by Bill Urell
Falling in love is a great feeling and for those who are lucky enough to find their soul mates, life can be a bed of roses. However, not all matches are made in heaven and some relationships can make even hell seem like a better option.
Oftentimes couples go through what seems like an eternal rough patch while being oblivious to the signs that their relationship is in serious trouble. It isn’t uncommon for people to hang on to what seems like a relationship with no future just because they had a great past. In fact this is quite a common phenomenon because we usually don’t notice the negative qualities of an individual during the initial romantic stage of a relationship.
If you are going through a hard time in your relationship but don’t know whether you should call it quits or not,
here are the top ten telltale signs of a relationship in trouble:
1. You seem to be always frustrated about your relationship. For instance, you feel your emotional needs are never being met.
2. You find yourself looking for excuses to avoid spending time together
3. You are being abused physically.
4. You are being abused emotionally.
5. The strong feelings you used to have for your partner are now a thing of the past and you no longer feel such intense emotions for them, instead you reminisce about how you felt for them during better times.
6. You’ve compromised and sacrificed your beliefs, ambitions and core values in order to adjust to your partner’s needs, with the hope of eliminating the problems of your relationship.
7. You’ve completely and radically changed your appearance hoping that your partner will find you more attractive.
8. You feel like an empty shell of your former self and have lost all of your self belief.
9. You’ve distanced yourself or totally disconnected from former close friends and/ or family members to accommodate your partner in your life.
10. You feel like your partner doesn’t appreciate anything you do or have achieved in life and is trying to undermine you every step of the way.
If you observe these signs in your relationship, then you should know that it’s high time to reevaluate where your relationship is headed.
Perhaps the most practical way of doing this would be to make a list with two columns. Use one column to list the positive traits of your relationship and jot down the negative attributes of your relationship in the other. Take the time to come up with a concrete list in both columns. Once you are done with the list, see which column is longer in order to ascertain whether the odds are stacked against the survival of your relationship or there’s hope for you and your partner yet. Doing so allows you to look at the whole situation objectively thereby making it less hard for you to put an end to the relationship.
Thus, to conclude, remember that a relationship is supposed to bring joy and security to your life and not make an emotional wreck out of you. So, if you see all of the signs discussed in this article, it’s best to quit while you’re ahead.
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3 responses so far ↓
1 Tess // Oct 16, 2007 at
Thank you so much for the article. There needs to be more information out there about this. So many women (and men) are in addictive relationships and our society seems to support and even encourage such behavior. The only thing missing from the article is help…if we could simply "quit while [we're] ahead" it wouldn't be an addiction. There are 12-Step groups available for this addiction just as for drugs and alcohol.
2 Bill Urell // Oct 16, 2007 at
I agree with you that society places an enormous pressure on people to be in a relationship. If we are not it is implied through media,'something is wrong with you'.
In working with patoents I have found many that believe that 'any relationship is better than none at all'
Bill
3 Leighdu // Apr 27, 2008 at
Interesting and informative article. I think another strong point is that people will endure a relationship and stick with it if there are children involved. However, in the meantime they are compromising their own happiness. It's a sticky situation because you don't want to hurt your children, but in the process you are hurting yourself by staying in a relationship that is no longer healthy.
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