by Bill Urell
A good communicator must first be a good listener. However, while listening is a skill that is rather easy to acquire, it is often the one skill that is ignored. There are several advantages to effective listening:
* It can diffuse a volatile situation
* It shows respect to the speaker
* You just might learn something
* It can lead to a revealing and interesting discussion
* It is just good manners
If you are lacking in the listening skills department, though, there are some things that you can start doing today to become a better listener. These ten tips will help you become a better listener and a better communicator.
1. Make and maintain eye contact
Maintaining eye contact is an indication to the speaker that you are listening, but keep it at a level that is comfortable for both you and the speaker.
2. Face the person with whom you are communicating
When someone is talking to you, you can at least face them and give them the courtesy of looking at them. This indicates to them that you are listening and it eliminates potential distractions for you.
3. Get rid of distractions
Turn off the TV, put down the book, close the door and pay full attention to your speaker. Distractions can cause you to miss vital things that are being said to you. You want to focus on what the speaker is saying to you and you don’t want to miss anything.
4. Let the speaker know that you are listening
Nod and give verbal acknowledgments appropriately. If you nod vigorously the entire time that the speaker is talking, it will distract both of you and indicate to them that you are not really listening at all. A simple, “yes,” or “uh huh” suffice.
5. Think about what the speaker is saying, not what you are going to say next
Many times it is a natural tendency to think about what you are going to say when someone else is talking. You may be formulating your rebuttal to what the person is saying. In doing so you will most certainly miss some vital information if you aren’t really listening.
6. Do not interrupt
You should not interrupt for several reasons. For one, you may only be getting just a part of what they want to tell you when you interrupt, two, it shows that you are not listening and three, it is just plain rude. If you have to grab a piece of paper and take notes about what is said, do it, and the address your concerns when it is your time to talk.
7. Maintain an open mind
When the speaker says something that goes against your beliefs, your mind may want to scream in protest, but try to keep an open mind and listen to their defense and argument. You just might learn something.
8. Ask questions to make sure that you understand
Ask questions to clarify what is being said. This way you can make sure that you understand what the speaker is saying.
9. Keep your body language neutral
Crossing your arms, putting your hands on your hips and turning away from the speaker are all indications that you are not listening, thus hindering your own ability to listen effectively. Keep your arms down at your sides and lean your body slightly in toward the speaker. This increases your listening ability and lets the speaker know that you are listening to them.
10. Realize that sometimes just listening is enough
Sometimes people just want to be heard without any response. Remember that it is OK to just listen from time to time.
Here some addictional sources from around the Web:
Pay Attention: Improving Listening Skills
Related posts in Self-Improvement
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I am good listener, but I do always find myself wanted to give input, even if it is just to say I agree. I have noticed though there are times when I should keep my mouth shut
. When my boss starts talking , I have learned that silence is best, and just listening is golden. I am still working on it though.
I do the same thing as Leghdu does. I know that I find myself wanting to say something, if for no other reason then so the person who is talking knows that I’m listening.
I think its very important to be a good listener and give others a chance to put their opinions. I have seen that some dogmatic people are also regarded as eloquent speakers which i find absolutely wrong. A good communicator should ensure a two way communication in my opinion.
I’ve been a good listener for all the years that had been through and now, I’m finding it hard when all you hear are complaints while you have problems of your own. It really is distracting but I guess we are not that cruel to our love ones thank God. I do hope most of us are good listeners ’cause one day I will need one.
Nice informative post. I am bookmarking it. Well, self improvement is incomplete without a perfect voice. So, I would suggest you to master your voice and win over the world.
I sometimes struggle with point number 5, formulating a response before the other has finished. I sometimes interrupt. I need to be careful not to come across as a “know it all” type.
I appreciate the list of points and resources. I do want to improve my listening skills. It can only help me.
Hey Bill,
I keep coming back to your blog as every time I manage to find a lot of information which is really useful to me.
I often tell my friends…
“The reason you have 2 ears and one mouth is to listen more and talk less”
As you have pointed out, you can learn a great deal by listening. In the UK where I live, I used to volunteer for a charity called “Samaritans”. It is a service which people can phone for free if they just need to talk to someone, for instance if someone feels completely alone and is suicidal, we would sometimes be the last port of call.
It is very important that you do just listen, as you said listening is sometimes just enough for some people so that they can feel like they really are being heard. Volunteering, I listened to some pretty desperate people living what I would call under extremely unpleasant circumstances due to drug addiction. It is difficult to remain unattached which you must try and do, I feel it is important to add that as it’s not your pity they are after.
Thanks again Bill for providing this great resource.
Daryl.
.-= daryl@Tefal Actifry´s last blog ..Tefal Actifry =-.
Currently we are in the process of developing a new program in the State of Louisiana. The LEAP (Louisiana Employment Assistance Program) is collaboration between the Louisiana Workforce Commission and the Department of Children and Family Services to provide a Job Readiness Class to individuals seeking cash assistance and food stamps. This class will also include soft skills. I am on the committee that will be determine the curriculum to be offered in these classes throughout the state. I am interested in your article titled “10 Tips To Help Improve Listening Skills
” as a class activity and would like to present to the committee for review. Would there be any copyright restrictions/cost for reproduction throughout the state. I can forward you a copy of the proposed copy for your approval. The copy would be presented in an electronic format to be printed on as as need bassis in each LEAP Job Readiness Classroom
Thank you for your assistance in this manner.
Great post! I’ll be sure to add a link to this article… Check out my site if you like…
You need to add putting down your smart phone or tablet to the list! Great list, wish more people would follow it.
Great web site. Lots of useful info here. I am sending it to some buddies ans additionally sharing in delicious. And obviously, thanks to your effort!
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