Addiction Recovery Basics

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Relationships And Addiction

March 5th, 2007 · 3 Comments

I was asked to give a lecture on to about 70 patients in an facility. I asked the group to shout out emotional states or consequences of their active addiction while I wrote their responses on the board. We developed a list: isolation, guilt and shame, anger and rage, financial consequences, legal issues, poor health, abandonment, loss of morality, dishonesty, divorce, and cheating. at this point I ran out of room on the chalkboard.

Having developed at that list I asked who was having problems in their relationships, virtually all hands went up. It was pointed out that of course, why would you possibly think that you would not have problems, look at what you were bringing to the relationship. Look at your emotional contribution. I pointed to the list. The silence was deafening.

A person who is active in their has one self-centered goal in mind, and that is to continue using drugs and alcohol. If someone close to them points out the fact that they are hurting themselves and others around them the natural thing to do is to put up walls insulating themselves from the message. The addict will continue to use the relationship as long as it promotes his ability to continue alcohol or drug use.

Referring to the list we have generated previously I asked how many people continually picked ‘ losers’. Many hands were raised. It was respectfully pointed out to take a look at what kind of person would be attracted to somebody who had all those issues going on in their life. What a catch! It only stands to reason that if we wish to free ourselves from addictive relationships, we need to concentrate on cleaning up our side of the street by engaging in sound principles.



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Tags: Addiction · Main · Relationships

3 responses so far ↓

  • 1 squeakyclean // Dec 31, 2007 at

    i was married twenty years when i learned that my husband was a severe alcoholic and crack addict. our relationship included many of the negative influences listed above. i didn’t realize that it was due to his addiction. i knew i was miserable though. my life was good except for my marriage. i am not codependent or an enabler. i’m not a “loser”. it took me 5 minutes to kick him out when i learned he was an addict. we were divorced just over a year later.

    i did a cost benefit analysis and it was too high a cost! crack was the last straw.

  • 2 tomandrew // Sep 28, 2008 at

    Its true that most of the relationships break because of an addicted husband for drinks. This is too bad because it will not be too late for their son or daughter to take the wine mug on seeing them. One should have the self control. Anyways relationship plays a vital role in bringing back the person to a normal life.

  • 3 How to Stop Emotional Eating | Outdoors Sports Exercise // Apr 1, 2009 at

    [...] Relationships And Addiction A person who is active in their addiction has one self-centered goal in mind, and that is to continue using drugs and alcohol even at the expense of family and relationships…. [...]

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