Dysfunctional relationships are relationships that create more emotional turmoil than satisfaction; the balance has shifted. Relationships are part of the human experience. But what happens if one or both partners have never been involved in a happy relationship, or had one modeled for them as a child? Chances are they will participate in a dysfunctional relationship.
A dysfunctional or an about-to-be
dysfunctional relationship always has warning signs.
These signs and stmptoms must be identified and confronted in a timely fashion to prevent complete disintegration of the relationship. Here is a list of some warning signs of dysfunctional relationships:
1. Addictive/obsessive attitude: When one of the partners develops addictive or obsessive attitude and all the time seems overly focused on themselves or the other, it is time to reevaluate your relationship because this is the beginning of dysfunctional. You 'lose yourself' in the chaos.
2. Imbalance of power: You always feel that you are working much harder than your partner at making the relationship work. When your partner seems to make no effort at that, your relationship is probably going dysfunctional. Relationships are supposed to be a 50/50 partnership. If it has evolved into a 90/10 split with you doing all the giving and very little return, or vice versa a dysfunctional relationship scenario is developing.
3. Tensions show up regularly: Little things that cause tension are always present. These may related to money, friends, love, work or anything else, but they seem to take on disproportional importance.
4. Feeling cornered: In such relationships, either of the partners can get a feeling of being cornered or trapped into a situation that s/he would not like to have got into in the first place. If this feeling of being trapped and hapless keeps recurring, and is not a one-off incident, then it shows there's something wrong in the relationship.
5. Inferiority/superiority complex: If any one of the partners in a relationship begins developing an inferiority/superiority complex, then there is something that's going wrong. Relationships are based on equality and trust – no partner should consider himself superior or inferior in comparison to the other.
6. The feeling of frustration: Every relationship has little frustrations, but when they persist and just keep cropping up as soon as one is dealt with, something is certainly wrong.
7. Constant unhappiness: Are you happy? If not, what happened? This is a fundamental question that needs to be answered. If you are constantly unhappy or mentally bogged down, because there is a nagging doubt or a feeling that something is not going right, it is time to evaluate the situation. This can happen when you just cannot reconcile your desires, your feelings and your needs with your partner's – and neither can he, with yours.
8. Being unsure and insecure: You are so unsure of yourself that you hesitate to do things, thinking about what if it would end up causing a rift in your relationship. In other words, when you go from being spontaneous to overcautious about doing things you like to do. Being unsure brings with it a feeling of insecurity and that is another sign to watch out for.
9. Emotional blocks: Fear, jealousy, obsession, non-involvement, manipulation, distrust, suspicion, disrespect and an uncaring attitude are the usual suspects. If there is continuity in any of these behavioral traits, then your relationship is on its way to becoming past history.
These are some warning signs of a dysfunctional relationship. If you happen to notice any of these, take preventive measures immediately and address the situation. And remember, band-aid measures won't work, look for long-term solutions.
Perhaps the most commonly used and least effective solution to problems in relationships is to ignore them and hope they go away. Here is wishing you all the best in your relationship.
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3 responses so far ↓
1 Peter Crump // Aug 13, 2007 at
Thanks Bill, you always offer such good information. I enjoy reading your site. My father in law could do with reading it as well. - Alcohol
2 Brennan Kingsland // Aug 14, 2007 at
Everyday I give thanks for my husband and the special friendship we have. This article is a reminder to treasure a healthy relationship. Everywhere I look, I see miserably unhappy couples who need hope that they can straighten out their relationships.
3 Eric F. and John S. // Aug 17, 2007 at
Hey, Bill…You certainly have a great, refreshing and very up-to-day addiction and recovery web site. The articles are very helpful and have certainly given us new perspectives on many aspects of our own recovery. We miss our growth inspiring group therapy sessions. Our common goal and desire of "not wanting to get wasted' makes our recovery fun and joyful.God bless and hope to see you soon….Eric F. and John S.
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