Addiction Recovery Basics

by Bill Urell

A good communicator must first be a good listener. However, while listening is a skill that is rather easy to acquire, it is often the one skill that is ignored. There are several advantages to effective listening:

* It can diffuse a volatile situation

* It shows respect to the speaker

* You just might learn something

* It can lead to a revealing and interesting discussion

* It is just good manners

If you are lacking in the listening skills department, though, there are some things that you can start doing today to become a better listener. These ten tips will help you become a better listener and a better communicator.

1. Make and maintain eye contact

Maintaining eye contact is an indication to the speaker that you are listening, but keep it at a level that is comfortable for both you and the speaker.

2. Face the person with whom you are communicating

When someone is talking to you, you can at least face them and give them the courtesy of looking at them. This indicates to them that you are listening and it eliminates potential distractions for you.

3. Get rid of distractions

Turn off the TV, put down the book, close the door and pay full attention to your speaker. Distractions can cause you to miss vital things that are being said to you. You want to focus on what the speaker is saying to you and you don’t want to miss anything.

4. Let the speaker know that you are listening

Nod and give verbal acknowledgments appropriately. If you nod vigorously the entire time that the speaker is talking, it will distract both of you and indicate to them that you are not really listening at all. A simple, “yes,” or “uh huh” suffice.

5. Think about what the speaker is saying, not what you are going to say next

Many times it is a natural tendency to think about what you are going to say when someone else is talking. You may be formulating your rebuttal to what the person is saying. In doing so you will most certainly miss some vital information if you aren’t really listening.

6. Do not interrupt

You should not interrupt for several reasons. For one, you may only be getting just a part of what they want to tell you when you interrupt, two, it shows that you are not listening and three, it is just plain rude. If you have to grab a piece of paper and take notes about what is said, do it, and the address your concerns when it is your time to talk.

7. Maintain an open mind

When the speaker says something that goes against your beliefs, your mind may want to scream in protest, but try to keep an open mind and listen to their defense and argument. You just might learn something.

8. Ask questions to make sure that you understand

Ask questions to clarify what is being said. This way you can make sure that you understand what the speaker is saying.

9. Keep your body language neutral

Crossing your arms, putting your hands on your hips and turning away from the speaker are all indications that you are not listening, thus hindering your own ability to listen effectively. Keep your arms down at your sides and lean your body slightly in toward the speaker. This increases your listening ability and lets the speaker know that you are listening to them.

10. Realize that sometimes just listening is enough

Sometimes people just want to be heard without any response. Remember that it is OK to just listen from time to time.

Here some addictional sources from around the Web:

Listening skills, everyone?

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