I collect variations of the 12 steps, usually with the idea of looking for a different way of explaining them. Occasionally a humorous version crosses my desk. I did not get a source for this (it was quite anonymous), and refuse to take responsibility.
The 12 Steps, Quite Wrong
1. I declare complete control over alcohol and everything else; and further declare that my life is in perfect order.
2. I recognize no power as great as I am; nor any person as smart as I am, and if you don’t like it, let’s step outside.
3. I made a decision to run my life and everyone else’s life to suit only me - and I pity those who get in my way.
4. I make a searching and thorough inventory of everyone other than myself - and find them a woefully lacking in all respects; and I never hesitate to tell them so.
5. I admitted to no one, including, God and myself, that there could be possibly anything wrong with me, or my actions.
6. I went to extreme efforts to protect and increase my defects of character and did a little drinking besides.
7. I continued my obnoxious arrogant air of asking no one for anything my big mouth was for telling, not asking.
8. I kept a complete list of all persons who had harmed me, either real or imaginary, and swore to get even with them all.
9. I got even where possible, except when to do so might to injure me.
10 I continued to bitch and whine about everything to everyone and, when I was right, promptly reminded them of it.
11 I sought through scheming and conniving to materially improve myself - at the expense of my fellow man. I never hesitate, when the opportunity presents itself, to bring disaster and misery to anyone who happens across my path.
12 having had a complete moral, financial, physical, and spiritual breakdown, all of my remaining effort was directed toward dragging those near me - and dear to me- down to the same depths of despair; and I did a little drinking too.
I found some other nice blogs on the 12 steps, check out my new friends:
12 Steps to a Recovered To-Do List
“The slogans are the banisters to the 12 Steps.” “The 12 Steps keep us from suicide. The 12 Traditions keep us from homicide !” A warning to newcomers in AA: “If you’re looking for a relation-ship in AA odds are good you’ll find one. …
For My New Friends Who Visit For The First Few Times
AA History; Alcoholics Anonymous Resources; Beginners Meeting; Books for 12 Steppers; Courage To Change; Did You Know; Experience, Strength and Hope; First Step; Heard At Meetings; Helpful 12 Step Sites; In The Book; News; Opinion …
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2 responses so far ↓
1 fredjoiners // May 22, 2008 at
Thanks Bill,
I enjoyed that. I also collect varieties of 12 Step experiences.
Just for fun I like this one;-
THE TWELVE-STEPS FOR COMMITTED BUREAUCRATS
1. We learned that we could handle anything perfectly as a bureaucrat, that we had total control.
2. We came to believe that there is no greater calling than to be a bureaucrat, that we ARE what we DO.
3. We made a firm decision o live our lives as consummate bureaucrats, resisting the need for self-care and the influence of anything outside our careers.
4. We made a searching and thorough inventory of all administrative knowledge, committing it to memory for all time.
5. We recognised our discomforts are the fault of people, places and things outside of us, that professional failing and weakness of character are inappropriate for bureaucrats.
6. We were entirely ready to deny our own negative feelings, doubts and misgivings.
7. We never let our mistakes, fear or feelings of inadequacy show.
8. We made a list of all people (especially non-bureaucrats) and institutions which had upset us and harboured resentments towards them all.
9. We refused to take action to resolve these tensions, but tried to get even whenever we could.
10. We continued to act as though everything was fine, always maintaining the correct appearance of a bureaucrat.
11. We diligently refused to accept new ideas, seeking only to live life on our own terms, as we feel entitled to.
12. Having rigidly clung to our original attitudes and practices, we continued to recommend them to other bureaucrats, joining together in our misery for the rest of our practicing lives.
However no bureaucrat would admit to having fun:-)
2 Myrtha Chang // May 22, 2008 at
This is hilarious. And sadly true. Thanks, really made me chuckle.
Myrtha Changs last blog post..Why Digital Scrapbooking is Much Faster
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