By Bill Urell
I am a big believer in the idea that every action we take is done for reason.
1. What is your payoff?
What is it that you really get from self-defeating behaviors and attitudes? Is it negative attention? A reason to go back to using drugs and alcohol? Ask yourself What is REALLY going on here?
2. Avoid situations that trigger extreme emotional reactions.
Most people relapse back into addiction because of their inability to handle emotional stress. Extreme emotional reactions can provoke a drug or alcohol relapse. If you can't avoid this situation, at least try to get a realistic perspective on it. Ask yourself How important is it really?
3. Take a look at your past.
Just don't get stuck there. Try to identify where your belief system came from. Once you have identified where those defeating attitudes came from, let go of them. It is OK to acknowledge the past, but not to use it as an excuse to continue your behavior into the present.
4. Challenge staying in the victim role.
Again, in recognizing the past we're not denying that bad things have happened to you. Try reclaiming your personal power by reframing your experiences as a source of strength. Not everyone has gone through what you have and survived. The process of growth in addiction recovery is about regaining self empowerment.
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5. Stop blaming people.
Being the victim and blaming others, results in one particular sneaky, self destructive attitude. That is the attitude o fnot needing to change. Recovery is all about change, but, if everything is always somebody else's fault, why do I need to change? In the victim role, it is poor me, look what they have done to me, I couldn't stop it from happening, so I will be a perpetual victim and take no action.
6. First thought wrong.
Man, do I hate this one. My sponsor used to tell me this all the time. People who have a habit of self sabotaging have got to come to accept that they are never upset for the reasons that first come to mind. First thought wrong. We need to look at the underlying issues, again, ask the question 'Whats really going on here?' Sometimes we will take those negative thoughts and try to make them come true by doing something really destructive. We create a self-fulfilling prophesy.
7. We need to change the thoughts we have about ourselves.
Stop the negative self talk. Start thoroughly and rigorously questioning where your beliefs and perceptions are coming from. Don't judge yourself as you're doing this, become willing to letgo of those negative thoughts. Stop defending your right to be wrong.
8. Are you done suffering yet?
Just as this question is a key motivator to move from using drugs and alcohol into recovery, it is a prime motivator to start changing our self-defeating attitudes and actions. Nothing changes if nothing changes. How much longer are you willing to keep stepping on your own feet, tripping and falling down? Maybe, just maybe, it's time to stop the pain.
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2 responses so far ↓
1 mamatito // Jun 25, 2008 at
This is a really good article. and it is very accurate. It is easy to slip into some of these mindsets if we arent' careful. And often, one of them can lead to others. It is amazing that we dont' see them until someone points them out. I have had to deal with several fo these myself in the last few years. I finally realized that my past my have been part of why I am who I am, but I choose to either stay that way or change it and it is my choice.
2 Leeuh // Jul 10, 2008 at
These are great ideas, and food for thought. I know that I've seen a lot of people have problems with #4 and #5 the most.
#4- To a lot of people it's easier to play the victim because that's what they are used to doing.
#5- A lot of people have a hard time accepting responsibility for their own actions, and like to blame others. I think it also ties in with #4 as well.
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