In speaking with other addicts in recovery…
I was made acutely aware of something as I was trying to get across to my father what it was like to be an alcoholic. He is not. Normal people just don’t get it. It’s not their fault, they just really can’t.
I used this as an example.
I said suppose you went out on your birthday and got very very drunk, ended up tipping over the table in the restaurant, banging into walls and falling down. On the way home you nearly wrecked the car, and picked a fight with your wife who should be minding her own business, as you were trying to get the key in the keyhole you peed in your pants.
Taking off your pants and throwing them against the wall in the living room you tripped and crawled into the bathroom and promptly threw up all over. You woke up the next morning on the floor of the bathroom with a massive headache. What is the first thing you would do? My father said he would probably take two aspirin and go to bed and never do that again as long as he lived.
I just shook my head and said see you don’t get it. And I know all you people in addiction recovery will get it when I say no the answer is that the first thing you would do upon waking up is fix yourself a Blood Mary. My father just couldn’t understand that. He said why in the world would you do something that crazy? I said exactly. It was one of those deals will he just had to agree that there would be no meeting of the minds. Every addict I told this story too says ‘you got that right’. Every ‘Normie’ I have told that to looks at me like I have three heads.
The old-timers in Alcoholics Anonymous had it right when they wrote the big book 70 years ago and talked about obsession and compulsion being the distinguishing characteristic of one with addiction.
Few people who are not under the sway of compulsion and obsession can really understand. Add to that the physiological differences of an addict’s body and brain, and we really have a tough nut to crack to stay in addiction recovery. But, it can be done.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Bill, good luck with the theme shift – I know those can be a pain…
Anyway, nice post. There’s no doubt that an addict/alcoholic doesn’t think the same as many of the “normies” out there. I try to explain similar things to my wife all the time…
I have to say that for the most part, nowadays, 8 years after the last time I used speed, my decisions are far more rational.
There is hope.
I think that fighting addiction is very hard because addiction to different stuff is in the core of human nature. The question is to replace bad addicitions for others, not so malignant. Rgds.
very nice post.
This story really sums up the disease model of an addict. It is a completely different thought process and hard to explain to those “normies.” Good article.
Chelsea´s last blog ..Philadelphia addiction help – Long term social support seems to work
Bill, loved the piece and reposted it, with credit to you, on my blog The Interventionist. Thank you so much for your wisdom and common sense, qualities in constant demand within the Recovery Community.
Ken Williams´s last blog ..A Tale Only Addicts In Recovery Will Understand
thank you this post. I will surely share this to my friends. It tells a lot of lessons.
You brought up a very interested and valid point, and one that is important in the recovery process overall. One of the reasons that alcohol treatment and alcohol detox facilities hold group therapy sessions is so that addicts can receive the needed element of “relating” in their support. It is often necessary for those with a problem to feel that they are not alone so that they can be more motivated to work at correcting the problem.
Imagine if someone where put in charge of planning your wedding who had never planned a wedding or even been married themselves before? You wouldn’t have much confidence in their abilities and there would more than likely be many things that would not be to your liking by the time it’s all said and done. Well, alcohol addiction and recovery are really no different. Without others who can relate to your experiences, you are not likely to trust the opinions or suggestions of those trying to help you and may therefore be resistant to their services.
Some of the most effective alcohol treatment programs I’ve seen are those run by others who have been through the recovery process successfully and therefore know the in’s and out’s of the process. So for those seeking relief from or help with alcohol addiction, perhaps the best route is to seek treatment with a program that is run by those who have experienced the problem themselves and know what to expect and how to give support.
Great post, looking forward to reading more of your insights!
- Dennis Hansen
Thank you Dennis. This is just my point of view but there are certainly many effective counselors and therapists in the field who are not in recovery for themselves. But, it is a very difficult concept to grasp without a lot of education adn/or experience.