Do you have any of these common characteristics of adult children of alcoholics? Reading these article will provide some answers.
Children growing up in a family where alcoholism is present learn survival skills. Unfortunately these solutions don’t work well as adults.
Alcohol use within the family affects all members, not just the alcoholic. Children growing up in this environment have a particularly difficult time.
Modeling is the most powerful form of education and they grow up seeing, and being taught, dysfunctional behavior. They see and learn methods of survival that may work for a child, but are then carried forward into adulthood where they are dysfunctional.
Here are 5 common characteristics of adult children of alcoholics:
1. They feel they must be in control of behavior and feelings at all times. This desire to control may be an overreaction to growing up in chaos where active alcoholism is present. This tendency to want to be in control at all times is grounded in fear. If all aspects of their life cannot be controlled, it will automatically get worse.
2. ACOA’s struggle with intimate relationships. Being intimate requires releasing some control and being vulnerable. This is difficult. Love is often expressed as rescuing people or trying to fix others problems, rather than being a partner. A survival skill growing up may have been the need to hide feelings and not express them for fear of consequences.
3. Perfectionism, heightened sense of responsibility. Children in alcoholic families learned that if they were ‘perfect’ they might get positive attention. In many cases whatever they did was not enough. Self-esteem comes from how they are viewed by others. They can be extremely self-critical, never attaining the ideal of how good they ‘should’ be.
4. A tendency toward compulsive behaviors. Being a child of an alcoholic increases the likelihood the child will become addicted to alcohol. It is also noted however, a tendency toward other compulsive behaviors such as gambling, disordered eating or addictive relationships.
5. Abandonment fears. I believe this stems from the learned uncertainty in childhood of not knowing what was coming next, a hug or a slap. Adult children often believe that any relationship, no matter how bad or abusive, is better than none at all. Often they will do anything to hang on.
There are many more identifiable symptoms and signs characteristic of ACOA’s. Here us some supplemental reading from around the web:
Comment on adult children of alcoholics by CP – So having an alcoholic parent, puts you at greater risk. My mother was an alcoholic and having subsequently suffered my own addictions, I know that the trauma of watching her fight her alcoholism in my early years, played a big part in …
Adult Children Of Alcoholics – One of the best recovery tools for me at a time when I didn’t even know what AA or addiction was all about was an “Adult Children Of Alcoholics” support group I attended weekly for nine months. It was the single most important part of …
The 13 Characteristics of Adult Children – Woititz book “Adult Children of Alcoholics”. It has given me the knowledge to better understand the person I see in the mirror. At times, the book left me feeling emotionally drained. Please make an effort to completely read her book. …
Welcome to Adult Children of Alcoholics – World Service Org. – Sharing equally with others in the society of ACOA means never to be alone anymore. No bosses. No rules, No dues or fees, yet self-supporting. Just sharing, one day at a time with others healing in unconditional love. …
Crazymaking, Social Proof and Restoration to Rationality – Anonymous: Adult Children of Alcoholics: Alcoholic / Dysfunctional Families, Torrance, CA: ACA World Service Office, 2006. Anonymous: Co-Dependents Anonymous, Phoenix, AZ: Co-Dependents Anonymous, 1995. Bandura, A.: Self-Efficacy: The …
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
It is major issue of alcoholism. This problem is increasing day by day, not only India but also globally.
Jimmy
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Hi,
The initiative taken for the concern is very serious and needs an attention of everyone. This is the concern which exists in the society and needs to be eliminated from the society as soon as possible.
Jim
arizona drug rehab
I think this article is good…a lot of people think about the alcoholics…but a lot of people don’t really take into consideration on how children who grow up in that atmosphere handle the real world. I think that this list is very accurate. My friend is a ACOA…and she has such a hard time trusting anyone and she ALWAYS had to be perfect in every way shape and form.
That feeling of having to be in control at all times can be so tough. I grew up with a very co-dependent mother and always felt like I needed to be perfect and in control at all times. The downfall to this was that I was not able to express my feelings and emotions very well. I never realized I had these problems until I was in my late 30’s. It actually took some counseling to overcome and I still have to work on it to this day.
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