Comments on: Adult Children Of Alcoholics: 5 Common Characteristics http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/adult-children-of-alcoholics-5-common-characteristics/ Overcoming Addiction, Growing In Addiction Recovery. Crucial Info On Getting Sober And Maintaining Sobriety. Thu, 05 Apr 2012 08:13:28 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Deborah http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/adult-children-of-alcoholics-5-common-characteristics/comment-page-1/#comment-676098 Deborah Thu, 19 Jan 2012 17:08:09 +0000 http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/2008/08/11/adult-children-of-alcoholics-5-common-characteristics/#comment-676098 For NANCY, You wrote that your cousin, is the son of an alcoholic. That would mean one of his parents is a sibling to one of your parents. That would mean one of his parents is your aunt or uncle. It just seems to me, you distanced yourself from your relationship to the alcoholic. Why didn't you just say the truth? Obviously you and your parents are also related to the alcoholic. Seems like you distanced yourself intentionally, almost as if you are only related to your cousin. I was floored when I read what you wrote: "There were a couple of times in the past year to year and a half where I’ve had to criticize him for certain things that I considered were minor issues – one of them was snow shovelling." Why do you feel the need to criticize your cousin for things you feel are minor issues? Think about it? There is a reason you do this, and likely you are aware that most people find it offensive for others to critcize them. Just so you know, anyone who would come over to shovel the snow from your walks deserves a big "Thank you," or "I appreciate your help." You however, found it your job to criticize. I am an adult child of an alcoholic. Most of us ACA's, are sensitive, have low self-esteem. Few of us prey on other's emotionally. One of our sicknesses is pleasing people, looking for approval. With that said, it sounds as if you were not brought up by an alcoholic as your cousin was. Ask yourself what it is about your own upbringing, that compels you to criticize people? Is this a need for you to feel superior possibly? You see, you also need to take a look at your life, as there are many people who are sick as we are, but there sickness shows itself in the opposite forms (aggression, negativity, criticizing others, etc.). I hope you will take a look, and admit to yourself, you criticize those who you know are weak, in an attempt to make yourself feel superior. Kicking people emotionally who are already down, is not something a happy, healthy or well minded person would do. It's aggression in a finely tuned form, with the intent to inflict emotional pain. Take a look in the mirror. I am sure someone like yourelf could follow you around all day and easily criticize the things you do. Next time, consider thanking your cousin for helping you, and offer a cup of hot cocoa instead of playing amateur psychologist, which allows you to justify your cruel behavior. For NANCY,

You wrote that your cousin, is the son of an alcoholic. That would mean one of his parents is a sibling to one of your parents. That would mean one of his parents is your aunt or uncle. It just seems to me, you distanced yourself from your relationship to the alcoholic. Why didn’t you just say the truth? Obviously you and your parents are also related to the alcoholic. Seems like you distanced yourself intentionally, almost as if you are only related to your cousin.

I was floored when I read what you wrote: “There were a couple of times in the past year to year and a half where I’ve had to criticize him for certain things that I considered were minor issues – one of them was snow shovelling.”

Why do you feel the need to criticize your cousin for things you feel are minor issues? Think about it? There is a reason you do this, and likely you are aware that most people find it offensive for others to critcize them.

Just so you know, anyone who would come over to shovel the snow from your walks deserves a big “Thank you,” or “I appreciate your help.” You however, found it your job to criticize.

I am an adult child of an alcoholic. Most of us ACA’s, are sensitive, have low self-esteem. Few of us prey on other’s emotionally. One of our sicknesses is pleasing people, looking for approval. With that said, it sounds as if you were not brought up by an alcoholic as your cousin was.

Ask yourself what it is about your own upbringing, that compels you to criticize people? Is this a need for you to feel superior possibly? You see, you also need to take a look at your life, as there are many people who are sick as we are, but there sickness shows itself in the opposite forms (aggression, negativity, criticizing others, etc.). I hope you will take a look, and admit to yourself, you criticize those who you know are weak, in an attempt to make yourself feel superior.

Kicking people emotionally who are already down, is not something a happy, healthy or well minded person would do. It’s aggression in a finely tuned form, with the intent to inflict emotional pain.

Take a look in the mirror. I am sure someone like yourelf could follow you around all day and easily criticize the things you do. Next time, consider thanking your cousin for helping you, and offer a cup of hot cocoa instead of playing amateur psychologist, which allows you to justify your cruel behavior.

]]> By: Nancy http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/adult-children-of-alcoholics-5-common-characteristics/comment-page-1/#comment-621566 Nancy Wed, 23 Nov 2011 00:23:52 +0000 http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/2008/08/11/adult-children-of-alcoholics-5-common-characteristics/#comment-621566 So this is starting to make sense to me now. My cousin is the son of an alcoholic. There were a couple of times in the past year to year and a half where I've had to criticize him for certain things that I considered were minor issues - one of them was snow shovelling. He came over to my house last January (2011) after a particularly heavy snow fall and immediately started shovelling the snow for me, although I never asked him to do this. He immediately started screaming at me and told me that I was ungrateful for his help and if I didn't like his help, I should go back into the basement of my house and don't speak to him anymore. I was so stunned by this that I didn't know how to respond. I've been trying to learn about alcoholism and children of alcoholics ever since and this is one of the first websites that has helped me make sense of his reaction. So this is starting to make sense to me now. My cousin is the son of an alcoholic. There were a couple of times in the past year to year and a half where I’ve had to criticize him for certain things that I considered were minor issues – one of them was snow shovelling. He came over to my house last January (2011) after a particularly heavy snow fall and immediately started shovelling the snow for me, although I never asked him to do this. He immediately started screaming at me and told me that I was ungrateful for his help and if I didn’t like his help, I should go back into the basement of my house and don’t speak to him anymore. I was so stunned by this that I didn’t know how to respond. I’ve been trying to learn about alcoholism and children of alcoholics ever since and this is one of the first websites that has helped me make sense of his reaction.

]]> By: Autism http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/adult-children-of-alcoholics-5-common-characteristics/comment-page-1/#comment-508857 Autism Sat, 24 Sep 2011 23:06:51 +0000 http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/2008/08/11/adult-children-of-alcoholics-5-common-characteristics/#comment-508857 hello, super article! hope you don't mind but i've posted a link to this in the 'favourite pages' page on my blog as i think my readers will like this. all the best hello, super article! hope you don’t mind but i’ve posted a link to this in the ‘favourite pages’ page on my blog as i think my readers will like this.

all the best
Autism´s last [type] ..1

]]> By: Matt@Positive Parenting Skills http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/adult-children-of-alcoholics-5-common-characteristics/comment-page-1/#comment-401834 Matt@Positive Parenting Skills Tue, 18 Jan 2011 20:27:45 +0000 http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/2008/08/11/adult-children-of-alcoholics-5-common-characteristics/#comment-401834 This looks like the same kind of list of traits you'd find for kids (or adults) with Reactive Attachment Disorder. It goes to show how disruptions in a childs nurture/environment at a young age can cause long-lasting damage. This looks like the same kind of list of traits you’d find for kids (or adults) with Reactive Attachment Disorder. It goes to show how disruptions in a childs nurture/environment at a young age can cause long-lasting damage.
Matt@Positive Parenting Skills´s last [type] ..Child Behavior Problems

]]> By: Tina http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/adult-children-of-alcoholics-5-common-characteristics/comment-page-1/#comment-361416 Tina Sun, 28 Feb 2010 23:08:58 +0000 http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/2008/08/11/adult-children-of-alcoholics-5-common-characteristics/#comment-361416 That feeling of having to be in control at all times can be so tough. I grew up with a very co-dependent mother and always felt like I needed to be perfect and in control at all times. The downfall to this was that I was not able to express my feelings and emotions very well. I never realized I had these problems until I was in my late 30's. It actually took some counseling to overcome and I still have to work on it to this day. .-= Tina´s last blog ..<a href="http://www.toddlerrideontoys.net/lightning-mcqueen-ride-on-toys.html">Lightning McQueen Ride On Toys For Children</a> =-. That feeling of having to be in control at all times can be so tough. I grew up with a very co-dependent mother and always felt like I needed to be perfect and in control at all times. The downfall to this was that I was not able to express my feelings and emotions very well. I never realized I had these problems until I was in my late 30′s. It actually took some counseling to overcome and I still have to work on it to this day.
.-= Tina´s last blog ..Lightning McQueen Ride On Toys For Children =-.

]]> By: dreamr802 http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/adult-children-of-alcoholics-5-common-characteristics/comment-page-1/#comment-304748 dreamr802 Wed, 21 Jan 2009 21:15:53 +0000 http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/2008/08/11/adult-children-of-alcoholics-5-common-characteristics/#comment-304748 I think this article is good...a lot of people think about the alcoholics...but a lot of people don't really take into consideration on how children who grow up in that atmosphere handle the real world. I think that this list is very accurate. My friend is a ACOA...and she has such a hard time trusting anyone and she ALWAYS had to be perfect in every way shape and form. I think this article is good…a lot of people think about the alcoholics…but a lot of people don’t really take into consideration on how children who grow up in that atmosphere handle the real world. I think that this list is very accurate. My friend is a ACOA…and she has such a hard time trusting anyone and she ALWAYS had to be perfect in every way shape and form.

]]> By: hari001 http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/adult-children-of-alcoholics-5-common-characteristics/comment-page-1/#comment-300706 hari001 Mon, 15 Dec 2008 13:10:36 +0000 http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/2008/08/11/adult-children-of-alcoholics-5-common-characteristics/#comment-300706 Hi, The initiative taken for the concern is very serious and needs an attention of everyone. This is the concern which exists in the society and needs to be eliminated from the society as soon as possible. Jim <a href="http://www.addictionlink.org/drug-rehab-center/arizona" rel="nofollow">arizona drug rehab </a> Hi,

The initiative taken for the concern is very serious and needs an attention of everyone. This is the concern which exists in the society and needs to be eliminated from the society as soon as possible.

Jim

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]]> By: hari001 http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/adult-children-of-alcoholics-5-common-characteristics/comment-page-1/#comment-300705 hari001 Mon, 15 Dec 2008 13:07:29 +0000 http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/2008/08/11/adult-children-of-alcoholics-5-common-characteristics/#comment-300705 It is major issue of alcoholism. This problem is increasing day by day, not only India but also globally. Jimmy <a href="http://www.addictionlink.org/drug-rehab-center/arizonarel=DoFollow" rel="nofollow">arizona drug rehab </a> It is major issue of alcoholism. This problem is increasing day by day, not only India but also globally.

Jimmy

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