Adult children of alcoholics, (ACOA), can often be identified as certain signs and symptoms. These clusters of traits often dictate somewhat unique potential problems in addiction recovery.
Janet Geringer Woitiz, Ed.D, is a pioneer in family systems therapy and is help to define the field of adult children of alcoholics. In her book Adult Children Of Alcoholics,pg.xxvi – xxvii, she identifies these signs and symptoms:
1. Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is.
2. ACOA’s have difficulty following a project through from beginning until end.
3. Adult children lie what it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
4. Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy.
5. They often have difficulty having fun.
6. Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously.
7. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships.
8. An ACOA often overreacts to changes over which they have no control.
9. Adult children constantly seek approval and affirmations.
10. Adult children of alcoholics usually feel they are different from other people.
11. Adult children of alcoholics are either super responsible or super irresponsible.
12. Adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.
13.Adult children of alcoholics are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self loathing or loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.
Related posts in Relationships
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
It seems almost too simple to be true, but acceptance accepting things exactly as they are can be the key that unlocks the door to happiness.
———-
smithsna
california drug rehab
I can personally vouch for the fact that these guidelines directly relate to my cousins..
I can personally acount to all of these things. It’s amazing what alchohol can do to a single family… or friends.
It’s almost amazing. I fit almost every one of these and I was not even raised by my alcoholic mother.
I married an ACoA child abuser. 11 of 13 symptoms with her are on the money. She hid it so very well too. Not until 90 days into marriage did she attack a beautiful 4 year old with such violent words and tones that I was shocked and confused about how anyone could be that destructive to make a child cry all day long for 3 years straight, just to feel respected. I work with an ACoA who’s very highly functioning and a great dad. So there’s a huge disparity in the ACoA symptoms. In general, I would suggest RUN AWAY FAST is my healthiest advice. Their brains are difficult to sway when they’re so very damaged like my ex is.
well, I fit 9 out of 13, the ACOA official website has 14 and the lying one is not on there. My mother was an addict, not an alcoholic. Keep in mind that according to Health and Human Services, 1 out of 4 children is being raised by a substance abusing parent. It is so common and yet, I always felt like I was the only one.
I’m always amazed how these traits tag along with us through life. As a hypnotherapist, I have spent many years working on my personal issues related to being an ACOA. I thought I pretty much had things wrapped up nicely! A month ago I was blindsided by two board members of a non-profit organization I was involved with for 30 years. (I was the other board member). After resigning and walking away from the last 30 years of my life and all my work – I realized I had allowed myself to slip back into the old ACOA relationship patterns with these two women on a business level. Wow!
Yes, we can move forward and live a great life, but there’s always old emotional pain pictures from the past stored in our subconscious that can be released! Happy growth and unfoldment to everyone!
Love & Blessings,
Debi Livingston Boushey, BCH, CI
Wow I am glad viewed this website. I am a child of an abusive & violent alcoholic. My father was a good man but the second he picked up a drink it was all over. It was amazing to me to read the symptoms and signs of adult children of alcohlics, and find out that I hit all 13 symptoms. I am currently in my second marriage which is also failing due to reasons I can’t explain. My current wife & I are now seperated but she has not given up on me, I can say this because she calls me everyday. What I realized was that ACOA have diffulculty with intimate relationships. My wife has told me many times, I cannot connect with her emotionally. But I guess it is not my fault. I have spent most of my life not being able to connect with anyone on an emotional level. Next step for me is therpy to move on in my life.