Addictive relationships come about because of a basic human need, to love and be loved.
Unfortunately, relationships can be addictive in the sense that some people try to fill the ‘hole in the soul’ with another person. This is much the same as an addict looking for fulfillment through alcohol and drugs, or an overachiever collecting wealth, it is never enough.
Here are some signs of relationship addiction:
1. An addictive relationship is not a 50/50 relationship, someone is the taker and someone the giver, it is not balanced.
2. The relationship is the center of your world with all else being a very distant second. It has an obsessive quality to it.
3. You know that the relationship is bad for you and you have loved ones and friends telling you this but something always gets in the way of ending it.
4. The addictive relationship thrives in chaos. You can almost become ‘addicted’ to the swirling negative energy as you react to each other. Boredom sets in when things are going well.
5. You have decided to stay in the dysfunctional relationship and stick it out hoping for a change. The problem is that there are no reasons for the relationship to change. Nothing changes, nothing changes.
6. When you consider ending the addictive relationship, you get stress and anxiety increases to the point of fear of change. This makes you hold on to what you have. “Any relationship is better than none at all.”
7. When you do take the fundamental steps to totally end the relationship, you experience withdrawal symptoms such as feeling lost or incomplete, maybe evens physical discomfort. Then the only remedy that comes to mind is to get back together with the person. It then starts all over again
If these apply to you, you are most likely in an dysfunctional, addictive relationship. Ask yourself, ‘Can I still direct my own life?’ If not, then you must take the first steps in fixing your relationship with yourself which is clearly affected by your relationship with a particular person.
Before moving toward recovery, you must first recognize that you are hooked in an addictive relationship. You should also do your best to understand what the basis of your addiction is. In doing so, you may get the perspective you need in order to remedy the problem.
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
It makes me sad to see that people will allow themselves to stay in these relationships especially when children are involved.
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Hi,
I Think addiction always become a harmful thing for us and i think excess always hurts. This is the only thing what we should try to avoid in our life. As i came to know about your post i understand the importance of good and healthy relationship. Thanks for sharing.
I agree with Claire… I think that is is vital to be able to identify these type of situation /relations and try to avoid them, specially when there are kids involved.
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I think we have all been in this situation at one point, well I know I have. For me it stems back to feeling of insecurity – some time we all need to take a step in to the unknown just so we know we can do it.
I have learned so much from your site regarding relationship. Thanks for sharing this to us. This would be very helpful to all readers.
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Ugh, is there anything worse than these types of relationships? Depresses me just thinking about it. Good post.
Excellent Advice, I struggled with something like this myself.
Advice I always pass on to people is, when you think your addicted or obsessed with something, think of all the times that you were upset because of it etc.. and pretty soon, you wont be so fond of the thing you were once addicted to (with regards to some addictions).