Can you easily discuss with anyone and go away an excellent impression? Using good dialog subjects will empower you to make small talk and converse with anyone. You will depart a fantastic impression. You can come up with good conversation topics fast. An attention-grabbing matter is one you each have an interest in. I may be really fascinated about soccer, but when my accomplice has not seen a recreation in three years, thats an terrible topic. Dialog Matters and Questions

Convey up great conversation topics and you will impress the other person and it will likely be easier to build the relationship. How does a person always know what to say? Use just a few of these concepts

Conversation Matters from Current Occasions

Look at the newspaper everyday. Search for attention-grabbing tales, opinions, or feedback that you’re focused on and would seemingly curiosity others. When you see a novel story, make note of it and use it later.

I may say, “Did you see the story about the man who won the lottery twice? What would you do with all that money?”

The web is full of good dialog topics. Learn fascinating stories. Look at blogs. Do this and you will be updated on whats happening. Typically I’ll search for fascinating info or tidbits of information that can be of curiosity to others in my next conversation.

Observe to see their reaction. If they are interested within the matter, maintain chasing that topic. Otherwise, I’ll deliver up another topic Dialog Questions about their Life

Every individual has one topic they often enjoy speaking about. It’s themselves. Ask questions and present curiosity in their life. That is one key having good dating dialog topics. Show curiosity in your companion by asking varied questions.

What do you consider….?” What are some plans you’ve got for the long run?What do you love to do in your free time? Steer the dialog in the direction of topics of their life you are interested in. If you’re fed up with sports, don’t ask about their favorite teams.

Search to keep away from asking questions which are too personal. The other individual may start to resent you as none of us want too personal of questions! Ask Good Conversation Questions

One good dialog questions will start conversation and turn a boring dialog into fascinating small talk. For those who might live anywhere on this planet, where would you reside and why?

In case you gained Survivor, how would you spend the money?

For those who can have any skill, which one would you get?

Whereas some topics spark conversation, others will kill it faster than a cup of water on a candle. Here are just a few subjects to avoid.

Any Matter The place you Complain

Keep away from blaming and being down on life. Nobody likes to be around an individual the place the glass is all the time half empty.Focus on the optimistic so you will depart an excellent impression.

Uninteresting Matters

Watch your dialog partner. Are they interested? If not, higher swap topics. What could also be interesting to at least one, is just not interesting to the following person.

Silent pauses will creep into your conversation. Stop them by using these conversation subjects and you will go away a great impression! These work whether or not its a dialog on a date, teaching ESL, or advancing your career.

Need Extra Friends, Confidence, and the Capability to Talk with Anybody? Check out Instant Conversation Success Get more Good Conversation Topics

Technorati Tags: communication, friendships, making friends, Relationships

It’s not said without reason that it is very tough to forgive a person who has done something wrong to you. The statement holds more relevance when the person in question is your own partner. While you may always take hurt to your heart and snap off all ties with you partner, it is not necessarily a sane decision. If you believe that relationships are for keeps, it appears sensible to forgive your partner. Though forgiving your partner is quite a difficult task, the following suggestions may make the process simpler for you.

The 1st step towards forgiveness is to talk it out. ‘Talking’ here means talking only and not screaming or throwing away things, primarily your favorites like the Clearpores Skin Cleansing System. Both of you have to act like two mature and grown up people. Sit down and express what you feel. While you say what you want to, it’s also essential that you lend your partner a patient ear too. Once you talk it out, you’ll feel much lighter and forgiving will be a tad simpler.

Spend time away from each other. Go away from your partner for a few days. This will enable you to think clearly. Things that earlier went unnoticed will come to your brain on their own. You must provide yourself and your other half some space. This time off will help you figure out if you’re even willing to forgive your other half or not.

Cry to your heart’s desire, if you are battling hard to forgive your partner. Quite surprisingly, nothing can comfort you more than crying your heart out. The more you cry, better it is for you. This ensures that you let go off all the pent up emotions.

It is best to stay away from excessive crying particularly if you’re battling acne. As you try to wipe away your tears, you are likely to rub your skin, leading to skin irritation which could in turn worsen the acne condition. You may solve the problem of acne using effective products like Exposed Skincare System.

Don’t live in your past. Though erasing all the past bitter and harsh memories isn’t a possibility, the least you can do is to try to evade them to the highest possible level. If you keep on thinking about the hurt inflicted on you by your partner, you’ll not be able to forgive your partner ever.

Dealing with such an emotionally taxing condition could take a toll on your physical as well as mental wellbeing. You may finish up deviating from your diet as a result of all the stress. However, with Dietary supplements like Dietrine Carb Blocker, you should be able to accomplish your weight loss goals sans hassle.

So, while it may be hard to forget and forgive the past hurts caused by your partner, you simply must make an effort to exonerate him/her if you want your life and relationship to go on.

Here are a few more ways to know about Dietrine Carb Blocker and Exposed Skin care System.

Technorati Tags: Relationships, Self-Improvement

If you’ve been in therapy before, you know that it can be a life-changing process. If you haven’t, you may not be sure what to look for in a counselor or therapist. Either way, you may not know what questions to ask a prospective therapist.

Often before people begin therapy, they’ve tried just about everything else to make changes in their lives. But nothing has worked – at least not for very long. As the emotional discomfort turns to anguish, it’s not uncommon for people to ask themselves, “Why not try therapy? I have to do something to stop the pain.”

Unfortunately, when we’re hurting a lot, we typically don’t think clearly, and many people turn to counseling and therapy (whether for individual psychotherapy, couples counseling, or family therapy) without asking any questions of the prospective therapist.

But the truth is, there is much more to choosing a mental health professional besides lifting up a phone and making an appointment.

Asking the Right Questions

Almost anyone can call themselves a counselor, so choosing someone to work with based on this title offers no clues about the person’s credentials, schooling or integrity and almost no protection in the event you receive substandard service.

Titles, such as marriage and family therapist, licensed clinical social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist can only be used by persons with the corresponding credentials who’ve received specific education and training.

Furthermore, licensed mental health practitioners such as these should be members in good standing with their respective licensing bodies. Verifying this information will allow you to know something about the education and training the mental health provider has received and provide you some degree of protection in the event your receive poor or improper treatment.

That having been said, verifying a mental health practitioner’s license and qualifications doesn’t give very many details about their particular learning, competence and whether they’ll suit your needs.

The only way you can learn if a therapist or counselor is able to deliver the assistance you need is by asking them questions, such as:

What age ranges do you treat?

What problems do you work with?

What sort of instruction and certifications have you obtained?

How many years have you been providing therapy?

Have you been in therapy yourself?

How do you work with clients that helps them get better?

Do you participate in any professional groups?

Do you update your education and training?

You needn’t ask all of these – especially in a first session when you need a lot of time to talk yourself. But do ask them. And trust your sense of safety with the therapist in the first session. One of the most important determinants of successful counseling is the connection or “fit” between you and your therapist. If you don’t feel comfortable and safe with the therapist you’re working with, it will be nearly impossible for you to do the deep honest work necessary to heal and grow.

Beyond determining the credentials, experience, and expertise of the counselor and how comfortable and safe you feel with them, the therapist should ask several questions about you and your situation. They too should make sure there is a reasonable match between your personality, needs and goals and who they are and the services they offer.

The counselor will need to question you about what brings you to counseling, as well as about your family members and general past. They will also ask questions regarding your childhood, schooling, interpersonal relationships, intimate relationships, vocation and present circumstances.

Always bear in mind, even the very best therapists may not be the most effective for everyone, and no therapist can appropriately handle anything and everything. When considering a psychotherapist, have them provide an example of an issue that is outside the range of their practice, or they are insufficiently trained to treat. If they are unable to or will not reply, you’ve just eliminated a prospect. Every mental health professional should be willing to recommend other professionals upon request.

Where to Begin Your Search

To identify a counselor or psychotherapist that’s right for you, start out your research by asking a family doctor, clergy or any other qualified service providers you rely on for referrals.

You may also ask trusted friends or family, or you can search the Internet for counselors in your area. But be aware, an exceptional ad or Web page isn’t going to make a therapist skilled or experienced. Ask the therapist about their education and expertise directly, regardless of whether you obtain a recommendation from a reliable source.

Similar to determining any professional to work with, doing due diligence and making a thorough assessment about whom to use will increase the chance that therapy will meet your needs and allow you to achieve your objectives. You shouldn’t be self-conscious or frightened to ask point-blank questions… After all, your future health, well-being and happiness is at stake!

To learn more about counseling and therapy, visit Mark Tinley’s website on counseling and therapy in Pasadena, CA.

Technorati Tags: depression, grief loss, health, men's issues, Mental Health, parenting, Relationships, Self Esteem, Self-Improvement, stress management, women's issues

I’m jealous of my wife. There’s no reason for it. I know I’m going to lose her if I don’t quit.

Olivia was jealous. She could hardly stand it if another woman looked at her husband. Gavin’s comment to us was, “She’s even jealous when I play with the kids. Frankly, I just want to run, but I need to save my marriage for their sake. If I left, she’s do everything she could to keep me from seeing them.”

Olivia refused to go to a counselor or a psychologist, but she liked our books. Her husband Gavin hoped that we could help her make a change Gary was doing the same thing to his wife. Though she’d never been with anyone else, and although she made sure he was with her when she went anywhere and clearly was in love with the man – he was really jealous. It all came to a head when after church they got into a huge argument because she’d talked to a guy in their small group meeting. It didn’t matter that Gary had been there to see exactly what she had done. No, they hadn’t been talking about anything but the preacher’s morning message. Yes, when Gary walked up, she pulled him in close and put her arm around him.

But Gary’s imagination went wild. He started thinking of all sorts of things that his wife could have been talking about to the other guy during the first couple of minutes of conversation. He demanded to know exactly what had been said, why they were talking and what was said about him. His wife patiently answered the first few questions, but as Gary got angrier, she dissolved into tears, wondering what she had done to deserve this attack. She loved her husband but this had gone too far.

Jealousy is not love. It is rooted in fear. Fear is the catalyst for insecurities that create cracks in a solid marriage. Insecurity, in turn, results in possessiveness, and the need to control. Possessiveness and the need to control evidence themselves in jealous behavior. Jealousy will choke the life out of any relationship and can drive even the most devoted partner away, because it creates a prison – not just for the person who is jealous but his/her partner as well.

Jealousy is not love. It is rooted in fear. Fear generates insecurity. Insecurity, in turn, results in possessiveness, and the need to control. Possessiveness and the need to control evidence themselves in jealous behavior. Jealousy will choke the life out of any relationship and can drive even the most devoted partner away, because it creates a prison – not just for the person who is jealous but his/her partner as well.

If you’re a jealous person, and you want your marriage to survive, we’ll say it as bluntly as we know how – you need to do whatever it takes to get rid of the green-eyed giant. If you truly love your spouse and want to trust that your marriage is solid you can make a change.

Jealousy can show up in the lives of people who otherwise seem strong and in control. They seem to have a need to fasten an iron grip on people, jobs, ideas and attitudes and tighten that grip if anything starts to slip. They can crush the life out of the people and projects they are associated with by smothering them. Learning how to react in an acceptable and reasonable way is the key to solving serious jealousy issues.

Even gentle people can be jealous if they are insecure and fearful. Their jealousy evidences itself in dependency. Others soon tire of their clinging and feel suffocated by their possessiveness, so they find excuses not to be around them. Even the other partner needs to have support to make a change. Envy and jealousy can occur in your relationships with everyone. If you haven’t conquered the demon, you may be unkind toward your spouse’s relatives – especially your mother-in-law. You may even be envious of your husband’s or wife’s successes.

Jealousy makes everyone involved feel awful. It is like a cancer that gnaws at relationships. It’s ugly. The Substitution Technique; or shall we call it our Save My Marriage Technique can help you change the pattern. It’s essential because many marriages and relationships are destroyed by jealousy. Get rid of the fire spitting beast and safeguard your marriage. Before you drive your loved one any further away, download or send for our material.

You can save your marriage. Go to www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com. Get rid of jealousy. Our marriage saving material is exactly what you need.

Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com

Save your marriage, Save your marriage today, and get separate help for men. Also published at Jealous – It’s Not A Loving Emotion!.

Technorati Tags: marriage problems, Relationships, Saving your marriage

After you get married to your sweetheart, at times you might feel the first flush of love fading. The look in his eyes, the touch on your waist, the brushing of your arms and the warmth of his lips on yours might no longer bring to you the same intense emotions that they once did. How do you keep the tingling sensation and the deep in your stomach pit feeling alive?

Several women were asked about what makes them feel truly cared for. Most of them answered the small things in life like a guiding arm on their waist at a crowded place. Little things do go far.

There are several ways to keep the magic in your marriage alive. Appreciation works big time. Let your partner know how much you care and appreciate all the things that they do for you. Give them compliments about the way they look, the dress and the hairstyle. Let her know what a good homemaker she is, the way she handles the kids and stop being critical. If you have to criticize find the right time and place.

Spend as much time as you can with your partner. Do not let all the technological gizmos come in between the two of you. Do not allow the phone, television or the laptops distract you. Listen to what your partner has to say. Really listen and try and understand them.

All of us love presents and what better way to show your partner how very much you care for them. Go and buy them a handbag from Hermes replica handbags and watch the delight on their face. A handbag from Hermes replica handbags works fine as this is one gift that they will carry along with them always. On the other hand, no gift can convey, no love too.

If you like fashionable Hermes replica, then please do yourself a favor and enjoy Hermes replica handbags from RHP. You will love it!

Technorati Tags: advice, motivation, relationship, Relationships, women

In a News Release, a study showed:Statistical analyses … revealed that the more young adults play video games, the more frequent their involvement in risky behaviors like drinking and drug abuse. Young adults who played video games daily reported smoking pot almost twice as often as occasional players, and three times as often as those who never play.

I was doing my usual, prowling around the net looking for addiction information and was looking for info on internet addiction. While this study does not really talk about that…I found it intriguing. I just wonder about the interpretation. You read. You Judge. Here goes…

“A new study connects young adults’ use of video games to poorer relationships with friends and family – and the student co-author expresses disappointment at his own findings.

Brigham Young University undergrad Alex Jensen and his faculty mentor, Laura Walker, publish their results Jan. 23 in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence.

The research is based on information collected from 813 college students around the country. As the amount of time playing video games went up, the quality of relationships with peers and parents went down.

“It may be that young adults remove themselves from important social settings to play video games, or that people who already struggle with relationships are trying to find other ways to spend their time,” Walker said. “My guess is that it’s some of both and becomes circular.”

For the record, Walker did not stand in the way of her family’s wish for a Nintendo Wii. Jensen had hoped to find some positive results as justification for playing Madden NFL.

Study participants reported how often they play video games. They also answered a battery of questions measuring relationship quality, including how much time, trust, support and affection they share with friends and parents.

But the researchers say video games do not themselves mean “game over” for a relationship because the connection they found is modest.

“Relationship quality is one of a cluster of things that we found to be modestly associated with video games,” Walker said. “The most striking part is that everything we found clustered around video game use is negative.”

Statistical analyses also revealed that the more young adults play video games, the more frequent their involvement in risky behaviors like drinking and drug abuse. Young adults who played video games daily reported smoking pot almost twice as often as occasional players, and three times as often as those who never play.

For young women, self-worth was low if their video game time was high.

And despite heavy involvement with the research, Jensen does not admit the results to his own family. For now he holds out hope that future research will exonerate consoles or games designed for multiple players.

He’s also curious how video games may affect young couples. Nearly three-fourths of college-aged men in the study played video games regularly. By comparison, just 17 percent of their female counterparts played more than once a month.

“The gender imbalance begs the question of whether chasing a new high score beats spending quality time with a girlfriend or wife,” Jensen said.

Walker teaches in BYU’s School of Family Life. Her colleagues Larry Nelson and Jason Carroll are co-authors on the study.

The new study stems from Project READY, a broad effort looking at young people and the transition to adulthood. The project began in 2004 with an extensive survey of college students around the country. Researchers are beginning another phase of the project that will follow a new batch of students over time. Reports by Project Ready researchers have been published in academic journals such as Journal of Youth and Adolescence, Journal of Adolescent Research, Journal of Family Psychology and other peer-reviewed publications.”

Technorati Tags: bad-relationships, dysfunctional-relationships, Relationships

It seems that a shared characteristic of people either in active addiction or early addiction recovery is that their relationships are damaged in certainly in need of repair.

Common advice given to people new in recovery is not to start any new relationships for the first year.  The rationale behind such advice is that until there’s a certain growth and maturity in recovery, most people new in sobriety lack the skills to effectively identify, own, and process emotions and feelings.  The ability to handle emotions and feelings directly affects the quality of relationships.

Here are some topics for discussion for you in your partner.  A major contributor to successful relationships is the ability to communicate.  Specifically, to communicate and understand important aspects of your partners goals and believes.

Take a look, I’m sure you’ll find some interesting discussion points here.

1.    How can we best nurture our support for one another?
2.    How will we communicate with one another on a daily basis?
3.    How dependent will we be toward one another and is it healthy?
4.    How can we give our mutual intimacy a boost in the relationship?
5.    How long do we intend our relationship to last for example, do we want to get married?
6.    How will we ensure that we respect each other’s rights in this relationship?
7.    How will we help one another “grow” in this relationship?
8.    How can we keep the fun in our relationship?
9.    How will we include others in our relationship without losing our support for one another?
10.    How should or will we approach problems in our relationship?
11.    How will we solve problems?
12.    How are we going to handle various differences of opinion?
13.    How will we handle irritation with one another and is it worth the effort?
14.    How are we going to handle fights and bring them to a healthy resolution?
15.    At what point will we seek help for ourselves if our fighting gets out of hand or will we even bother, for example will we seek counseling together?
16.    Will we agree to disagree?
17.    How can we ensure mutual growth in this relationship?
18.    How open are we to taking joint and individual responsibility for our relationship?
19.    How can we ensure that our individuality doesn’t get lost in this relationship?
20.    How open are we to being assertive in our relationship?
21.    How can we use our unique, individual personalities to help each other and our relationship grow?
22.    What steps will we take if one or both of us begins to feel smothered by the relationship?
23.    What steps are we willing to take if one or both of us has the need for mental health assistance?
24.    How are we going to promote each other’s physical health and will we be supportive of each other?
25.    What steps can we take to handle jealousy, a sense of competition, or resentment toward one another?
26.    How are we going to make time to do all the things we want to do?
27.    How are we going to arrange our schedules so that we can pursue our unique, individual interests and still spend quality time together?
28.    How free are we to pursue our distinct interests and friends?
29.    How committed are we to setting up long range relationship goals and short range objectives to reach those goals?
30.    How committed are we to setting up times in which we can nourish one another and keep our relationship on track?
31.    How can we structure ways to get the “required” relationship maintenance tasks.
32.    How can we delegate the maintenance tasks so that neither of us feels that we are doing too much?
33.    What place will religion, hobbies, sports, and outside interests have in our relationship?
34.    How important are those things to our relationship?
35.    Can we nurture our differences?

Technorati Tags: relationship skills, Relationships

This concept of healthy relationships is clear, quick, and easily understood. Though the relationship concepts are simple they say so much.

Here You Go:

1. I can be me.
2. You can be you
3. We can be us.
4. I can grow.
5. You can grow.
6. We can grow together.

These steps are from The Struggle For Intimacy by Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D. She is a pioneer in the fields of Adult Children of Alcoholics and Codependency.

Technorati Tags: Codependency, healthy-relationships

Adult children of alcoholics, (ACOA),  can often be identified as certain signs and symptoms. These clusters of traits often dictate somewhat unique potential problems in addiction recovery.

Janet Geringer Woitiz, Ed.D, is a pioneer in family systems therapy and is help to define the field of adult children of alcoholics. In her book Adult Children Of Alcoholics,pg.xxvi – xxvii, she identifies these signs and symptoms:

1. Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is.

2. ACOA’s have difficulty following a project through from beginning until end.

3. Adult children lie what it would be just as easy to tell the truth.

4. Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy.

5. They often have difficulty having fun.

6. Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously.

7. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships.

8. An ACOA often overreacts to changes over which they have no control.

9. Adult children constantly seek approval and affirmations.

10. Adult children of alcoholics usually feel they are different from other people.

11. Adult children of alcoholics are either super responsible or super irresponsible.

12. Adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.

13.Adult children of alcoholics are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self loathing or loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

Technorati Tags: ACOA, Adult Children of Alcoholics

This article on bad relationships by Margaret Paul is one of the best I have found. In my opinion, there are 2 things people active in their addiction or entering early addiction recovery need help with are: feelings and emotions, and relationships.Many people in early recovery seek marriage relationship advice .

5 Relationship Killers and How to Avoid Them

By Margaret Paul PhD.

As a relationship counselor, I am constantly being asked why so many relationships fail. In the 37 years that I have worked with couples, I have discovered five major relationship killers:

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR

Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear motivates various forms of controlling behavior. Controlling behavior falls into two major categories – overt control and covert control.

Overt control includes many forms of attack, such as blaming anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism and ridicule.

Covert control includes compliance, enabling, withdrawal, defending, explaining, lying and denying. Often a person at the other end of attack will respond with some form of covert control in an attempt to have control over not being attacked.

Controlling behavior always results in resentment and emotional distance, bringing about the very rejection that it is meant to avoid.

RESISTANCE

Many people enter relationships with a deep fear of being engulfed and controlled – of losing themselves. The moment they experience their partner wanting control over them, they respond with resistance – withdrawal, unconsciousness, numbness, forgetfulness, and procrastination.

When one partner is controlling and the other is resistant – which is really an attempt to have control over not being controlled – the relationship becomes immobilized. Partners in this relationship system feel frustrated, stagnant, and resentful.

NEEDINESS

Many people enter a relationship believing that it is their partner’s job to fill their emptiness, take away their aloneness, and make them feel good about themselves. When people have not learned how to take responsibility for their own feelings and needs, and to define their own self-worth, they may pull on their partner and others to fill them with the love they need.

SUBSTANCE AND PROCESS ADDICTIONS

Most people who feel empty inside turn to substance and process addictions in an attempt to fill their emptiness and take away the pain of their aloneness and loneliness. Alcohol and drug abuse, food, spending, gambling, busyness, Internet sex and pornography, affairs, work, TV, accumulating things, beautifying, and so on, can all be used as ways to fill emptiness and avoid fears of failure, inadequacy, rejection and engulfment. And they are all ways of shutting out your partner.

EYES ON PARTNER’S PLATE

Many people are acutely aware of what their partner is doing that is causing relationship problems, but completely unaware of what they are doing. For example, you might be very aware of your partner’s resistance or withdrawal, but totally unaware of your own judgmental behavior. You might be very aware of your partner’s anger, but completely unaware of your own compliance. You might be very aware of your partner’s addictive behavior, but very unaware of your own enabling. As long as your eyes are on your partner instead of on yourself, you will continue to believe that if only your partner changed, everything would be okay.

RESOLVING RELATIONSHIP KILLERS

All relationship killers come from fear – of inadequacy, of failure, of rejection and of engulfment. As long as you are coming from any of these fears, you will be behaving in one or more of the above ways.

The way out is to develop a loving adult self who knows how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs. You will move beyond controlling, needy and addictive behavior only when you learn how to fill your self with love and define your own inner worth. When you are willing to take your eyes off your partner’s plate and turn your eyes fully on yourself, you can begin to do the inner healing work necessary to heal yourself and your relationship.

A good place to start is to download our free Inner Bonding course and begin to practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding. The daily practice of these steps will move you out of your addictive and controlling behavior and into the personal responsibility necessary to heal your relationship.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Here are some related posts on bad relationships from around the net:

Low self esteem is bad for your relationship – Low self esteem is not only dangerous for your health but it is also bad for your relationship. Self esteem plays a very important role on how you behave in a relationship and if you are suffering from low self esteem then it is more …

Fix Broken Marriage – Keywords: kids babies baby holidays birthday party parties school friends funny trips home pranks jokes Fix Broken Marriage Fixing A Broken Relationship How To Fix Relationships Fix Bad Relationship Fix Relationship heal relationship …

A lot of abusers skirt boundaries with their victim. They do just … – Most women don’t learn that unless they’ve had to go through a bad relationship- so for that I’m glad. Not grateful- that guy was a creep- just glad I made it out the other side. I don’t know what motivates these abusers and I don’t …

Why Do Women Stay in Bad Relationships? – I never met a woman who didn’t readily admit that she stayed in a bad relationship too long. I have asked many women recently out of dysfunctional relationships why they remained in them even though they weren’t working. …

Technorati Tags: bad-relationships, Relationships

An enabler, unfortunately, many times is facilitating addiction through their well intentioned desire to help the addict or alcoholic.

How does this occur?

Consider the role of the addict; their intention is to continue the using behavior at all costs. What better way to continue that use than to enlist someone to ‘help’ him?

Without the enabler or codependent, the addict would have to start facing consequences of his actions, and that might interfere with use continued use. The well intentioned enabler, out of love for the addict will ‘protect’ him from consequences and himself.

I watched an episode of the TV show “Intervention” where a mother gave her son, living at home, in his mid twenties money for Heroin, drove him downtown to buy the drugs and back home so he could use ’safely’.

She was afraid he might have uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms or get hurt in a dangerous part of town. That was one of the more dramatic examples of addiction enabling I have seen.

Are you lying, making excuses, and creating alibis for your loved one? These are signs that you may have crossed the line from helping into enabling addiction.

Enabling behavior usually starts out very slowly and gradually with trying to smooth things out with others outside the relationship or family. There is a desire to keep family secrets or not rock the boat. Part of enabling, just like active addiction, is denial. In the beginning the enabler will make all sorts of rationalizations and try to minimize the problem; ignore it and hope it goes away. This does not happen.

The vicious cycle of enabling and addiction works something like this. The chemically dependent person is being shielded from the negative consequences of their use. Since these consequences are not hitting home, they can continue to use, or increase their use even more. The ‘job’ or driving purpose in life for an addict or alcoholic is to continue to use. The emabler in trying to ‘protect’ the user, is simply facillitating increased use.

This means the enabler gets drawn even deeper into the web by having to deal with ever increasing chaos. The increasing chaos in the home can be just the excuse the dependent person needs to keep on using.

Where and how does the madness end? For the enabler, though there may be fear and shame about the situation, it usually ends in anger. The enabler typically tries to hold things together and keeps the mounting frustration and anger bottled up…until one day the explosion occurs. They opt out of continuing the excuses.

A more commonly recommended solution is ‘detaching with love’. This type of detachment will be dealt with in a future article.

Paradoxically at this point, with the rug pulled out from him, the user may encounter the crisis that will be motivation to seek treatment. Pain is not pleasant, but it is a wonderful motivator. People who seek addiction treatment usually come from one of two camps.

1. They simply get sick and tired of being sick and tired. They get worn out. More commonly is the second option:

2. A crisis occurs that hits them with the force of a 2 x 4 in the side of the head.

Being protected from crisis may simply be doing nothing more than preventing engagement in addiction treatment and delaying the entry into addiction recovery

Technorati Tags: Codependency, codependent, enabler, enabling addiction

These relationship boundary mistakes can block both communications and growth in your relationship. Do you know how to prevent them? Read on to find 4 important tips.

The ability to set relationship boundaries is a basic life skill or coping skill in interpersonal relationships.

Many people allow themselves to be imposed upon and even mistreated because of a poor self-image, fear of conflict, and uncertainty about their right to exercise control over their lives.

And, on the flip side, they can cause damage to others by not having a defined sense of self, knowing when to stop, and respecting others as individuals.

A boundary is really a limit, or a behavioral line which is established for protection and should not be violated or crossed.  The way in which you allow others to interact with you is governed by the personal boundaries you have established or defined in your life. The way you enforce these boundaries is the primary way you protect yourself emotionally.

Here are the 4 mistakes commonly made:

1. Not having a clear mind.

You must determine what is acceptable and not acceptable about the person or situation. Examine and express your thoughts and feelings. Setting boundaries is about setting limits and you must have a clear vision about what you want and do not want.

2. Not communicating those boundaries to people involved.

It may sound strange but many people will come up with boundaries, not make them known, and then wonder why they are violated. A common dysfunction in relationships is the idea of ‘If you loved me you would know what I want and give it to me’ or ‘You should know I don’t like that’. How would they know if you never tell them?

3. After communicating, ask for and listen to feedback.

After communicating, ask for and listen to feedback. Is your boundary realistic, did they understand what you were trying to communicate and why? Relationships serve the purpose of getting your needs met. Perhaps the issue had been festering on both sides and simply airing it out and being specific will be enough.

4. Not defending your boundaries.

Sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, your boundaries will be challenged. Firstly, stop what is going on, identify and name the transgression as soon as it happens. Do not store it up for later, risking growing resentment or ignoring it  ‘just this once’. That leads to inconsistency and a weakening of the limits you set.

By setting boundaries in relationships we are saying we will no longer be a victim of fate or at the mercy of a cold, cruel world. We can start getting some direction in our lives and relationships rather than letting those on the outside control us. It means taking emotional responsibility for ourselves and not taking on that of others.

By taking the time to sit and look at wants, needs, goals and desires, we can begin to move forward in the direction to get them met for ourselves, rather than relying on others, or worse yet, staying stuck in a rut of our own making. Seek marriage advice if needed.

Technorati Tags: boundaries, relationship-boundaries, Relationships

Do you have any of these common characteristics of adult children of alcoholics? Reading these article will provide some answers.

Children growing up in a family where alcoholism is present learn survival skills. Unfortunately these solutions don’t work well as adults.

Alcohol use within the family affects all members, not just the alcoholic. Children growing up in this environment have a particularly difficult time.

Modeling is the most powerful form of education and they grow up seeing, and being taught, dysfunctional behavior. They see and learn methods of survival that may work for a child, but are then carried forward into adulthood where they are dysfunctional.

Here are 5 common characteristics of adult children of alcoholics:

1. They feel they must be in control of behavior and feelings at all times. This desire to control may be an overreaction to growing up in chaos where active alcoholism is present. This tendency to want to be in control at all times is grounded in fear. If all aspects of their life cannot be controlled, it will automatically get worse.

2. ACOA’s struggle with intimate relationships. Being intimate requires releasing some control and being vulnerable. This is difficult. Love is often expressed as rescuing people or trying to fix others problems, rather than being a partner. A survival skill growing up may have been the need to hide feelings and not express them for fear of consequences.

3. Perfectionism, heightened sense of responsibility. Children in alcoholic families learned that if they were ‘perfect’ they might get positive attention. In many cases whatever they did was not enough. Self-esteem comes from how they are viewed by others. They can be extremely self-critical, never attaining the ideal of how good they ‘should’ be.

4. A tendency toward compulsive behaviors. Being a child of an alcoholic increases the likelihood the child will become addicted to alcohol. It is also noted however, a tendency toward other compulsive behaviors such as gambling, disordered eating or addictive relationships.

5. Abandonment fears. I believe this stems from the learned uncertainty in childhood of not knowing what was coming next, a hug or a slap. Adult children often believe that any relationship, no matter how bad or abusive, is better than none at all. Often they will do anything to hang on.

There are many more identifiable symptoms and signs characteristic of ACOA’s. Here us some supplemental reading from around the web:

Comment on adult children of alcoholics by CP – So having an alcoholic parent, puts you at greater risk. My mother was an alcoholic and having subsequently suffered my own addictions, I know that the trauma of watching her fight her alcoholism in my early years, played a big part in …

Adult Children Of Alcoholics – One of the best recovery tools for me at a time when I didn’t even know what AA or addiction was all about was an “Adult Children Of Alcoholics” support group I attended weekly for nine months. It was the single most important part of …

The 13 Characteristics of Adult Children – Woititz book “Adult Children of Alcoholics”. It has given me the knowledge to better understand the person I see in the mirror. At times, the book left me feeling emotionally drained. Please make an effort to completely read her book. …

Welcome to Adult Children of Alcoholics – World Service Org. – Sharing equally with others in the society of ACOA means never to be alone anymore. No bosses. No rules, No dues or fees, yet self-supporting. Just sharing, one day at a time with others healing in unconditional love. …

Crazymaking, Social Proof and Restoration to Rationality – Anonymous: Adult Children of Alcoholics: Alcoholic / Dysfunctional Families, Torrance, CA: ACA World Service Office, 2006. Anonymous: Co-Dependents Anonymous, Phoenix, AZ: Co-Dependents Anonymous, 1995. Bandura, A.: Self-Efficacy: The …

Technorati Tags: ACOA, adult children, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Alcoholism

Bad relationships, dysfunctional relatationships; ralationships are almost always damaged by substance abuse. If an addict wants to coninue to use substances, the last thing they want to hear is a loved one telling them to stop. This is why the deeper we move into addiction, the deeper we move into isolation.

Here is a well written article on bad relationships:

Are you Addicted to Bad Relationships?



By Alina Ruigrok

Do you often find that you involve yourself in relationships that disappoint you? Are you not getting what you need and desire from the people you choose to date? Does there always seem to be something missing?

So what are the symptoms of this addiction?

Ignoring the truth would be one. If you truly know that the relationship you are in is making you unhappy but make no effort to exit from it, then you are in denial and are holding yourself hostage in a situation you do not have to be in. Making excuses for your partners disappointing and bad behavior will keep you trapped and is another huge symptom of bad relationship addiction, especially if the excuses you produce do not back up the facts and are unrealistic. If you do finally build up the courage to confront your partner to leave him or her but are overcome with fear and therefore back off from the confrontation, you are a high and sure victim of addiction because no matter what you attempt, you find yourself always giving in and holding on to what you know is bad for you. Suffering from both physical and mental discomfort once broken up, unless you get back together, is yet another symptom of addiction and should not be denied or ignored.

What causes addiction to bad relationships?

There are several levels and everyones addiction is different and varies. One common reason is the feeling and belief that if you end the relationship, you will never find anyone else who could possibly be interested in you or love you. You grow so attached to your partner that you forgot your life before him or her, making you feel fearful of being on your own and taking care of yourself. Fear of criticism is another reason many people remain in bad relationships. They are afraid of what people will say, believing that ending a relationship means that they are a failure and being alone is unacceptable and terrifying. Other reasons may be financial support that you are receiving from a partner, making you feel that you should tolerate bad behavior from your lover, since they are supporting you. Having a child together can also blind you or cause you to deny a bad relationship, making you feel guilty for leaving your childs mother or father. On a deeper level, you could be addicted to disappointing and bad relationships due to your upbringing or experiences as a child yourself. Perhaps you were not nurtured or loved enough and you now think it is normal to be neglected from love, care and understanding.

What should you do and how can you break a bad relationship addiction?

Since this addiction is difficult and basically impossible for you to end on your own, counseling would be the best assistance for you. Find a counselor or service in which experts provide their services through, and take that first step in accepting the fact that you have an addiction and that you need and want help to conquer it. Start being a best friend to yourself and open the door to all the feelings you have kept locked up for so long. Stay focused and encourage yourself frequently by setting a goal, and picturing yourself away from all the disappointment and closer to all the happiness and good health you need, desire and deserve as a person. Never give up and know that you are not alone. There are people who can help you, know how to help and will help you. Mainly, keep in mind that there will always be a person who will be by your side and never leave you, always giving you the strength, love and support you need…and that person is YOU.

Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for http://www.love-sessions.com helping those in need of dating, love, relationship, marital, sexual and other personal advice through e-sessions. About the Author Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for http://www.love-sessions.com helping those in need of dating, love, relationship, marital, sexual and other personal advice through e-sessions.

Technorati Tags: Addiction, addictive-relationships, bad-relationships, dysfunctional-relationships

Any relationship involves a certain degree of codependency. Here is a quiz designed to find out if you are codependent to a problematic degree. The terms enabler and codependent arise when speaking of the partner involved in a relationship with an addicted person, but the addict may also be codependent.

Any relationship that involves addiction sledom has moderation as a foundation, it usually involves extremes such as one partner being the giver and one the taker. Here is the quiz:

By Royane Real, Are You Codependent?

Do you feel like you give and give in your relationships but you get very little back? Are you always trying to save somebody or rescue somebody that doesn’t have their life together?

You may be co-dependent.

Take the quiz in this article and find out. In a relationship between two emotionally healthy adults, the roles of giving and receiving help are balanced. Both people offer help and receive help from each other in approximately equal amounts.However, there are some people who always take on the role of being the helper, no matter what relationship they are in. These people give, and give, and they always seem to get involved with people who have very serious emotional problems, such as addiction.And they exhaust themselves trying desperately to save the other person, even at tremendous cost to their own health. These people have friendships that focus exclusively on trying to solve the problems of their friends.

We sometimes call this quality “codependency“, and we may label people who are obsessed with helping others “co-dependent”. A person who is co-dependent will tend to have relationships with people who have a lot of problems emotional, social, familial and financial. The co-dependent person may spend much of their own time, money, and energy helping other people who have problems, while ignoring the problems in their own life.Why would somebody be co-dependent?A person who is co-dependent often suffers from a deep sense of worthlessness and anxiety, and tries to derive a sense of self-worth by helping or rescuing others. A person who is co-dependent may not know how to relax and feel comfortable in a friendship where both people are equals and the relationship is based on enjoying each other’s company.

Co-dependent people may even feel anxious if someone they have been helping gets their life in order and no longer wants their help. The co-dependent person may immediately look around for someone else they can “save”. If you frequently take on the role of helping the people who are your friends, how can you tell if you are acting out of genuine kindness and concern, or whether your behavior is in fact co-dependency? When is it healthy to put the needs of other people first, and when is it unhealthy?There aren’t really any hard and fast lines between the two.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to see whether your “helping” behavior may actually be co-dependency:

1. Do you have a hard time saying no to others, even when you are very busy, financially broke, or completely exhausted?
2. Are you always sacrificing your own needs for everyone else?
3. Do you feel more worthy as a human being because you have taken on a helping role?
4. If you stopped helping your friends, would you feel guilty or worthless?
5. Would you know how to be in a friendship that doesn’t revolve around you being the “helper”?
6. If your friends eventually didn’t need your help, would you still be friends with them? Or would you look around for someone else to help?
7. Do you feel resentful when others are not grateful enough to you for your efforts at rescuing them or fixing their lives?
8. Do you sometimes feel like more of a social worker than a friend in your relationships?
9. Do you feel uncomfortable receiving help from other people? Is the role of helping others a much more natural role for you to play in your relationships?
10. Does it seem as if many of your friends have particularly chaotic lives, with one crisis after another?
11. Did you grow up in a family that had a lot of emotional chaos or addiction problems?
12. Are many of your friends addicts, or do they have serious emotional and social problems?
13. As you were growing up, did you think it was up to you to keep the family functioning?
14. As an adult, is it important for you to be thought of as the “dependable one”?

If you answered “yes” to a lot of these questions, you may indeed have a problem with co-dependency. This does not mean that you are a flawed person. It means that you are spending a lot of energy on other people and very little on yourself. If it seems that a lot of your friendships are based on co-dependent rescuing behaviors, rather than on mutual liking and respect between equals, you may wish to step back and rethink your role in relationships.If you suspect that your helping behavior is a form of co-dependency, a good therapist or counselor can help you gain perspective on your actions and learn a more balanced way of relating to others.

There are many excellent books available on the subject of co-dependency, such as “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie. Attending support groups such as Al-Anon can also help you reduce the stress of codependent relationships, and get you to focus on your own life instead of endlessly trying to rescue all those around you.

This article was written by self help author Royane Real. For more information about how you can have more friendships and better relationships, get her new book “How You Can Have All the Friends You Want” Download it today at>http://www.royanereal.comCopyright Royane Real http://www.royanereal.com

Here are some good articles and new blogs I found on codependency:

Codependency

Help with Overcoming Codependency

Symptoms of Addiction and Codependency

Recovery from Codependency is Possible

Technorati Tags: Codependency, codependent