I was feeling a little low today, and that’s OK. I am arriving at a life crossroads and did not know if I was up to the changes needed. So I looked for a self esteem booster, a little positive reinforcement. Hope one resonates with you.

Self Esteem Quotes & Quotations

Technorati Tags: positive reinforcement, Self Esteem

by Jeff Herring

Self esteem. Now there’s a well used and little understood term. Self esteem seems to be one of those terms that we frequently use without really knowing exactly what it means. Just what is this self esteem thing? And where do you go to get some?

I’ve never seen a self esteem store at the mall. Not yet any way. Many people tend to define self esteem as the way you feel about yourself, which seems to be a little redundant.

For the sake of this article, let’s define self esteem as the perceptions and beliefs you have about yourself. Having said all that, let’s focus in on a quick and simple way to improve your self esteem.

One of the quickest and simplest methods for improving your self esteem is simply to rate it on what I call the Self Esteem Rating Scale(TM).

Here’s how it works: on a scale of one to ten, with one being the worst and ten being the best, rate your self esteem in these four ways?:

1) what it is now

2) the worst it’s ever been

3) the best it’s ever been

4) how you would like it to be Now, having done that (if you haven’t done that, go back and do it before you read on, it just takes a few seconds!) consider these things:

1. What were you doing when it was the worst that you might need to eliminate?

2. What were you doing when it was the best that you might need to resume doing, continue doing, or do more of in the future?

3. If your self esteem now is higher than the worst it’s ever been, what did you do to change it that you might want to continue to do?

Now take a look at the difference between what your self esteem is now and what you would like it to be. The difference is the ground you need to cover to improve your self esteem. Now for a seemingly bizarre and unrelated question. How do you like your pizza? Just bare with me here. However you like it, what would happen if you tried to eat an extra large version of it in one bite? That’s right, you couldn’t do it and would probably choke. So you slice it into smaller pieces and then take even smaller bites to accomplish the task.

It’s the same way with self esteem. For example, let’s say your self esteem is now a five and you would like it to be a ten. That’s a difference of five self esteem levels. If you tried to jump from a five to a ten all at once, you would probably become frustrated, discouraged and give up. It’s just to big a leap. What you can do is begin to break it into manageable pieces by asking yourself “What will it take to move from a five to a six, a six to a seven?” , and so on. In this way you are biting off manageable chunks that will give you the opportunity to achieve small successes, which can then motivate you on to the bigger successes of accomplishing your self esteem goal.

While using the Self Esteem Rating Scale can be a quick and easy way to improve your self esteem, that’s not to say it won’t involve some struggles. And that’s a good thing because I believe there is value in the struggle. A patient of mine recently shared the following wonderful story about butterflies and the value of struggling. Now if you have ever had the privilege of watching the amazing process of a butterfly leaving its cocoon, you know its quite a struggle.

Well, it seems some scientists, in their esteemed wisdom, found a way to get butterflies out of their cocoons without a struggle. What they found however, was that the butterflies that had to struggle out of their cocoons lived longer, flew better, and were more beautiful than the butterflies that were removed without a struggle.

Besides saying something about the value of the struggle, I believe it also says something to us about the difference between science and success! Maybe it’s like something Tom Hanks said in the movie “A League of Their Own.” One of the players was complaining about how hard something was and Hanks responded, “Of course it’s hard. That’s what makes it good.” Or perhaps it’s like I say to many of my patients who want to change their self esteem, “I won’t promise you the struggle will be easy, just worth it.”

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Here are some great, related, self-esteem posts from some of our friends:

Patience and Self-Esteem – Although continual practice of techniques that move our spiritual goals forward will often improve our insights and awaken self-esteem, each journey requires a strong and continued sense of patience with ourselves and others. …

How to find self-esteem outside of your relationships – Whether these relationships are friends only or more than just friends, how to find self esteem outside of your friendship can seem very difficult. There are ways that you can find the self-esteem you deserve outside of your friendships …

Healthy Self-Esteem Lies Within You – Self-esteem that is healthy is an ‘inside job’. While outer work or ‘doing’ something can temporary give us a ‘high’ and elevate how we feel, it generally does not last long. Outer achievement will build your confidence to a degree,…

Self esteem that never fails. – Find self esteem that endures no matter what. The only true source of self esteem…

Technorati Tags: esteem, Self Esteem

Low self-esteem and building confidence is frequently an issue that needs to be addressed in early addiction recovery. I love information that is presented in a ‘quick tips format’ and found this article on self-esteem that I thought was quite well done.

7 Steps To Achieving Healthy Self-Esteem

By Sandy Heinz

The happiest people are those who do not judge others, live in kindness and love themselves. Do you ever see someone who is perpetually happy and wish you could be like them? You CAN achieve a healthy self-esteem…it takes time and effort. Following are seven steps to help you on your way to becoming a happier, healthier YOU.

1. IDENTIFY

One is not required to live by I have to or I must everything we do is a result of a decision…a choice. Choices made in our younger years and choices made this morning when we woke up. Everything is a choice: to obey or disobey; to study or not study; to eat right or not eat right. When making these choices, we control everything about our lives including our future and our level of self-awareness. When you see a wise, confident, beautiful person its not luck, its choice. Once you realize and accept this, only then can you begin to become who it is you want to be. All of us are given gifts…special gifts and talents. Through self-discovery, we are able to identify these gifts. If we pay attention to who we are and what makes us happy, we will make the right choices to set our own future.

2. EVALUATE

Who are you? Look at yourself and be honest. Write on a piece of paper the things you like (Pros) and dont like (Cons) about you. If you are (and you should be) your own best friend, you should be able to take a look at the Cons and develop a plan to begin moving those negatives over to the positive side. Likewise, you should take a look at your Pros and develop a plan to make sure those positive attributes remain on the positive side and continue to grow on the inside AND the outside of you. As you work out a plan, try to find people with like personalities who share your same goals.

These are the very people that will make great friends and help you stay on your set path.

3. CONFIRM

Talk to yourself! Still using your list of Pros, begin reinforcing the positive attributes of your personality. I AM…. I am successful, I am pretty, I am fun!… every positive thought should be repeated often YOU are WHAT you THINK!!!

4. FORGIVE

Forgive yourself for screw ups! They happen to all of us! We are as imperfect as our bodies!! Give yourself a break forgive and move on. You cant change the past but you can live in the present and affect the future.

5. REST

Treat yourself right. Be a friend, a good listener, a giver, not a taker we feel the best about ourselves when we make someone else smile.

6. BE THANKFUL

Gratitude will get you everywhere. Give thanks to your creator. Be humble in all you have. Pray for those with cold hearts or sad lives. Really know what you have; all of the gifts, talents, and things you possess. Here today, gone tomorrow…if you live your life with gratitude and love, peace will always be in your presence.

7. ACCEPTANCE

Do not accept your fate dictated by others. Accept only the fate you give yourself. Through acts of kindness and focused determination, you can achieve all that is good in this life. When you believe in kindness and in yourself you can achieve anything. At that point self-esteem is abundant and so is your life.Know yourself. Like yourself. Live your life like everyone is only in their underwear!

About the Author :Sandy Heinz is the co-founder and CEO of Good 2ba Girl http://www.good2bagirl.net. She lives in Virginia with her husband and three children. Questions can be directed to Sandy at sandy@good2bagirl.net or visit Gigi’s Community http://www.gigigirl.net for more tips and info on relationships.

Here are some other well done articles on improving low self esteem:

Self-Esteem: Self Image, Health, Happiness – Have you ever stopped to think about how your self esteem affects other areas of your well-being? If you are suffering from low self esteem chances are you are also suffering in other areas of your life such as your health, …

Lacking Confidence – Self-Worth Or Self Respect? No Self-Esteem … – How many times in your life have you been talked to about self-esteem? In school, at work, by your friends, by your family – self-esteem is the panacea that can cure many of life’s problems but when you have issues with your self-esteem …

Technorati Tags: low-self-esteem, Self Esteem

Guilt is the emotional reaction people may feel if they believe they are directly or indirectly responsible for something bad happening.

Feelings of guilt arise often in addiction recovery because of our behavior and consequences.

This is different from the feeling of shame, because people who feel shame are evaluating themselves as bad—not just their actions. For example, if you feel bad for telling a lie, that would be a feeling of guilt. However, if you feel bad for being a liar, that would be a feeling of shame.There are two main functions of guilt. It can serve as a way of punishing oneself for bad behavior, or it can also be a catalyst for changing whatever situation caused the feelings of guilt in the first place. Both of these functions can help people to have a better social conscience by caring about how their actions affect other people. In fact, people who don’t feel guilt and remorse from time to time are considered mentally ill. However, guilt can also have harmful effects when it causes people to withdraw from others. Also, there are occasions where people feel irrational guilt for things that are beyond their control. It is a natural feeling, but it is a counterproductive one in this instance.

People may be prone to guilt if they around other people who use it as a means of manipulation. Because guilty people often feel the need to make up for the harm they have done, manipulative people can take advantage of that by guiding people towards conclusions that leave them feeling guilty. It may be entertaining on television when a character gains something by convincing someone else that the situation was his or her fault, but the resentment of being manipulated in real life is no laughing matter.

Childhood experiences can also make a person especially likely to feel guilt. When kids end up caught in the middle of arguments, divorces, or tragedies, they tend to imagine all sorts of ways that they are responsible. It is important for friends and loved ones to offer reassuring words during times like these. Of course, the opposite kinds of words will only make the feelings of guilt multiply if children are constantly told that they are a burden or that everything is their fault.

Guilt can be divided into healthy and unhealthy (also known as toxic) forms of guilt. Feelings of healthy guilt occur when something really, truly is your fault. When you feel guilt in this situation, it is your conscience at work, and that is a very good thing. What kind of a world would this be if most people didn’t care when their actions had adverse effects on other people? Healthy guilt involves people holding themselves responsible for their actions. Although those actions can’t be undone, healthy guilt will motivate people to find ways to better the situation that they caused.

Unhealthy guilt stems from feelings that aren’t based in reality or rationality. It happens when people feel guilty for something they didn’t cause or couldn’t help causing. Unhealthy guilt often gets its roots from guilt and shame, unworthiness that a person has been conditioned to feel. Unhealthy relationships and environments sometimes cause people to feel responsible for things that are really outside of their realm of responsibility. For example, we can’t always be held responsible for how our actions cause other people to feel. It would be healthy to feel guilty for making weight jokes about a woman who is sensitive about her weight, but it would be unhealthy to feel guilty for becoming a doctor when your mother always wanted you to be a lawyer.

To overcome healthy guilt, it can be as simple as doing what your conscience naturally tells you to do. Of course, it all depends on the seriousness of the action for which you feel guilty. It may take a long time to undo the damage you have done, and even the right thing to do isn’t always an easy thing to do.

Overcoming unhealthy guilt can be more difficult. It may be necessary to work on it from both the outside and inside. On the inside, it is helpful to think logically about causes and effects to ensure yourself about what is and is not within a person’s control. It is also important to reflect upon all of the things you do which make you an important person who is worthwhile to be around. Surround yourself with people who reinforce these ideas and don’t tear down your self-esteem. Professional therapy is also an option.

Above all, remember that negative feelings like guilt have a place in all of us. Without them, the good feelings would have nothing to stand out against. The most important thing is to make negative feelings work for you instead of against you.

Technorati Tags: Addiction, Addiction Recovery, guilt, Shame, shame-and-guilt

I was doing some research on a report I am writing concerning shame and how it affects people in addiction recovery. It was tough sledding for me because the more I read about shame the more things started to strike home. One of my issues has always been abandonment. I have been abandoned by a lot of care givers in my life and in a number of intimate relationships. It got to the point where I refused to engage in any relationships at all, and became lonely isolated and withdrew into alcohol and drugs.

I did not think shame was an issue for me.

Now my thoughts got jumbled lot and I was thinking about fear, I was thinking about abandonment, and I was thinking about shame. This all swirled up and I got this insight about myself.

What if my reluctance to get close to people and forming relationships is founded upon my fear of abandonment? Why should I get close to somebody because history teaches me that as soon as I do they leave? Now the part that I never identified was the shame.

Shame is basically defined as feeling defective at the core. It’s not I did that thing it’s I am a bad thing. I wonder if somewhere along the line I internalized the belief that I was not worthy of having somebody care about me or having close relationships. That shame based attitude would be sure to generate fear. As soon as somebody tried to get close to me. I mean my experience says that people getting close = Pain.

I don’t know if any that made sense for you, and maybe I’m just talking out loud. But somehow it seemed to link three or four significant things in my life. Fear, shame, abandonment, and the desire to stay isolated. Somehow I think that I have recognized a key component in my recovery. Now the question is what I do about it?

Technorati Tags: Abandonment, Addiction, Addiction Recovery, Fear, Shame

Sometimes in addiction recovery, self love is lacking. We can be merciless on ourselves. Take a quick moment and be gentle with yourself ladle some self-love into your soul. Here’s how:

1. Self love is acknowledging and recognizing that you’re OK.

2. Self love is trusting your judgment.

3. Self love is seeing yourself as neither better than, nor worse than, others.

4. Self love it is surrounding yourself with friends who care.

5. Self love is talking to yourself in a caring and gentle fashion.

6. Self love is forgiving yourself.

7. Self love is setting limits and sticking to them.

8. Self love is having fun without feeling guilty.

9. Self love is surrounding yourself with people who give you energy, rather than taking away.

10. Self love is developing sound intuition and following it.

That wasn’ t too painful was it? Enjoy your journey in addiction recovery.

Technorati Tags: Addiction, Addiction Recovery, self-approval, self-love

By Pamela M. Joy
When you learn how to empower and motivate yourself, you

take back control of your own emotions and your life!

You dont need pompoms and the false hype! Most people just need a little help in learning how to take a step back in order to see things from a different and more constructive perspective. Once you do, the natural byproduct is confidence, higher self esteem, strength and a strong inner knowing that you are in control of your own life! 

Fleeting Motivation - The problem with cheerleaders and motivators is that they build up your confidence and motivation through manipulating your emotions. But, emotions are temporary and often fleeting. Once you hang up the phone, or the seminar is over, youre then left with you own feelings of doubt and insecurity which begin creeping back to the surface. And, with no clear understanding of whats causing those feelings and more importantly HOW you can change them yourself, youre quickly right back where you started until you get the next temporary fix of inspiration or motivation.

The Root Cause - Its not always easy to see yourself from an objective point of view. And it sometimes takes an outside person whos not emotionally involved in the situation to help you see whats really going on. The only way to change the results is to change whats causing those results. Yeah, I know that sounds easy enough, but what if you honestly dont know whats causing the results? And, what if you have NO idea where to start, or how to even begin?

Weaknesses or Strengths - Everyone has certain things about themselves that they were taught to see as weaknesses, things that were not acceptable and need to be changed. What if you found a way of seeing those very things as not only acceptable, but as strengths instead of weaknesses? How might that change not only the way you see yourself, but also how you felt about yourself? In other words, this IS the cause (or lack thereof) of self esteem! You see, the truth is, every single weakness is really a strength in disguise!

A New Perspective - Every coin has two sides and the picture you see on it is determined by what angle youre viewing it from. In other words, theres more than one way to see the same thing. For example, someone who has been told from childhood that they talk too much and need to learn how to curb that part of their personality, could grow up to become a powerful public speaker. Someone who was taught to stop tinkering with things and taking them apart could grow up to become a famous inventor!

Empower Yourself - When you can start seeing ALL of you as being important and when you can learn how to utilize those weaknesses in a constructive way, you then start building yourself up instead of constantly tearing yourself down! But sometimes it takes another objective perspective to help you see it that way. Once you do start seeing yourself in this way, you truly begin to empower yourself. You no longer need anyone else to motivate you because you are truly motivated by your own strength and power!

When you learn how to empower and motivate yourself, you take back control of your own emotions and your life! You dont need pompoms and false hype! Most people just need a little help in learning how to take a step back in order to see things from a different and more constructive perspective. Once you do that, the natural byproduct is confidence, higher self esteem, strength and a strong inner knowing that you are in control of your life!

About the Author amela M. Joy, Life Coach and Metaphysical Consultant – Life Coaching from a metaphysical perspective! – 434-263-4024 – http://www.kre8ivelady.com

Technorati Tags: Self Esteem

By Caroline Jalango

1. Get a life purpose statement. A well thought out life purpose statement is a powerful way to boost your self-esteem. It will define who you truly are, draw out your essence and affirm you. Whenever you read your life purpose statement, you will be reminded about who you are, what you represent and what you intend to accomplish in life.

2. Take personal development courses. Investing in the acquisition of knowledge and education will boost your self-esteem many levels higher! This will give you control over your life and you will gain self-confidence that will prepare you to face and deal with anything that comes your way.

3. Take action. Do something for yourself. Start doing something for yourself. Take positive risks with your life. Dont live your life in chains. If you want to start a business…do it. Dont live other peoples dreams. Live out loud, live your dream, do something that you feel is important to you. Make sure you accomplish it.

4. Socialize Involve yourself actively in matters that interest you. Join clubs, networking organizations, associations or groups of similar interest and participate actively. Being part of a group gives you a sense of belonging, acceptance and appreciation. Knowing that you are part of something important and meaningful, does a lot to boost your self-esteem.

5. Stand up for yourself. Dont allow people to put you down and dont allow other people’s expectations to thwart what you are capable of becoming. Dont put up with people or situations that negate all the positive things that you can do. Stand up for your dreams!

6. Volunteer to help the less privileged. Volunteering will give you a sense of fulfillment, accomplishment and appreciation. Giving yourself in service to others is one of the noblest things to do. The look of gratitude on the faces of those that you have helped is enough to boost your self esteem

7. Set personal goals and accomplish them. Living aimlessly leaves you with a feeling of emptiness and confusion. Goals give you a sense of purpose. They steer your life in a particular direction. They make your life purposeful. Accomplishing personal goals gives your self-esteem a big boost.

Caroline Jalango is a life coach for unstoppable women who are willing to step up to the plate and take a shot at living exceptional lives wherever they are. www.motivationzone.com Caroline@motivationzone.com

Technorati Tags: Self Esteem

In part 1 of this two-part article we discussed the hierarchy of needs as proposed by Abraham Maslow in the early 1940’s. In that theory he outlined six steps that need to be progressively attained and worked through to eventually attain happiness and spiritual fulfillment.

In this, the second part of our article, we will relate these different levels directly to the effects of being in active addiction and in addiction recovery, and take a look at the interrelationships. We will see how the use of drugs and alcohol interfere with the capability of living life with joy and happiness. To summarize briefly, the five levels were:

Level 1: Physiological needs
Level 2: Safety needs
Level 3: Love and belonging needs
Level 4: Esteem needs
Level 5: Self actualization needs
Level 6: Transcendence needs

Level 1 physiological needs are those that help a body to survive. These include having food, shelter and health. It is not a far stretch of the imagination at all to see how one in active addiction could suffer from poor health brought on by HIV, hepatitis, malnutrition and a host of other maladies common to drug and alcohol users. It is also not unusual for chronic users to have lost their shelter and become homeless.

Level 2 involves safety needs. I believe this level to be the most critical hindrance to attaining happiness that people in active addiction have in their lives. When I was studying as intern, my mentor told me that when people enter addiction treatment, no matter how they present on the surface, be at anger, guilt and shame, depressed, or anxious, the one thing that is a dead certainty, is that the underlying a motion is fear. Fear is the exact opposite of safety. For an addict this fear can be the fear of discovery, the fear of life, or even the fear of looking at themselves. Most addicts get and remain stuck in this cycle of fear and lack of safety.

Maslow says that level 3 involves love and belonging needs. This is the primary human need to love and be loved. There’s a simple fact of the matter here, and that is a person in active addiction is not a very lovable. Almost by definition, they are self-centered in the extreme, looking only to perpetuate their own use, and have little regard for anyone who cares about them who would interfere with their use and would do almost anything to continue to use. Ironically, people in active addiction feel isolated, alone, and have a great need to be loved. However they bring little to the table in terms of emotional presence or stability to form a successful relationship.

The next level has to do with the esteem needs. Almost all people active in addiction have difficulty with low self-esteem. Even those that still have worldly goods about them generally do not feel good about themselves. Why? I believe that it is because people in active addiction, though they cannot stop on their own, are really aware that they are damaging themselves and those around them, and this is in conflict with who were and who they want to be.

The next level that is blocked by addiction is self actualization. This is where happiness and self-fulfillment become possible. I think it is rather easy to see in light of the four previous levels how a person in active addiction cannot hope to get to this level where happiness occurs. They may not be meeting their physiological needs; they are stuck in an attitude of fear with low self-esteem and poor relationships. These conditions do not make for somebody who is happy and self a filled. Changes need to occur.

And finally we have self transcendence needs. These are also referred to as spiritual needs. It is beyond the scope of this article to get into a discussion of spirituality, but it is interesting to note that almost all forms of addiction treatment address the aspect of spirituality as a necessary component for treatment.

To sum things up, a person who turns to alcohol or drugs to fill the ‘hole in the soul’ is definitely looking in the wrong place. But their road to happiness and fulfillment is blocked on many levels. It has become apparent to me that the most primary level where movement is blocked is living life being grounded in fear. Read Part 1 Here

Technorati Tags: fear-in-addiction-recovery, happiness-in-addiction-recovery, in-addiction-recovery

I was asked a short time ago to develop and present a lecture on fear, and the role it plays in active addiction and on those in addiction recovery. It was difficult to get a handle on. As I toyed with ideas I asked myself what the opposite of fear was, and came up with safety. Things started to fall into place and I remembered a concept learned in Psychology 101 which I will share with you. In part 2 of this article I will tie these concepts into addiction and addiction recovery. Here is the background;

In the early 1940’s, Abraham Maslow proposed his Hierarchy of Needs or the Theory of Human Motivation. His theory stated there are five basic human needs that humans must satisfy in a certain order to achieve self-fulfillment or happiness. In other words, the most basic needs are fulfilled in a stepping stone pattern leading to the higher needs.

His concept is usually illustrated as a pyramid of needs leading to the top level of happiness. The most basic need is at the base of the triangle, and the needs rise in importance to the fifth, highest need at the top of the pyramid. A 6th need, self-transcendence, is sometimes grouped with the 5th, but often stands alone. Here are the levels:

Level 1: Physiological Needs

The first and most basic needs at the base of the pyramid are physiological needs. These needs include the needs necessary for the body to survive, such as having air to breathe, water to drink, need to eat, and shelter. These are the needs that are top priorities in the human’s ability to survive. All other needs are second to these basic needs. If these needs are not fulfilled we are not able to survive.

Level 2: Safety Needs

The second level of the pyramid is safety needs. After the basic physiological needs are satisfied, the need for safety and security is necessary. Safety needs include security of employment, physical safety from harm, and finances, family security, being healthy, and security of the future.

Level 3: Love/Belonging Needs

The third layer of the pyramid is love and belonging needs. These are simply the need to love and be loved. They include the needs of friendship, sexual intimacy, and a supportive family. An absence of these feelings can produce loneliness, anxiety, and depression. The sense of love and belonging encourages a healthy individual.

Level 4: Esteem Needs

The fourth level of the Human Motivation pyramid is self-esteem. This includes being respected, having self-respect, and respecting others for themselves. By engaging in activities with others, an individual increases esteem.

Level 5: Self-Actualization Needs

The fifth and top level of the Human Motivation pyramid is self-actualization. This is where happiness and self fulfillment become possible. This is the instinctual need for an individual to make the most of unique abilities and to strive to be the best. According to Maslow, individuals that have achieved self-actualization are embracing of realities, spontaneous in ideas, creative, interested in problem solving, appreciate life, have a system of morality, and judge others without prejudice.

Level 6: Self-Transcendence Needs

This part of Human Motivation is often grouped with self-actualization. This need includes spiritual needs. It is often believed that self-actualization cannot be achieved without self-transcendence, which is why this need is often considered a sixth need. In other words, it is thought that an individual cannot make the most of his/her unique abilities without experiencing self-transcendence.

In Part 2 of this article, we will illustrate why it is impossible to be self-fulfilled and happy in active addiction. We will show how active use in fact, perpetuates the conditions of loneliness and desolation we are trying to escape from. More will be revealed about the dynamics of active addiction and being in addiction recovery.

Technorati Tags: fear-in-addiction-recovery, happiness-in-addiction-recovery, in-addiction-recovery

Our culture is becoming more and more dependent on instant motivation and instant gratification. Our world is moving much so more quickly than it did a generation ago. We are finding that in order to reach our goals we have to clearly define why it is important for us to do so. It is not uncommon for us to need an immediate crisis or cause (such as eliminating illness) in order for us to get off the pot and take concrete action and work toward our goals.

There are a several tips and tricks you can use to find instant motivation to start achieving your goals. In order for your motivational thoughts to be effective, you need to consider what is important to you. For instance, imagining not being able to attend the Super Bowl because you didn’t save up for it, might work for you but it won’t work for everyone. Here are some tips to get you started, just modify them for your own use:

1. Visualize the Goal. This is an important step to staying motivated. It is a good idea to help yourself with visualization by drawing or writing your goal on paper, and then posting it where it will be the most effective to you. For instance, instant motivation to eat less can be when you post a picture of how you want to look on the fridge or cabinet doors. A meditative visualization in your mind of what the goal will look like when it is reached can help.

2. Enlist Some Help. As with anything, having support is a crucial step to succeeding at reaching your goals. If there is nobody to count on, nobody to hold you accountable, it may be difficult for you to follow through. For instance, knowing your buddy will be at the gym waiting for you is instant motivation to make your workout date. Do not entirely rely on your support, however. It is not healthy to blame your support for your lack of trying.

3. Know Why You Are Striving For Your Goal. Besides knowing what your goal is, it is also just as important to know why you want to reach that particular goal. You may want to lose weight to stop smoking to reduce your chances of getting cancer, or lower your risk of heart disease. Your reasons are your instant motivation, and they will keep you on track when you slip up, or worse, feel like giving up.

4. Imagine the Consequences. These may be different than your reasons, and should be more serious than ‘looking fat’ or ‘having bad breath’. What in your life would change for the worse if you do not follow through with your goals? The risks of dying of a heart attack when your cholesterol is over 300 should be plenty of instant motivation to get you serious about losing weight and improving your health.

Finding instant motivation to get you moving isn’t is hard as it seems. It also doesn’t have to be painful for you to implement, if you keep it fun and rewarding. The trick is to stay motivated to, making your dreams come true. It is important to remember that they are within reach, and that you can succeed. A positive attitude and a few simple exercises will go a long way in creating instant motivation for you and your goals.

There is a gallery of sober living and life skill information available in the free, 89 page Recovery Rolodex, Click Here

by Bill Urell

Here are some strategies to help with lonliness. 10 Tips to ease that dreadful feeling that ‘I am alone’. Next to love, loneliness is probably the second most popular feeling that has inspired a million writers, artists and songwriters to create their masterpieces.  Rosetti painted it through the face of his beloved, Van Gogh became a genius because of it and Poe became its poster boy.  Yet, loneliness for all its superficial romanticism, is one of the most destructive of human feelings.  Here are some ways on how to deal with it and find a happier, fuller reason to enjoy life:

1.  Embrace change.  Change occurs in all of our lives and it is this fact that triggers many incidents of loneliness.  Simple acts of moving to a new city or of changing jobs or life events like a divorce or separation can cause an overwhelming feeling that you have no one at your side but put it this way. 

New cities, environments and status give way to new opportunities you can explore.  Your new home may provide you an opportunity for further study, your new job can be your stepping stone to a better career and your new status may just help you improve yourself better.  The possibilities are endless both ways; it’s just up to you where you want to take them.

2.  Set goals.  There is no way you can reach your destination if you don’t know where you’re going in the first place.  By setting realistic goals, you will recognize which areas of your life need improvement and which ones to prioritize.  Sometimes people isolate themselves by concentrating on too much work. 

If this is your case, set small goals that you can complete.  Focus on areas such as your own wellbeing, your personal, social and professional relationships and your community.  This helps you decide which activities you’ll enjoy more and where you’ll prosper.

3.  Recognize your needs.  Being negligent of one’s needs can cause a feeling of inadequacy.  It also causes a feeling of not doing enough.  Feelings of loneliness are occasionally caused when other’s needs take the forefront, pushing our own to a position of lesser importance. There they can remain stagnant and untended to.  By recognizing your needs, you affirm your own self-esteem and importance. 

4.  Expand your horizon.  Could it be that you feel stifled by your current environment?  Do you need a change of scenery?  Want to extend your circle of friends?  If you feel you’re stuck in a glut and nothing seems to move, it’s probably time to push your bubble further. 

Step out of your comfort zone for a while and explore new things.  Do something you’ve always wanted to do.  Keep putting off that trip to the museum?  Do it now.  Always wanted to sing in a choir?  Why not be a joiner and sign up today?  By putting your focus on exploring new opportunities and relationships, you discover more in terms of social contacts.

6.  Get out and do something.  Treat loneliness as a signal to do something for a change.  Join a club or a group that promotes your favorite activities or volunteer for charity work that you enjoy.  Share your talent with people who are willing to learn.  When you’re preoccupied, you have no time to feel lonely and by doing what you love, you actually get to accomplish something, adding points for a good ego boost. 

7.  Take the initiative.  How many times have we lost an opportunity because we were too preoccupied, shy or negligent to take advantage of it?  Or maybe we waited for it to turn its head and notice us.  Deal with loneliness by taking a step out of the shadows and allowing yourself to make the first move.  Meet new people, go after a new hobby or take a chance to promote yourself.  Remember that many years from now, the one thing you’ll regret is something you didn’t do and not something you did.

8.  Accept the things that you can’t change.  Sound familiar? There will always be things that will remain out of reach from your influence or from your grasp.  Learn to acknowledge these within reason and you’ll feel happier and more satisfied with the way the world is.

9.  Improve your social skills.  Communication is key to human relationships and learning how to effectively harness it can do wonders.  Brush up on small talk, keep abreast of the latest news.  Having something to say lets you penetrate circles you otherwise won’t have access to if you kept your mouth shut.  Learn about etiquette and make a lasting impression on people as a smart, witty and wonderful individual to make friends with.

10.  Be your own best friend.  None of the tips above will help you overcome loneliness if you cannot stand to be on your own.  If you can be alone and  be quite happy and content, then loneliness has no place in your mind.  Learn the art of making friends with yourself and enjoy your time alone. 

Listen to music, read a good inspirational book, take care of a pet or a plant, write in your journal, cook your favorite food – little things like these help you build a feeling of contentment about yourself.  By learning how to look inward and see a beautiful person worth spending time with, you’ll see that there really is no reason to be lonely.

Technorati Tags: depression, lonliness, Self Esteem, self-confidence, self-help

To a large degree the symptoms of codependency are about extremes. People who exhibit codependencies often did not seem to have a moderator, they go full speed ahead, or dead stop. We will discuss five essential symptoms codependent behavior. I first learned of this view of codependence from Pia Mellody in her book Facing Codependence. These 5 symptoms are:

1. Difficulty having appropriate levels of self-esteem.

People in dysfunctional relationships such as dependence have troubles with either very low self-esteem or very high self-esteem. High self-esteem manifests itself through arrogance and a belief that I am superior to everyone else. Low self-esteem comes from the belief that you have less worth than other people your feelings and beliefs don’t count. In either case self-esteem is taught within the family of origin. A newborn baby has neither high self-esteem nor low self-esteem; these attitudes are developed in growing up, usually from modeling family behavior.

2. Inability to set realistic, functioning, boundaries.

Boundaries are something that are taught during childhood. If we came from dysfunctional families or families with poor boundaries it is likely that we will have not have learned to set the boundaries ourselves. Boundaries serve a number of purposes, they can offer protection from other people, from ourselves, and they can define who we are in the world. People with poor boundaries on one extreme confine themselves enmeshed with another person to the point where they’re not taking care of their own needs. These people tend to generate self-esteem from how the important they are in taking care of another. People with the rigid and inflexible boundaries tend to live in isolation behind walls. People with no boundaries, tend to be taken advantage of and victimized.

3. Difficulty knowing who you are.

Co-dependents have difficulty seeing themselves as they really are, both physically and mentally. They often have poor or skewed body image problems. They often have altered interpretations of thoughts and their ability to share them. They often have difficulty identifying, owning, and regulating emotions. Another aspect of this is not knowing of who you really are, living in a fantasy, or making up an alter ego.

4. Having trouble defining needs and wants and meeting them.

It is common for someone to get their wants and needs confused. A codependent person is sometimes able to acknowledge thier needs and wants but they try to meet them by themselves without any help. They may also be aware of needs and wants, and expect people to fill them without having to help themselves. Another area of difficulty is to have needs a wants and simply not be aware of some, thus taking no action to fill them.

5. Difficulty in expressing ourselves moderately and knowing what “normal” is.

A codependent person just doesn’t seem to understand what moderation is. They swing like a pendulum from extreme to extreme, ecstatic or miserable, completely indifferent or completely involved. It seems they do not understand when enough is enough; this is possibly the most outwardly visible sign of co-dependants. Often people have difficulty in understanding what ‘normal’ is because they never had ‘normal’ modeled for them when there were growing up. Growing up in a dysfunctional home one learns how to be dysfunctional. If emotions were not shown, we learn frozen at emotions. If there were no boundaries or restraints, we learned no boundaries or restraints.

In general, exposure to dysfunctional family upbringing, whether alcohol and drugs were used, the physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, were present can produce children who will eventually develop into codependent adults. This is really simplifying codependence, but I hope it gets the general picture across.

More Resources:

Helping Heal Your Relationships

There is hope that recovering codependents can have healthy fulfilling relationships. Once you accept your codependency and start work on your own life and yourself, you can begin building or rebuilding relationships with others. …

Codependency from Both Sides of the Fence

I never thought I had codependency issues, until my own son was having trouble and I was obsessed trying to help solve HIS problems. Obsessed, in that I could not stop thinking, worrying or talking about him. …

You Can Always Tell A Codependent

In 10 years of continuous sobriety I’ve met few recovering alcoholics who weren’t, to some degree or another, also recovering codependents. Especially people who are also Adult Children of Alcoholics (boy, does it come with that …

We hope you enjoyed this post on the symptoms of codependency

Technorati Tags: Codependency, codependency symptoms

It has been a while since I posted an article about fun things to do in recovery, so I put my thinking cap on and came up with yet another silly list of how to have fun in recovery. Don’t be shy leave a comment, and list a few of your favorites. Give me a day and your comments will appear. I had to enable moderation on comments since about 200 illegal drug companies per day are trying sell illegal drugs on my addiction recovery site. Oh well. Without further ado here are some fun things to do while trying to stay sober and sane.

Learn a magic trick
Take care of a plant
Plant a tree
Smile at strangers
Roll down a hill
Learn a magic trick
Make up a riddle
Solve a riddle
Remember a real dumb joke from childhood and tell it to someone
Try to whistle while eating a cracker
Look for animals in the clouds
Run through a sprinkler
Do some somersaults
Watch children play
Watch a little league baseball game
Take a nature walk
Go hunting for the ultimate souvlaki
Try your best at something new
Play a game of miniature golf
Play Frisbee with something that is not a Frisbee
Make sock puppets
Sing a silly song
Cook something brand new
Play marbles
Eat chocolate
Go bowling
Close your eyes and try and figure out what color you are seeing
Try to hypnotize yourself
Make a candle
Take a bubble bath
Spin around until you are dizzy
Call someone in your family that you owe a call to
Make a gratitude list
Eat a pint of Hagen Daas with your finger
Be thankful for the absence of pain

And looking back over my list, I wonder what comments Sigmund Freud would have made. Oh well, I think we could all benefit from being childlike sometimes. Have fun in addiction recovery.

There is a gallery of sober living and life skill information available in the free, 89 page Recovery Rolodex, Click Here

Technorati Tags: fun-things, fun-things-to-do-in-recovery, in-addiction-recovery, recovery, recovery-from-addiction

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.” -Anonymous-

Many people use alcohol or drugs to deaden emotional pain. They work very well at obliterating the capacity to love and be loved. A beauty of being in addiction recovery is regaining emotional insight and honesty.

I found a wonderful resource you might like to check out if you could use a bit of help in the emotions and feelings department, just click here: Emotional Healing

Technorati Tags: emotional-healing, in-addiction-recovery