I was rummaging around used bookstore and discovered an author’s writings I know very well from a completely different feel than the personal development section that I was looking in. The author is Dr Joe Vitale and she wrote a book called “Life’s Missing Instruction Manual”.

I started flipping through it because it is composed of two or three snippets per page which makes it very easy to read, my kind of book. I was absolutely astounded with the earthy, life-changing information provided in a very simple form.

I am at a crossroads in my life and was looking into personal development. The little piece that caught my eye was this:

Achieving Your Goals Is Easy:

How to achieve your goals easily:

1.    You must know what you want.
2.    You must feel it as if it’s already achieved.
3.    You must do the next thing for you achieve it.

It makes perfect sense in an elegantly simple way.

There are some among us who believe that achieving high self-esteem is something unattainable for the common person to achieve. But it is something that all of us can and should have in our lives.

Negative remarks or reactions can easily dent our confidence, despite the fact that we all have something special that others may not have, as well as different personalities from one another that makes us unique. If you know what makes you unique in a good way, then you’re on your way to improving your sense of self-esteem. When a negative influence brings your confidence down, remember your key feature and remind yourself that you are good, better, best.

Sound too simple? Without naming names, let’s take the example of this cookie maker who used this technique. She had practically given up on seeing herself as a productive person. Then one day, she was asked by someone to say something that she felt made her special. After careful thought, the woman answered that she could make one mean chocolate chip cookie. After baking cookies for some neighborhood caterers, she started up her new business which started taking off quickly. As you can imagine, the woman’s self confidence soared right along with her cookie empire.

How you view yourself is paramount in determining what you can achieve, and where your life will take you. It may sound good to be in charge of a major business, but this isn’t exactly for everyone. Your desired outcome may be as simple as being confident enough to deliver a presentation at work without stuttering or spacing out. Or it could be that you simply need to feel comfortable in your own skin, and not inferior to others.

Let us admit that this isn’t the easiest task for everyone. But for those who think this way, they can also do their research and find the right self-help book, CD, video, counseling service, or even old-school cassette tape to help them boost their self-esteem in a major way. If a voice in your head tells you there’s nothing you can do, start talking back. Be confident and refuse to heed that inner calling. Address your self-esteem issues, find the resources you need and begin increasing your confidence today.

Aim higher and you’ll see results. If you start thinking positive now, you’ll be a new, revitalized person in no time. You’ll look in the mirror and see a brand new soul, glowing with self-confidence and ready to take on the world.

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The Unwritten Rules of Life is a wonderful reflection of good old-fashioned common sense. Stepan Stepanian relates the merits of fostering high morals and values with a warm and affectionate tone. It is an excellent source for anyone who desires to be a better person. Parents and children should definitely take note.

Colorful expressions, including “Don’t Hate the Player,” are written with the authority of a college level psychology curriculum. As each rule flows into the next, the reader is inspired to grow as a person. It is clear that Stepan Stepanian is no amateur; he is a professional expert in the arena of life.

Each rule has a common denominator–for each of us to take responsibility for our own actions. This book teaches the art of self-reflection, and to think about how we relate to each other. The good news is that readers are not left to figure out what they should do next. Once the rules of life become clear, the author gently offers guidance through the important process of improvement.

Paragraph after paragraph, the words impart instruction through life’s challenges. From how to handle mistakes to how to treat a lady, The Unwritten Rules of Life is a comprehensive sourcebook for decent living and the importance of fostering true friendships. They are the unwritten rules of life, available for everyone.

The Unwritten Rules of Life gives new meaning to the term “home training.” In today’s society, education can come from anywhere; consequently, each person may have his/her own reasons for beginning this book. In the end, the reader will come away with a new appreciation for the value of respectable behavior in day-to-day life.

The paperback book has 110 pages and retails for $9.99. It can be ordered at Amazon.com, BN.com and almost everywhere books are sold.

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The law of attraction can be used to create any desire but you must remember that you must be in a place of cooperating with the universe. A lot of people focused on visualizing. Well, it can really help but not for the reason that you might think. The process of manifesting was also confusing for a lot of people. These two are very easy to teach however, there is much more to creating than visioning. Here are the three steps to deliberate creation.

First, it will all start when you experience something you do not really want. It is very natural for a person to experience things that they do not want. Most of the time, it occurs more often than the things that you want. When you experience things that you do not want, you will start to think about the things that you want. It is the first step. It will not be hard because it is natural for a person to think about the things that they want when they experience something that they do not want.

Second, you must ask the universe all the things that you want. The work of the universe is to approve all the things that you ask for. It is as simple as ordering a pizza. It will be delivered to you immediately when you ordered. You must have a millionaire mindset and you must make a move like you are attracting abundance to you. Asking for the things that you want is not a big deal. Actually it is very easy. You only need to ask the universe then it will answer to you with a big “Yes”. It is the work of the universe but you must remember that it is not the same as wishing to a genie. The things that you want will not materialize to you when you ask for it.

Third, the last step will be your task. If you will look closely at the two steps, you have not done any kind of work. During the first step, you are only asked to think about the things that you want in your life. It is a natural phenomenon that every person is experiencing. The second step will be the work of the universe. The last step will be your work. All the things that you want will be given to you if you will cooperate with the universe. If you think positive and work to achieve your goals, you will start to obtain all the things that you asked for.

The three steps to deliberate creation are not that hard to follow if you are really serious to achieve all the things that you want and to be successful in life. Deliberate creations simply means that you need to have a positive thinking and millionaire mindset to have the things that you want.

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Managing stress can be hard, especially because it is a huge part of our lives. Still, you can take charge of stress and its bad effects in numerous ways. The key lies in managing your life. Know how to control your thoughts, emotions, your environment, and the way you deal with problems. Once you master this, you can balance things and have a life with enough time for work, relationships, and fun. Here are some easy ways to help you fight stress:

Learn to show your feelings. Many times people hide their problems. Rather than carry the world on your shoulders, be open and express your concerns. If something or someone is bothering you, let people know this in a nice way. This will prevent resentment from building up inside you.

Know the meaning of compromise. If you want someone to change his or her attitude, you should do the same. If you can compromise with another person, your relationship will be less stressful. Realize you can not change someone, so try to focus on changing yourself. You can reduce stress by lowering your expectations and changing your attitude.

Say no if needed. Do not just smile and suffer from the consequences. If problems go your way, eliminate them in the proper way. For instance, if you have an exam coming, inform your chatty friend that you can only see him for a little while since you have to prepare for the exam.

Manage your time. Poor time management can make things awful for you. It is hard to finish things if you are cramming and always late. Fix your schedule by planning ahead so you can remain calm even under pressure. Accept the fact that certain forms of stress can not be prevented or changed such as the death of a loved one, a serious disease, or a bad economy. In these situations, the best you can do is to accept things. Acceptance can be hard at first but it is easier than changing something you can not. One great stress-buster is a soothing dip in your very own spa.

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Is self hypnosis a effective tool? Do you have goals you want reach? Are you interested in improving yourself? Can I really stop those bad habits? To the answers to these and many other self hynosis questions read further.

Self hypnosis is usually thought of as a person listening to an audio program intended to induce a willingness to absorb suggestions centered around a specific topic such as weight loss, stop smoking, etc. Unfortunately, this kind of self hypnosis is generally prepared by someone who has never even met the person being hypnotized.

For example, if you sunburn easily, that last thing you want to hear about is a slow walk on a hot beach. In this case, the “self” in self hypnosis simply means that you listen to it by yourself. How do you incorporate self improvement to hypnosis? To be able to go about self improvement, there are certain aspects in you that should be addressed. Using hypnosis, the negative aspects that are serving as hindrances to improvement must be removed entirely.

To be really effective self hypnosis should necessarily be designed and created by the very person who will ultimately use and benefit from it. Unlike the mass-produced hypnosis, this self hypnosis is made for the exact purpose the person desires, including the exact words and phrases that mean the most to that particular person.

The true self hypnosis is thus crafted by the person to suit his or her own needs. The benefits derived could only be accomplished with such a personal, one-of-a-kind hypnosis. In this case, the “self” in self hypnosis really means what it says.

Below is a short view of the self hypnotic process. Though lots of variations of this method have been used, these are the basic steps you have to go through in order to hypnotize yourself to accomplish self improvement.

1. Position your goals from the most important goal to the less important in that order. If all possible, your goals should be measurable.

2. For each goal, you should formulate fitting suggestions which means you have to convert your goals into specific instructions to your subconscious mind on how to achieve each goal you want to reach.

3. Relax yourself. Use the first few minutes of your self hypnotic session to get as relaxed as possible. Try to forget all your problems.

4. Start your hypnotic initiation phase by saying and repeating out loud the hypnotic words you have chosen, thinking of these words or listening to a hypnotic tape or CD customized for your hypnotic needs.

Before you start up your self hypnotic exercises you should make a time schedule for it. Do your hypnotic sessions every day, five minutes a day is enough. Repeat your suggestions as often as possible during the day. Measure your progress. Are you closer to your goal now than you were before you started? Ask yourself.

If you answer negative to these questions, you must rethink and reorganize your train of thoughts. This is the only way you can find out if this method is really helping you in achieving your self improvement goals. If you want more help. There are good sites out there. You might want to tryamazing hypnosis resources. Self improvement is now within your reach.

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Life as we know it has become incredibly fast paced. People spend their lives rushing from one activity to the next. While some of us try to keep our bodies healthy, we do not always work on the health of our minds. For this reason signing up for a Virtual Life Coaching course may be a very good idea. If we can learn to control our thoughts then we are able to do so much more with our lives.

The training is possible face to face or telephonically. Most often, these session take place once a week. The training works on every part of your life. Any particular area that needs working on can be dealt with, be it business, spirituality, personal growth, health, your career and relationships. This is of immense value for people who demand more out of life.

Working on yourself on a holistic level is something that will stand you in good stead for as long as you live. Although time is hard to find, you will be able to benefit from short lessons on line. They usually last about twenty minutes and will help you achieve whatever goals you set out to achieve.

If you want to lose weight, but your best efforts are not enough, you could try coaching. The key is to feel better from the inside; else, you will be unable to feel better from the outside.

You will discover the right things to motivate you and keep the goals for weight loss on track. This will help you get the results you aim for.

There is not a person on the planet that would not benefit from Virtual Life Coaching. This is on condition that they will follow through with the work that needs to be done on such a course. It could very well be the catalyst to great things in your life.

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The Law of Attraction basically says we can get what we think about. Our circumstances aren’t determined by the fickle hand of fate, but instead are shaped by our own conscious and unconscious thoughts.

To make the Law of Attraction work for you, you have to know what you want and ask for it. Then, go ahead and start making plans for after you receive it. This doesn’t mean ask for money, and then start spending like it’s in your pocket. But make plans for how you’re going to spend the money when it does get here.

The hardest part for most people is to be open to receiving it. This is where doubting you really deserve it can prevent anything good from happening. If you don’t think you deserve good things, they won’t come to you.

Another problem some people have is thinking about the things they don’t want to happen to them. The thought fulfilling universe doesn’t understand the concept of ‘I don’t want’. If you spend your time dwelling on negative things, that’s what you’re going to get.

You may be wrong if you expect The Law of attraction to cure all your problems instantly. But you can make it a habit on continuous and conscious level practice. There is no need for any effort on your part to focus on positive things for it will get established itself. If you are optimistic, your actions and reactions will also be the same. If you try it honestly, you will be satisfied on the results it brings.

Philosophy was created when people began to realize that life meant more than simply survival. This began the formation of both philosophical and religious ideas. This is around the same time when people started to believe that we could control the direction of our lives by using the power of our thoughts. This is a concept that is still attractive to those who believe in it.

As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.’ It’s a phrase straight from the Bible. But, a man’s thought reflecting who he is is a belief that has been instilled in folks through Hinduism, Buddhism, ancient Greek philosophers and contemporary religion and spirituality. It may have been referred to as many different things, but the basic idea remains unchanged. A man’s mind is the most true reflection of his nature. Each generation takes this thought and makes it its own, attempting to breath new life into it and recruit others to do the same.

Positive thinking and Law of Attraction are two most quoted terms of the current and previous century. The fame of both have waxed and waned. ‘The Secret’, a 2006 movie, propelled the term ‘Law of Attraction’ to the world stage once again. Christianity, meanwhile, preaches about it as the ‘power of prayer’ and has not changed the term with changing times.

Regardless of the name, the basic concept is the same. You ask for something, truly believe (have faith) you will get it. And last but not least is belief that you deserve to have it. Whatever you call it, teaching yourself to have positive thoughts and believing you’re deserving of good things can only result in positive gains in your life.

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There are lots of ways you can approach creating abundance in your life. Do you deserve to be happy? Of course you do! However, you may not know how to get the happiness you both want and deserve.

First of all, think of yourself; do you have a positive image of yourself? Or, do you have a negative image? Before creating abundance can become a reality, you have to know that you deserve what you want.

How do your create abundance? Right now, take a few moments to focus on a couple of things you’ve been wanting. Why do you need those things, and how can you get them? Take a couple of moments every day for a few weeks to think about this, and you should see over time that you’ll ultimately become convinced that you both want and need these things, and that you deserve them. You’ll know you deserve them, because they’ve been a central focus during this time.

Creating abundance requires that you are goal oriented and ambitious. You should go after what you want, certainly, and you should feel inspired to do so.

If you know that what you want is something you deserve, it will come to be yours in one way or another. It may not happen overnight, but because you are driven toward the passion for what you deserve, you will unconsciously obtain it.

When it comes to creating abundance, your thoughts and actions matter. Your dreams and desires begin with your thoughts. Now, it’s up to you to take those thoughts and turn them into action. However, creating abundance should never feel like work.

A lot of the reason why people never achieve their goals in life as well as never have the things they want is because they believe that there is no way of getting them. They lack faith in themselves and therefore lack the ability to make big things happen.

How do you want your life to be? Focusing on material things is okay, but you also need to focus on your mental and emotional well-being. Think “peace.” At the same time as you become more mentally and emotionally peaceful, become more determined and more ambitious, too. These qualities will give you the ability to keep pushing on until you get what you want, desire, and need. Know that you have no limitations except for those you set yourself. Creating abundance really is that easy.

You can prevent achieving your goals and building the life you want by listening to all of the negative things you hear. If you have negative people in your life, simply look over them or enlighten them with the concept of allowing happiness to flow freely.

Your mind is what determines all of your actions. If you are convinced that you will never be happy, own that big home, or nice car, then you will unconsciously do things that continue to prevent you from creating abundance.

By contrast, if you believe you deserve those things you really want, AND you really want them, rest assured that you will get them. You may not know just yet how you will get them, but you will, and it won’t be hard.

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If we don’t try to improve ourselves then we would stay the same and never get any better at anything. So self improvement is something we should all want to do. Whenever we do something and want to get better at it this is called self improvement.

In the rest of this post I’m going to expose a few tips that you can use for self improvement and make yourself a bit of a better person. One of the most important things when it comes to being a good person is to not put things off and procrastinate. Getting your tasks done feels great and will make you a better person.

You will find that you get so much more done in your life and your life will be a lot better if you make sure you do not procrastinate and get all your tasks done.

Doing something that scares you every day is a fantastic way to make you a stronger person and improve yourself. By this I do not mean to something dangerous like fight a lion.

What I mean by facing your little fears is for example if you are afraid to talk to new people then make a conscious effort to talk to a stranger. You will find that after a while your fear will be gone and you’ll be a strong person for it.

Learning a new language is a great thing you can do to improve yourself. Learning a new language may seem hard or scary at first but believe me it’s a great feeling when you can go to a different country and speak to the locals in their language.

One of the best things you can do to improve yourself as a person is to be more generous. The more generous you are to other people the more generous they will be to you.

A great way to be more generous is to just help people with small tasks and just be friendly to them. It doesn’t have to be about money.

Lots of people forget that we only live once. So it’s important to have as much fun as possible in your life. Spend more time with your friends and family and have fun with them.

So if you want to improve yourself as a person then remember these tips.

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It’s really important that you set goals if you want to achieve things in your life. It’s about thinking about your ideal future and motivating yourself to turn your ideal future into a reality. By setting goals you break down what you want to achieve into chunks and work towards them one by one until you reach them.

In the rest of this article I’m going to share a few tips that will help you set some goals. It’s really important when you said goals that you be specific in what you want. Write down exactly what your goal is and what date you want to achieve it by.

An example of a specific goal is that you may want to lose 10lbs of fat in the next month. The second tip I can give you is to break bigger goals down into several smaller ones. That way it makes the bigger goals more manageable. You will find it helpful to list your goals in order of importance. That way the most important goals get done first which is a good thing.

You will find it really helpful after you’ve written your goals down to print them out and put them in places that you go to a lot. For example putting them on your fridge will be helpful. Lots of people just try to remember their goals and ahead but it’s much better to print them out. It’s really important when it comes to setting goals that you set realistic ones. You should always aim high but don’t set ones that you know will be impossible.

So remember to set realistic goals.

Setting daily goals is also very important. Completing daily goals will train you in completing longer term goals. It may interest you to know that a lot of people even set lifetime goals. Obviously lifetime goals may change as you get older however it’s still best to set them because they’re usually big and motivate you to do big things. So in the future remember these tips when you’re setting some goals for yourself.

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Entering and Maintaining Recovery is the fourth and final entry in this series, The 4 Phases of Drug Addiction and Alcoholism Treatment.

Entering and Maintaining Recovery:

At this point, one has worked toward maintaining abstinence, achieved a length of time of abstinence, and a stable. Sometimes this final phase of recovery is called “maintenance” or “stability” phase of drug and alcohol addiction recovery.

In this, the final phase of addiction recovery one moves toward personal growth and discovery. Having learned some skills to handle life on life’s terms, the good and the bad and not turning back to drugs and alcohol for solutions, we move toward personal growth and success. This does not mean that a person can coast along there is work to be done.

What we are aiming for in this phase of recovery is to be living a life completely based on principles, not on ‘fixing’ uncomfortable emotions. For example, sometimes is very difficult or uncomfortable to tell the truth even when we know it is the right thing to do in principle. If one is living a life based on principles decision will be made to be honest, suffer the unpleasant feeling of the moment, and noted in principle they are doing the right thing. In addiction, the easier solution is to lie about it and not suffer the uncomfortably of the present moment by sacrificing long-term principle of honesty.

Here are some tasks it may be appropriate to take on:

1. Taking personality issues examining their source, their function and usefulness and, perhaps changing them.

2. Figuring out behaviors that are sabotage life and changing them, coming up with alternatives.

3. Dealing with family of origin issues and dysfunctional behaviors learned as a child that appear in adulthood.

4. Spiritual or purpose of life questions. What is your purpose in life, what is it that makes you truly happy? What is your degree of connection to people, the world around you, and to a Higher Power

You may not find the answers to roll these questions, but the process is all about steering some education of trying to find the answers. I strongly suggest that you address purpose of life questions if you  haven’t looked at it them before. I’ve known many people with 10, 20 and more of sobriety reach a point where they ask themselves “Is this all there is? I might be better off drinking or drugging.” An attitude such as this is a direct result of not achieving peace and happiness in recovery. Paying attention to long-term goals even after you have made mastered the basics is the key to success in this phase.
We hope you enjoyed this series on the phases of drug and alcohol addiction recovery, please leave a comment and tell us what you think.

For the complete series Click Below:

Part 1. – Beginning Addiction Treatment
Part 2. – Learning abstinence.
Part 3. – Maintaining abstinence.
Part 4. – Entering and maintaining recovery.

We are all aware that we have a subconscious mind. Many of us will even place the blame of our activities on the subconscious. How many of us though realize the power of the subconscious mind? It is one of our most powerful tools, and it can either be our best friend or our worse enemy. The subconscious mind ultimately controls the life you live. What exactly is the subconscious mind and why should we pay attention to what it is thinking?

Despite the best efforts of some professionals, we all acknowledge the subconscious mind. It is the mind within the mind. It is the control board that directs our actions and our thoughts. It is the voice in your head that you hear when you are faced with a difficult or challenging situation. The script that our subconscious speaks to us is as unique as each individual in the world. Your subconscious mind is not the same as mine. Even if we were raised in the same house, under the same circumstances with the same parents. Your inner voice is just that, it is yours.

We all know the voice of our inner mind. There may have been times when you were trying to risk everything for a whim and it helped you to realize the truth. There may have been times it may have prompted you to take a decision which may have proved beneficial in the long run. However, there are times when the inner voice tells you that you are not good enough, beautiful enough or even don’t have a good enough figure. Actually subconscious is nothing but you deepest beliefs and thoughts which reside deep inside.

If those deep thoughts you have about yourself are negative then chances are better than not that you are not going to have the type of life that you want. The good news is that you can change the way you think about yourself. You can change the way the things that the subconscious mind says to start living the life you really want.

You can change your deepest thoughts by affirmations. These are nothing but positive beliefs that are constantly repeated by you through out the day. These are better than the more expensive subliminal messaging scripts. All you need is to know is the thing you want to change about yourself, choose the appropriate affirmations and repeat them till they become a reality.

Lets assume that its weight loss that you are looking for. So, you need to repeat the affirmation that you are your ideal weight instead of thinking about how fat or ugly you are. Write it down, record it, play this affirmation till it becomes ingrained in your psyche and subconscious. Many people even use their affirmations as screen savers and tape it to their mirror. Here you need to repeat it so many times that your subconscious mind accepts it as the truth and starts working accordingly.

With this example, you will start to notice that you will become your ideal weight. If you use affirmations to increase money, you will in fact have more money. You can apply this to anything in your life. It is possible. Perhaps you don’t believe me.

Here is an example of how your mind impacts your life, without you even realizing it on any given day. Let’s say that you wake up late one day. You say or think, ‘It’s going to be one of those days.’ You take a shower and find you are out of soap; you get dressed and spill coffee down your shirt on the way to the office. Again, you think ‘Yep, it is definitely going to be one of those days.’ You get to work and you are faced with one obstacle after another again, you are thinking that this is one of those days and you even go as far as to think that it can’t get any worse and it does.

Skeptics may call it a coincidence but truly speaking coincidences are nothing but misnomers. Every thing that happens to us is attracted to us by out thoughts and subconscious mind which just manifests things which we think about.

People have realized the true power of subconscious mind with the help of books and movies like ‘The Secret’. The ‘law of attraction’ is now a familiar term with every one. It simply means that your life is nothing but a reality created by your own subconscious beliefs.

Science especially quantum physics has now provided a solid basis for this fact since through experiments and studies it’s been proved that matter and the mind of the observer are linked with some intricate links. This is something the ancients religions have also been saying for thousands of years.

Hence if our subconscious mind creates our reality then we can change this reality with practice. People who have manifested their dreams of wealth through history have only been able to achieve it through a rock solid belief and positive visualization.

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Good communication is probably the cornerstone of every kind of human relationship and it can be a very powerful tool sometimes. A great example for this is with conversational hypnosis. Conversational hypnosis is basically the alteration of one’s initial perception in order to lead to the solution of an outstanding problem like a fear.

This will have to be done through the interaction of the hypnotist and the patient.

A session of conversational hypnosis usually starts with a stage called the affinity. Hypnosis only works if there is rapport that exists between the hypnotist and the patient.

This is all aimed at establishing a kind of rapport.

Let’s take into consideration the kind of conversational hypnosis which is most likely to happen in the case of a person with a fear of crowds. The patient will nonetheless say that his situation is very difficult. What the hypnotist should say in return is to assure the patient he does understand his situation.

After the hypnotist has established rapport with the patient, they can now delve deeper into the process of conversational hypnosis through distraction.

This is done so that the patient can let go of his problem for a minute and unwittingly explore the idea of different solutions.

To follow through with the example I made before, in order for the hypnotist to distract the patient, he can ask something along the lines of “what do you think it would be like if you lived all alone on this planet?”

The question does not have to literally make sense as long as it is effective in distracting the patient.

The final step is the proposition. Once the hypnotist successfully leads the patient to think of something else, then the hypnotist can introduce different suggestions to finally solve the problem.

The hypnotist can include different suggestions such as saying that “life would be better if he talked to people once in awhile”.

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When actively using, you may have gotten used to loneliness or being isolated. It may be difficult to get back into circulation.

Making Friends in Addiction Recovery

Making new friends can be exciting or intimidating, depending on your personality and your circumstances, but ultimately it is rewarding. To meet new people who might become your friends, you have to go to places where others are gathered. The hardest thing about going out and doing anything in the community is doing it for the first time. It’s hard for everyone. Push through those hard feelings and go. Most of the time, you will be glad you did.

Don’t limit yourself to one idea or strategy for meeting people. The broader your effort, the greater your likelihood of success. Try several of these ideas:

• Attend a support group, such as a 12 step group. Support groups are a great way to make new friends. It could be a group for people who have similar health issues or life challenges, or a group for people of the same age or sex.
• Go to community activities like sporting events, theatrical productions, concerts, art shows, poetry readings, book signings, civic groups, special interest groups, and political meetings. Take a course or join a church. Let yourself be seen and known in the community. If money is a problem, consider going to your local library and looking in the newspaper for listings of free events. Spend time in places that are free, like a local bookstore with couches where you can sit and read for a while. You will have a feeling of connection even without any dialogue with others.
• Volunteer. Strong connections often are formed when people work together on projects of mutual concern. When volunteering, you are already with a group of people with a common interest. You could help out at a soup kitchen, read to children in day care, visit people in nursing homes, deliver flowers in the hospital, or serve on a political or social action committee. You could bring snacks for the other volunteers and arrange a time to get together and eat with them for more social contact.

Some people use chat groups and other connections on the Internet as a way to make friends and to relieve loneliness. While this can be a good short-term way to connect with others, avoid sharing personal information and your phone and address with people you do not know well or whom you have not met in person.

Reaching out to establish a friendship sometimes happens simply and casually. At other times, it takes special effort. If you feel you need and want to take some action so a person you have met becomes a friend, you could —

• ask the person to join you at a cafe for coffee or lunch, to go for a walk, or to engage in some other activity with you
• call the person on the phone to share a piece of good news you think they might be interested in
• send a short, friendly e-mail and see if they respond
• chat with them about something of interest to both of you
• offer to help the person with a particular task if you think it would be appreciated

Even window-shopping with another person can be good, especially if there is a theme, even humorous, like “I’m going to find something in the window I could wear to a Halloween party.” A woman in the focus group said she went window-shopping with a friend. They tried on lots of clothes that they’d buy if they had the money, and it was great fun.

Test the waters by proceeding slowly. The addictive mind tends to be all or nothing, hot or cold, black and white. As you both enjoy each other more, the friendship deepens. Notice how you feel about yourself when you are with the other person. If you feel good about yourself, you may be on the road to a fulfilling friendship.

If you have never had a close friend, you may have a hard time knowing when to take action that will allow the friendship to deepen. A friendship may be starting to get closer if you are feeling more comfortable with that person, you feel content and at ease when the two of you are together, and you feel disappointed when you and the other person can’t get together, but you don’t “fall apart.” You can be aware of how the other person is feeling when they are with you by listening closely to what they are saying, by noticing their body language and responses, and by asking them.

Don’t overwhelm the person with phone calls or other kinds of contact. Use your intuition and common sense to determine when to call and how often. Don’t ever call late at night or early in the morning until you both have agreed to be available to each other in emergencies (for example, one of you is sick or has gotten some very bad news).