Is self hypnosis a effective tool? Do you have goals you want reach? Are you interested in improving yourself? Can I really stop those bad habits? To the answers to these and many other self hynosis questions read further.

Self hypnosis is usually thought of as a person listening to an audio program intended to induce a willingness to absorb suggestions centered around a specific topic such as weight loss, stop smoking, etc. Unfortunately, this kind of self hypnosis is generally prepared by someone who has never even met the person being hypnotized.

For example, if you sunburn easily, that last thing you want to hear about is a slow walk on a hot beach. In this case, the “self” in self hypnosis simply means that you listen to it by yourself. How do you incorporate self improvement to hypnosis? To be able to go about self improvement, there are certain aspects in you that should be addressed. Using hypnosis, the negative aspects that are serving as hindrances to improvement must be removed entirely.

To be really effective self hypnosis should necessarily be designed and created by the very person who will ultimately use and benefit from it. Unlike the mass-produced hypnosis, this self hypnosis is made for the exact purpose the person desires, including the exact words and phrases that mean the most to that particular person.

The true self hypnosis is thus crafted by the person to suit his or her own needs. The benefits derived could only be accomplished with such a personal, one-of-a-kind hypnosis. In this case, the “self” in self hypnosis really means what it says.

Below is a short view of the self hypnotic process. Though lots of variations of this method have been used, these are the basic steps you have to go through in order to hypnotize yourself to accomplish self improvement.

1. Position your goals from the most important goal to the less important in that order. If all possible, your goals should be measurable.

2. For each goal, you should formulate fitting suggestions which means you have to convert your goals into specific instructions to your subconscious mind on how to achieve each goal you want to reach.

3. Relax yourself. Use the first few minutes of your self hypnotic session to get as relaxed as possible. Try to forget all your problems.

4. Start your hypnotic initiation phase by saying and repeating out loud the hypnotic words you have chosen, thinking of these words or listening to a hypnotic tape or CD customized for your hypnotic needs.

Before you start up your self hypnotic exercises you should make a time schedule for it. Do your hypnotic sessions every day, five minutes a day is enough. Repeat your suggestions as often as possible during the day. Measure your progress. Are you closer to your goal now than you were before you started? Ask yourself.

If you answer negative to these questions, you must rethink and reorganize your train of thoughts. This is the only way you can find out if this method is really helping you in achieving your self improvement goals. If you want more help. There are good sites out there. You might want to tryamazing hypnosis resources. Self improvement is now within your reach.

Todd Schuyler writes about topics that will motivate you to reach your goals. Do you want to use the power of self hypnosis to stop bad habits or self improvement? You need to visit self hypnosis success secrets to learn how to self hypnotize effectively.

Technorati Tags: hypnosis, hypnotize, Positive Attitude, Self-Improvement, stop bad habits, stop-smoking

Life as we know it has become incredibly fast paced. People spend their lives rushing from one activity to the next. While some of us try to keep our bodies healthy, we do not always work on the health of our minds. For this reason signing up for a Virtual Life Coaching course may be a very good idea. If we can learn to control our thoughts then we are able to do so much more with our lives.

The training is possible face to face or telephonically. Most often, these session take place once a week. The training works on every part of your life. Any particular area that needs working on can be dealt with, be it business, spirituality, personal growth, health, your career and relationships. This is of immense value for people who demand more out of life.

Working on yourself on a holistic level is something that will stand you in good stead for as long as you live. Although time is hard to find, you will be able to benefit from short lessons on line. They usually last about twenty minutes and will help you achieve whatever goals you set out to achieve.

If you want to lose weight, but your best efforts are not enough, you could try coaching. The key is to feel better from the inside; else, you will be unable to feel better from the outside.

You will discover the right things to motivate you and keep the goals for weight loss on track. This will help you get the results you aim for.

There is not a person on the planet that would not benefit from Virtual Life Coaching. This is on condition that they will follow through with the work that needs to be done on such a course. It could very well be the catalyst to great things in your life.

Improve your personal satisfaction with all aspects of your social and professional life by working with a personal trainer for Virtual Life Coaching. Learn more about what you can accomplish by visiting the site at http://www.allaboutnowllc.com .

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Technorati Tags: Self-Improvement, Virtual Life, Virtual Life Coaching

The Law of Attraction basically says we can get what we think about. Our circumstances aren’t determined by the fickle hand of fate, but instead are shaped by our own conscious and unconscious thoughts.

To make the Law of Attraction work for you, you have to know what you want and ask for it. Then, go ahead and start making plans for after you receive it. This doesn’t mean ask for money, and then start spending like it’s in your pocket. But make plans for how you’re going to spend the money when it does get here.

The hardest part for most people is to be open to receiving it. This is where doubting you really deserve it can prevent anything good from happening. If you don’t think you deserve good things, they won’t come to you.

Another problem some people have is thinking about the things they don’t want to happen to them. The thought fulfilling universe doesn’t understand the concept of ‘I don’t want’. If you spend your time dwelling on negative things, that’s what you’re going to get.

You may be wrong if you expect The Law of attraction to cure all your problems instantly. But you can make it a habit on continuous and conscious level practice. There is no need for any effort on your part to focus on positive things for it will get established itself. If you are optimistic, your actions and reactions will also be the same. If you try it honestly, you will be satisfied on the results it brings.

Philosophy was created when people began to realize that life meant more than simply survival. This began the formation of both philosophical and religious ideas. This is around the same time when people started to believe that we could control the direction of our lives by using the power of our thoughts. This is a concept that is still attractive to those who believe in it.

As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.’ It’s a phrase straight from the Bible. But, a man’s thought reflecting who he is is a belief that has been instilled in folks through Hinduism, Buddhism, ancient Greek philosophers and contemporary religion and spirituality. It may have been referred to as many different things, but the basic idea remains unchanged. A man’s mind is the most true reflection of his nature. Each generation takes this thought and makes it its own, attempting to breath new life into it and recruit others to do the same.

Positive thinking and Law of Attraction are two most quoted terms of the current and previous century. The fame of both have waxed and waned. ‘The Secret’, a 2006 movie, propelled the term ‘Law of Attraction’ to the world stage once again. Christianity, meanwhile, preaches about it as the ‘power of prayer’ and has not changed the term with changing times.

Regardless of the name, the basic concept is the same. You ask for something, truly believe (have faith) you will get it. And last but not least is belief that you deserve to have it. Whatever you call it, teaching yourself to have positive thoughts and believing you’re deserving of good things can only result in positive gains in your life.

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Technorati Tags: mind, self-help, Self-Improvement

There are lots of ways you can approach creating abundance in your life. Do you deserve to be happy? Of course you do! However, you may not know how to get the happiness you both want and deserve.

First of all, think of yourself; do you have a positive image of yourself? Or, do you have a negative image? Before creating abundance can become a reality, you have to know that you deserve what you want.

How do your create abundance? Right now, take a few moments to focus on a couple of things you’ve been wanting. Why do you need those things, and how can you get them? Take a couple of moments every day for a few weeks to think about this, and you should see over time that you’ll ultimately become convinced that you both want and need these things, and that you deserve them. You’ll know you deserve them, because they’ve been a central focus during this time.

Creating abundance requires that you are goal oriented and ambitious. You should go after what you want, certainly, and you should feel inspired to do so.

If you know that what you want is something you deserve, it will come to be yours in one way or another. It may not happen overnight, but because you are driven toward the passion for what you deserve, you will unconsciously obtain it.

When it comes to creating abundance, your thoughts and actions matter. Your dreams and desires begin with your thoughts. Now, it’s up to you to take those thoughts and turn them into action. However, creating abundance should never feel like work.

A lot of the reason why people never achieve their goals in life as well as never have the things they want is because they believe that there is no way of getting them. They lack faith in themselves and therefore lack the ability to make big things happen.

How do you want your life to be? Focusing on material things is okay, but you also need to focus on your mental and emotional well-being. Think “peace.” At the same time as you become more mentally and emotionally peaceful, become more determined and more ambitious, too. These qualities will give you the ability to keep pushing on until you get what you want, desire, and need. Know that you have no limitations except for those you set yourself. Creating abundance really is that easy.

You can prevent achieving your goals and building the life you want by listening to all of the negative things you hear. If you have negative people in your life, simply look over them or enlighten them with the concept of allowing happiness to flow freely.

Your mind is what determines all of your actions. If you are convinced that you will never be happy, own that big home, or nice car, then you will unconsciously do things that continue to prevent you from creating abundance.

By contrast, if you believe you deserve those things you really want, AND you really want them, rest assured that you will get them. You may not know just yet how you will get them, but you will, and it won’t be hard.

The author Derek Davies is one of the writers for the popular http://www.abundance-info.com website. Discover how easy it really is to be successful at manifestation when you visit this site. Change your life forever with a huge FREE collection of Creating Abundance binaural beats, hypnosis and affirmations Audios, Ebooks and Videos.

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If we don’t try to improve ourselves then we would stay the same and never get any better at anything. So self improvement is something we should all want to do. Whenever we do something and want to get better at it this is called self improvement.

In the rest of this post I’m going to expose a few tips that you can use for self improvement and make yourself a bit of a better person. One of the most important things when it comes to being a good person is to not put things off and procrastinate. Getting your tasks done feels great and will make you a better person.

You will find that you get so much more done in your life and your life will be a lot better if you make sure you do not procrastinate and get all your tasks done.

Doing something that scares you every day is a fantastic way to make you a stronger person and improve yourself. By this I do not mean to something dangerous like fight a lion.

What I mean by facing your little fears is for example if you are afraid to talk to new people then make a conscious effort to talk to a stranger. You will find that after a while your fear will be gone and you’ll be a strong person for it.

Learning a new language is a great thing you can do to improve yourself. Learning a new language may seem hard or scary at first but believe me it’s a great feeling when you can go to a different country and speak to the locals in their language.

One of the best things you can do to improve yourself as a person is to be more generous. The more generous you are to other people the more generous they will be to you.

A great way to be more generous is to just help people with small tasks and just be friendly to them. It doesn’t have to be about money.

Lots of people forget that we only live once. So it’s important to have as much fun as possible in your life. Spend more time with your friends and family and have fun with them.

So if you want to improve yourself as a person then remember these tips.

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Technorati Tags: self-help, Self-Improvement

It’s really important that you set goals if you want to achieve things in your life. It’s about thinking about your ideal future and motivating yourself to turn your ideal future into a reality. By setting goals you break down what you want to achieve into chunks and work towards them one by one until you reach them.

In the rest of this article I’m going to share a few tips that will help you set some goals. It’s really important when you said goals that you be specific in what you want. Write down exactly what your goal is and what date you want to achieve it by.

An example of a specific goal is that you may want to lose 10lbs of fat in the next month. The second tip I can give you is to break bigger goals down into several smaller ones. That way it makes the bigger goals more manageable. You will find it helpful to list your goals in order of importance. That way the most important goals get done first which is a good thing.

You will find it really helpful after you’ve written your goals down to print them out and put them in places that you go to a lot. For example putting them on your fridge will be helpful. Lots of people just try to remember their goals and ahead but it’s much better to print them out. It’s really important when it comes to setting goals that you set realistic ones. You should always aim high but don’t set ones that you know will be impossible.

So remember to set realistic goals.

Setting daily goals is also very important. Completing daily goals will train you in completing longer term goals. It may interest you to know that a lot of people even set lifetime goals. Obviously lifetime goals may change as you get older however it’s still best to set them because they’re usually big and motivate you to do big things. So in the future remember these tips when you’re setting some goals for yourself.

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Technorati Tags: goal-setting, goals, Self-Improvement, setting goals

Entering and Maintaining Recovery is the fourth and final entry in this series, The 4 Phases of Drug Addiction and Alcoholism Treatment.

Entering and Maintaining Recovery:

At this point, one has worked toward maintaining abstinence, achieved a length of time of abstinence, and a stable. Sometimes this final phase of recovery is called “maintenance” or “stability” phase of drug and alcohol addiction recovery.

In this, the final phase of addiction recovery one moves toward personal growth and discovery. Having learned some skills to handle life on life’s terms, the good and the bad and not turning back to drugs and alcohol for solutions, we move toward personal growth and success. This does not mean that a person can coast along there is work to be done.

What we are aiming for in this phase of recovery is to be living a life completely based on principles, not on ‘fixing’ uncomfortable emotions. For example, sometimes is very difficult or uncomfortable to tell the truth even when we know it is the right thing to do in principle. If one is living a life based on principles decision will be made to be honest, suffer the unpleasant feeling of the moment, and noted in principle they are doing the right thing. In addiction, the easier solution is to lie about it and not suffer the uncomfortably of the present moment by sacrificing long-term principle of honesty.

Here are some tasks it may be appropriate to take on:

1. Taking personality issues examining their source, their function and usefulness and, perhaps changing them.

2. Figuring out behaviors that are sabotage life and changing them, coming up with alternatives.

3. Dealing with family of origin issues and dysfunctional behaviors learned as a child that appear in adulthood.

4. Spiritual or purpose of life questions. What is your purpose in life, what is it that makes you truly happy? What is your degree of connection to people, the world around you, and to a Higher Power

You may not find the answers to roll these questions, but the process is all about steering some education of trying to find the answers. I strongly suggest that you address purpose of life questions if you  haven’t looked at it them before. I’ve known many people with 10, 20 and more of sobriety reach a point where they ask themselves “Is this all there is? I might be better off drinking or drugging.” An attitude such as this is a direct result of not achieving peace and happiness in recovery. Paying attention to long-term goals even after you have made mastered the basics is the key to success in this phase.
We hope you enjoyed this series on the phases of drug and alcohol addiction recovery, please leave a comment and tell us what you think.

For the complete series Click Below:

Part 1. – Beginning Addiction Treatment
Part 2. – Learning abstinence.
Part 3. – Maintaining abstinence.
Part 4. – Entering and maintaining recovery.

Technorati Tags: Addiction, Addiction Recovery, Addiction-Treatment, phases-of-recovery

We are all aware that we have a subconscious mind. Many of us will even place the blame of our activities on the subconscious. How many of us though realize the power of the subconscious mind? It is one of our most powerful tools, and it can either be our best friend or our worse enemy. The subconscious mind ultimately controls the life you live. What exactly is the subconscious mind and why should we pay attention to what it is thinking?

Despite the best efforts of some professionals, we all acknowledge the subconscious mind. It is the mind within the mind. It is the control board that directs our actions and our thoughts. It is the voice in your head that you hear when you are faced with a difficult or challenging situation. The script that our subconscious speaks to us is as unique as each individual in the world. Your subconscious mind is not the same as mine. Even if we were raised in the same house, under the same circumstances with the same parents. Your inner voice is just that, it is yours.

We all know the voice of our inner mind. There may have been times when you were trying to risk everything for a whim and it helped you to realize the truth. There may have been times it may have prompted you to take a decision which may have proved beneficial in the long run. However, there are times when the inner voice tells you that you are not good enough, beautiful enough or even don’t have a good enough figure. Actually subconscious is nothing but you deepest beliefs and thoughts which reside deep inside.

If those deep thoughts you have about yourself are negative then chances are better than not that you are not going to have the type of life that you want. The good news is that you can change the way you think about yourself. You can change the way the things that the subconscious mind says to start living the life you really want.

You can change your deepest thoughts by affirmations. These are nothing but positive beliefs that are constantly repeated by you through out the day. These are better than the more expensive subliminal messaging scripts. All you need is to know is the thing you want to change about yourself, choose the appropriate affirmations and repeat them till they become a reality.

Lets assume that its weight loss that you are looking for. So, you need to repeat the affirmation that you are your ideal weight instead of thinking about how fat or ugly you are. Write it down, record it, play this affirmation till it becomes ingrained in your psyche and subconscious. Many people even use their affirmations as screen savers and tape it to their mirror. Here you need to repeat it so many times that your subconscious mind accepts it as the truth and starts working accordingly.

With this example, you will start to notice that you will become your ideal weight. If you use affirmations to increase money, you will in fact have more money. You can apply this to anything in your life. It is possible. Perhaps you don’t believe me.

Here is an example of how your mind impacts your life, without you even realizing it on any given day. Let’s say that you wake up late one day. You say or think, ‘It’s going to be one of those days.’ You take a shower and find you are out of soap; you get dressed and spill coffee down your shirt on the way to the office. Again, you think ‘Yep, it is definitely going to be one of those days.’ You get to work and you are faced with one obstacle after another again, you are thinking that this is one of those days and you even go as far as to think that it can’t get any worse and it does.

Skeptics may call it a coincidence but truly speaking coincidences are nothing but misnomers. Every thing that happens to us is attracted to us by out thoughts and subconscious mind which just manifests things which we think about.

People have realized the true power of subconscious mind with the help of books and movies like ‘The Secret’. The ‘law of attraction’ is now a familiar term with every one. It simply means that your life is nothing but a reality created by your own subconscious beliefs.

Science especially quantum physics has now provided a solid basis for this fact since through experiments and studies it’s been proved that matter and the mind of the observer are linked with some intricate links. This is something the ancients religions have also been saying for thousands of years.

Hence if our subconscious mind creates our reality then we can change this reality with practice. People who have manifested their dreams of wealth through history have only been able to achieve it through a rock solid belief and positive visualization.

The author Elliot Cox writes for the popular http://www.mindpower-info.com site. You can enjoy the incredible experience of subconscious mind for yourself and find out the real undisclosed secrets of subconscious mind when you visit here and get 29 Free mp3 audio recordings.

Technorati Tags: Law of Attraction, mind power, mindpower, power of mind, power of subconscious mind, Self-Improvement, subconscious mind

Good communication is probably the cornerstone of every kind of human relationship and it can be a very powerful tool sometimes. A great example for this is with conversational hypnosis. Conversational hypnosis is basically the alteration of one’s initial perception in order to lead to the solution of an outstanding problem like a fear.

This will have to be done through the interaction of the hypnotist and the patient.

A session of conversational hypnosis usually starts with a stage called the affinity. Hypnosis only works if there is rapport that exists between the hypnotist and the patient.

This is all aimed at establishing a kind of rapport.

Let’s take into consideration the kind of conversational hypnosis which is most likely to happen in the case of a person with a fear of crowds. The patient will nonetheless say that his situation is very difficult. What the hypnotist should say in return is to assure the patient he does understand his situation.

After the hypnotist has established rapport with the patient, they can now delve deeper into the process of conversational hypnosis through distraction.

This is done so that the patient can let go of his problem for a minute and unwittingly explore the idea of different solutions.

To follow through with the example I made before, in order for the hypnotist to distract the patient, he can ask something along the lines of “what do you think it would be like if you lived all alone on this planet?”

The question does not have to literally make sense as long as it is effective in distracting the patient.

The final step is the proposition. Once the hypnotist successfully leads the patient to think of something else, then the hypnotist can introduce different suggestions to finally solve the problem.

The hypnotist can include different suggestions such as saying that “life would be better if he talked to people once in awhile”.

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Technorati Tags: conversational hypnosis, hypnosis, hypnotise, Self-Improvement

When actively using, you may have gotten used to loneliness or being isolated. It may be difficult to get back into circulation.

Making Friends in Addiction Recovery

Making new friends can be exciting or intimidating, depending on your personality and your circumstances, but ultimately it is rewarding. To meet new people who might become your friends, you have to go to places where others are gathered. The hardest thing about going out and doing anything in the community is doing it for the first time. It’s hard for everyone. Push through those hard feelings and go. Most of the time, you will be glad you did.

Don’t limit yourself to one idea or strategy for meeting people. The broader your effort, the greater your likelihood of success. Try several of these ideas:

• Attend a support group, such as a 12 step group. Support groups are a great way to make new friends. It could be a group for people who have similar health issues or life challenges, or a group for people of the same age or sex.
• Go to community activities like sporting events, theatrical productions, concerts, art shows, poetry readings, book signings, civic groups, special interest groups, and political meetings. Take a course or join a church. Let yourself be seen and known in the community. If money is a problem, consider going to your local library and looking in the newspaper for listings of free events. Spend time in places that are free, like a local bookstore with couches where you can sit and read for a while. You will have a feeling of connection even without any dialogue with others.
• Volunteer. Strong connections often are formed when people work together on projects of mutual concern. When volunteering, you are already with a group of people with a common interest. You could help out at a soup kitchen, read to children in day care, visit people in nursing homes, deliver flowers in the hospital, or serve on a political or social action committee. You could bring snacks for the other volunteers and arrange a time to get together and eat with them for more social contact.

Some people use chat groups and other connections on the Internet as a way to make friends and to relieve loneliness. While this can be a good short-term way to connect with others, avoid sharing personal information and your phone and address with people you do not know well or whom you have not met in person.

Reaching out to establish a friendship sometimes happens simply and casually. At other times, it takes special effort. If you feel you need and want to take some action so a person you have met becomes a friend, you could —

• ask the person to join you at a cafe for coffee or lunch, to go for a walk, or to engage in some other activity with you
• call the person on the phone to share a piece of good news you think they might be interested in
• send a short, friendly e-mail and see if they respond
• chat with them about something of interest to both of you
• offer to help the person with a particular task if you think it would be appreciated

Even window-shopping with another person can be good, especially if there is a theme, even humorous, like “I’m going to find something in the window I could wear to a Halloween party.” A woman in the focus group said she went window-shopping with a friend. They tried on lots of clothes that they’d buy if they had the money, and it was great fun.

Test the waters by proceeding slowly. The addictive mind tends to be all or nothing, hot or cold, black and white. As you both enjoy each other more, the friendship deepens. Notice how you feel about yourself when you are with the other person. If you feel good about yourself, you may be on the road to a fulfilling friendship.

If you have never had a close friend, you may have a hard time knowing when to take action that will allow the friendship to deepen. A friendship may be starting to get closer if you are feeling more comfortable with that person, you feel content and at ease when the two of you are together, and you feel disappointed when you and the other person can’t get together, but you don’t “fall apart.” You can be aware of how the other person is feeling when they are with you by listening closely to what they are saying, by noticing their body language and responses, and by asking them.

Don’t overwhelm the person with phone calls or other kinds of contact. Use your intuition and common sense to determine when to call and how often. Don’t ever call late at night or early in the morning until you both have agreed to be available to each other in emergencies (for example, one of you is sick or has gotten some very bad news).

Technorati Tags: friendship in recovery

I love lists, especially when wisdom is condensed down to simplicity and easy reading. Who could ask for more?

The credit for this list goes to Cherie Carter-Scot, Ph.D. If you like it, give her a Google.

Rules For Being Human

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but ut will be yours for the entire period this time around.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal scholl called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or you may think them irrelevant and stupid.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error, and experimentation. The ‘failed’ experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately ‘works’.

4. A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then move on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6. There is no better ‘there’ than ‘here’. When your ‘there’ has become a ‘here’, you will simply obtain another ‘there’ that will, again look better than ‘here’.

7. Others are merely a mirror of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make out of your life is up to you. (editors note: Add ‘with the permission of your Higher Power’, if so desired.) You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you.

9. Your answers lie inside you. The answers to life’s questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust.

10. You will forget this.

Cherie Carter-Scot, Ph.D.

self-improvement

Technorati Tags: Self-Improvement

By Royane Real

A few years ago a surprising survey discovered that people who spent a lot of time on the Internet were a lot lonelier than people who didnt spend much time on the Net.

This was an unexpected find because many people view the Internet and e-mail as a great way to make and keep connections with other people. So what is the truth? Does spending time on the Internet actually make people more lonely? Or did this study simply show that people who are already lonely spend a lot of time on the Net?

As happens so often, the technology itself is neutral; whether it is good or bad depends on how the technology is used. The day can fly by very quickly when you spend time on the Internet, whether you are looking for information, or visiting a chat room. Using the Internet, you can easily find people who share the same obscure interests you may have, such as raising Abyssinian cats, or studying Florentine tapestries. Through the Internet you can find another person who is struggling with an illness or problem similar to yours, and who understands exactly what you are going through.

The vastness and the speed of the Internet means you can hook up instantly with people on the other side of the world and have lengthy conversations with them about intimate matters you have never discussed with anyone else. The anonymity of the Internet can be a double-edged sword. You can feel safe revealing your innermost self to a total stranger because he lives five thousand miles away and you will probably never meet him. You might believe you can tell him your innermost thoughts, even those you cant tell your husband. You may feel encouraged and supported by a person you have met on-line in a way that you dont believe you are supported by any of the people in your everyday life. Your Internet friends may find it easy to offer you support and encouragement because they will never have to back up their typed words with any real action or commitment.

Talk is cheap, and supportive talk on the Internet may or may not be sincerely offered. Its true that some relationships that start off on the Internet will develop into long term on-line friendships that last decades, even if the two correspondents never meet in person. And in some cases these on-line relationships will also successfully transform into friendships in the off-line world. But the kind of interaction you get on the Internet lacks some of the most important aspects of a friendship–the interaction with a real live human person. You dont get to experience a friends face light up with a smile because he is happy to see you. You dont get to take part in shared activities, and develop a history together. You dont have someone put their hand on yours as you exchange confidences. You dont even know that your Internet friend is really who he claims he is! You dont know beyond a shadow of a doubt that anything your on-line friend says about himself is true.

Although the Internet is a unique and useful means of communication between people, dont use it as a complete substitute for live social contact. Balance your on-line activities with activities that involve meeting and interacting with real live people in your local community. Dont use the availability and ease of Internet relationships as an excuse to avoid some of the more difficult, yet ultimately more rewarding work of developing relationships with the people you already have around you.

About the Author : This article is taken from the new book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Have All the Friends You Want – Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends” If you want to improve your friendships and social life, download it today at www.royanereal.com

:Enigma- Age Of Loneliness

Technorati Tags: internet-addiction, loneliness

By Bill Urell

I am a big believer in the idea that every action we take is done for reason.

1. What is your payoff?
What is it that you really get from self-defeating behaviors and attitudes? Is it negative attention? A reason to go back to using drugs and alcohol? Ask yourself What is REALLY going on here?

2. Avoid situations that trigger extreme emotional reactions.
Most people relapse back into addiction because of their inability to handle emotional stress. Extreme emotional reactions can provoke a drug or alcohol relapse. If you can’t avoid this situation, at least try to get a realistic perspective on it. Ask yourself How important is it really?

3. Take a look at your past.
Just don’t get stuck there. Try to identify where your belief system came from. Once you have identified where those defeating attitudes came from, let go of them. It is OK to acknowledge the past, but not to use it as an excuse to continue your behavior into the present.

4. Challenge staying in the victim role.
Again, in recognizing the past we’re not denying that bad things have happened to you. Try reclaiming your personal power by reframing your experiences as a source of strength. Not everyone has gone through what you have and survived. The process of growth in addiction recovery is about regaining self empowerment.
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5. Stop blaming people.
Being the victim and blaming others, results in one particular sneaky, self destructive attitude. That is the attitude o fnot needing to change. Recovery is all about change, but, if everything is always somebody else’s fault, why do I need to change? In the victim role, it is poor me, look what they have done to me, I couldn’t stop it from happening, so I will be a perpetual victim and take no action.

6. First thought wrong.
Man, do I hate this one. My sponsor used to tell me this all the time. People who have a habit of self sabotaging have got to come to accept that they are never upset for the reasons that first come to mind. First thought wrong. We need to look at the underlying issues, again, ask the question ‘Whats really going on here?’ Sometimes we will take those negative thoughts and try to make them come true by doing something really destructive. We create a self-fulfilling prophesy.

7. We need to change the thoughts we have about ourselves.
Stop the negative self talk. Start thoroughly and rigorously questioning where your beliefs and perceptions are coming from. Don’t judge yourself as you’re doing this, become willing to letgo of those negative thoughts. Stop defending your right to be wrong.

8. Are you done suffering yet?
Just as this question is a key motivator to move from using drugs and alcohol into recovery, it is a prime motivator to start changing our self-defeating attitudes and actions. Nothing changes if nothing changes. How much longer are you willing to keep stepping on your own feet, tripping and falling down? Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to stop the pain.

Technorati Tags: Self Esteem, self-defeating-behaviors, self-sabotage

One of the key elements to enjoying and growing in addiction recovery is being social again. I don’t know about you, but for me certain simple life skills are difficult. Things like making small talk, mixing in at social events are pretty awkard, if not downright scary at times. Here is a nice little article that addresses one of thise addiction recovery tools: small talk.

Improve Your Social Skills and Social Life With Better Small Talk

By Royane Real

If you want to improve your social life, it helps to improve your social skills.

And one of the social skills that you should try to master is the art of making small talk. Small talk is the name commonly given to the fairly predictable superficial chatter that makes up a large portion of our social encounters. Neighbors chatting over the fence, strangers speaking to each other in a grocery line, or workers talking at an office party will often engage in the exchange of fairly ritual, routine observations, comments and questions.

Often there is no intent by either party to take the conversation to a deeper level. Most of the comments and questions tend to be of a fairly trivial sort. For example, a person might say, “I wonder when this heat wave will ever end,” or “Thats a nice dress, where did you get it?” Other typical small talk dialogue might include basic questions like, “What do you do?” Or “How long have you lived in this neighborhood”?

Small talk often has a bad name. Many people dislike small talk, precisely because it is so mundane and trivial and predictable. It rarely touches on anything important. It does not lead you deeply into the soul of another. It is conservative and safe. You do not discuss really serious issues like world hunger, or the meaning of life, or the results of a recent scientific breakthrough. People who are very intellectual or very shy, and those who are socially rebellious, are often unable or unwilling to engage in this sort of chatter, which they consider meaningless and trite.

They long instead to have only intense, meaningful, and soulful exchanges about important matters. If this is true of you, if you have had nothing but contempt for the very existence of small talk, if you look down with disdain on all who engage in it, it is time to consider revising your opinion. Small talk, however despicable, however cliché, has an important role to play in initiating, developing, and deepening social connections with other human beings. Think of small talk as the oil that lubricates the wheels of social interaction. If you see a person regularly, you can use small talk as a way to gradually learn more about each other.

Small talk gives people a low-key, non-threatening way to exchange very basic bits of information with each other. Through these very tiny, safe, and cliché exchanges that each person offers the other, you can find out what interests you have in common, and whether or not you like the character of the other person. A complete inability or refusal to engage in small talk can severely limit the overall number of social relationships you develop.

Refusing to engage in some form of small talk will send out the signal that you are not a friendly person, or that you think you are too good to talk with others. On the other hand, the more often you engage in small talk encounters with others, the more likely it is that you will find people who want to move on to discuss some of the topics that are of more importance to you. Instead of refusing to play the small talk “game”, why not really make a game out of it? Decide to practice small talk strictly for fun and give yourself points for starting it and keeping it going.

Think of small talk as a skill you can develop, and practice working to become better at it. Do it everywhere, and do it often. Becoming good at small talk will eventually pay off and give you even more opportunities to talk about those things that really matter to you. You can actually learn to enjoy the light hearted, low key, small talk process, and you may end up liking many of the other people you meet along the way!

About the author: This article is taken from the new downloadable book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Have All the Friends You Want – Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends” Download it today at http://www.royanereal.com

Here are some additional articles:

Why You Should Seek Out New Relationships  (I really like this blog and have contributed to it through the Bolg Carnival)

Lonely? How to meet young professionals like yourself

Technorati Tags: Addiction, Addiction Recovery, addiction recovery skills

Sometimes in addiction recovery, self love is lacking. We can be merciless on ourselves. Take a quick moment and be gentle with yourself ladle some self-love into your soul. Here’s how:

1. Self love is acknowledging and recognizing that you’re OK.

2. Self love is trusting your judgment.

3. Self love is seeing yourself as neither better than, nor worse than, others.

4. Self love it is surrounding yourself with friends who care.

5. Self love is talking to yourself in a caring and gentle fashion.

6. Self love is forgiving yourself.

7. Self love is setting limits and sticking to them.

8. Self love is having fun without feeling guilty.

9. Self love is surrounding yourself with people who give you energy, rather than taking away.

10. Self love is developing sound intuition and following it.

That wasn’ t too painful was it? Enjoy your journey in addiction recovery.

Technorati Tags: Addiction, Addiction Recovery, self-approval, self-love