Drug Abuse And Alcoholism Recovery: Self Sabotage And Self-Defeating Behaviors

For people in recovery, thinking about using alcohol or drugs, or actually returning to their use is the ultimate in self-sabotage and self-defeating behavior.

I mean, talk about shooting yourself in the foot, what good could possibly come out of a return to the use of drugs and alcohol? As we go through this module I cannot imagine anybody in recovery not having several ‘Aha moments’ or ‘light bulbs going off over your head’. OK, let’s get to it.

A pretty good working definition of self sabotaging behavior is this:

“Self sabotaging thoughts, behaviors, and feelings create a block in the road to success even when there is no rational or logical explanation as to why you cannot achieve your goals.”

An interesting thing about self sabotage is that it is not a lack of knowledge, effort or even desire that keeps you from achieving your goals and out comes.
But rather, it is the committee in our head, or our own inner self-dialogue that confuses the issue.

Let’s take a look at some of the characteristics in attitudes of self sabotaging behavior. Daniel G. Amen, in his book, Don’t Shoot Yourself In The Foot came up with the following characteristics and contrasts.

If I took that table above, and labeled the left side ‘engaging in addictive use’, and the right side in ‘engaging in recovery’, it would fit like a glove. The deeper I get into this, the more realize that engaging in your addiction is the ultimate in self-destructive behavior.

So, self-sabotage can lead you to, and position you in the middle of, “relapse mode”. For us, that is the ultimate danger. Self-defeating behavior can make you frustrated, bring up that feeling of being trapped again, and be very discouraging. Don’t get me wrong, everybody makes a poor decision or does not get the results they want all the time. But this idea of self sabotaging and self-defeating behavior is really problematic when it becomes insidious and a pattern rather than an exception.

What Do Researchers Say?

Great question, I’m glad you asked. I think it is important for you to know that material presented did not just come off the top of my head, there is foundation for it.

Rather than quote sentence by sentence from research papers, I will give you a composite of was likely to have caused self-defeating behaviors and where they come from. We talked before very briefly about modeling being a very effective means of learning, and that unfortunately, many of us were raised in less than fully functional families.

People with self-defeating and sell sabotaging behaviors often have some of these five characteristics in common:

1. – They may come from family systems where behavior was inconsistent.

2. – Often there is a history of abandonment or detachment disorder.

3. – Many have a history of not getting their developmental needs met, or knowing how ask.

4. – Come from families with a ‘no talk’, or ‘don’t let and see you sweat rule.’

5. – They may have incidents of abuse in the past, or present.

One concept that was put forth that we’ll provide for your consideration is this: because our needs were not met as children by our care givers, we have a great deal of low self worth and shame. Shame is a belief that we are defective inside, at the core.

It is only normal to have our needs recognized and met. Unfortunately, that is not happening. What we learn are various ways to get attention.

1. Some to try to be as pleasing, hard working, and worthy as possible… they turn into the overachievers.

2. For others, acting and out in a negative sense is a way to get attention. Unfortunately, this is not the best way to get your internal needs met.

OK, let’s try to string this all together and hopefully, it will make some sense. The dialogue in your head might run like this. Here we go…

“I’ve never been able to get my emotional needs met; as a kid I raising my hand saying Mommy, Daddy, look at me, look at me. I was ignored, or worse belittled, or told I could do better. I tried harder and harder but it was never good enough. This creates the emotion of shame which becomes deeply internalized into the core of my being. I am not worthy, I am never good enough, but ironically I keep trying harder and harder. Now here is where the self sabotage and self-defeating behavior comes in. I am right on the brink of success, finally proving to the people around me, and maybe even myself that I am worthy, capable and good. But because of all that shame that I grew up with, I ‘know inside’ I am not good, so I mess things up just when successes in sight.”

As I said before, if the shoe fits wear it. Maybe not all people in addiction recovery have been through a little life scenario as I’ve described it. But man, as I was writing that it had a definite ring of familiarity within me and from stories of people in recovery that I’ve heard.

Technorati Tags: Addiction, Alcoholism, drug-abuse, self-defeating-behaviors, self-sabotage

Tagged as: Addiction, Alcoholism, drug-abuse, self-defeating-behaviors, self-sabotage