I found this well written article on communication skills and relationship tips. What sparked my interest in finding a good article was a lively lunch discussion this afternoon, where I argued for communication skills as being the most important thing in a relationship. I don’t know if I won the discussion on the importance of communication, but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Simple Tips to Improve Your Communication/Relationship Skills
By Connie Limon
Have you ever been to a function in a room full of strangers and found yourself lost for words? The art of introducing yourself to others and creating small talk may come natural for some, but most people confess to feeling shy, embarrassed and dont know where to start.
There are four levels of communication: small talk, fact disclosure, share viewpoints and opinions and share personal opinions.
1. Small Talk. In new relationships or acquaintances the safest place to start is to talk about surface issues. For instance, make a comment about the weather, current events or the surroundings you are in. This is called small talk, and is used to size up the other person to determine the comfort zone between the two of you. There is no need to disclose any personal information with the other person at this stage, as this initial interaction assists you to determine how safe they are on your first meeting. If you are comfortable with each other at a surface level you can easily slip into the next level of communication: fact disclosure.
2. Fact Disclosure Fact. Disclosure is slightly deeper than small talk in that you disclose facts about yourself without triggering topics of emotional interest. The purpose of fact disclosure is to find out if you have something in common. You can use these common areas to build a friendship. You may want to talk about your career, occupation, hobbies, or where you live. Avoid topics like marriage, divorce, politics, sex and religion in this second level of communication. If you find a topic of mutual interest you may want to progress to the next level of communication: sharing viewpoints and opinions.
3. Share Viewpoints and Opinions. Once you have established that the other person is safe through small talk, and have found areas of common interest, you can build rapport by sharing your opinions and viewpoints. By sharing your viewpoints and opinions you allow yourself to become vulnerable to the scrutiny and objections of the other person. Enter this level of communication once you are comfortable that you both share positive feelings through the first two levels. Be prepared to listen to the opinions of your new friend. This will enable your friendship to survive. Make sure you dont use your opinions as a form of character assassination of other people. You may be thought of as a negative person and this may cause your new friend to distance himself/herself from you. The fourth level of communication is sharing personal feelings. Solid friendships over time usually enter this fourth level of communication.
4. Share Personal Feelings. After building upon trust, finding things in common and listening to the viewpoints and opinions of others, you may be able to share your personal feelings. This is when an acquaintance becomes a genuine friend. Things of deep value to you can be shared without feeling threatened. You listen closely to each other without the need to solve your friends problem. You are happy to reflect their feelings back to them forming a bond of empathy and compassion between the two of you. At this level of communication, it is important that you provide a little distance between yourself and your friend. If the distinction between yourself and your friend becomes unrecognizable, it is possible for your relationship to go sour. If you know how to handle your own feelings, attitudes and behaviors while maintaining your friendship at this level, you will build a successful friendship that can last a lifetime.
Author: Connie Limon. Please visit us online at: http://www.selfimprovementbook1.com/Self Improvement Book is a guide to self improvement, personal growth and self help. It is an organized directory referencing other websites on the World Wide Web. Sign up for our FREE bi-weekly newsletter.
Elsewhere around the net, these articles and blogs are really worth a look:
How to Communicate with your Family?
Communication Skills – 4 Excellent Ways To Fine Tune Your …
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
This is a great article, and it makes some good points. Something that a lot of couples downplay in their relationships is the need for open communication. It’s great to have a physical attraction with your partner, but you have to be able to communicate effectively with them as well if you ever want the relationship to last.
I, myself doesn’t really know on how to start on communicating with other person. If I enter a room, I just smiled and nod but there is a big hesitation on my part to start on a topic. I am hesitant to discuss a topic of which I don’t know very much. The simple tips are of great help to me. Thanks!
I’d have to agree that good communications skills are an important part of any type of relationship. Part of the ability to communicate properly is to truly listen to the other person. I find that I am guilty of thinking of the next thing to say while the other person is speaking and this does nothing but cause problems. Instead of being a good listener, all I’m caring about is my own opinions and that is a poor communication skill.
I acted like a fool way before I was in highschool talking senseless stuff and also being a poor listener. I think that’s why I never really had true friends due to my lack of communication and relationship skills. So in conclusion, to all the readers out there, this article really is good stuff. It actually worked for me, so why not try it out.
Having a regular and good communication is very essential to start or continue a relationship. Communication gap between two people always brings friction in their relationship and they start feeling uncomfortable when they are togather after a long time. I think everybody should have the basic communication skills because it is also a part of one’s personality and helps him to express himself in a better way.
Great article and only now I am married can I relate and honestly say that these key facts for a relationship I have. However in previous relationships things like sharing feelings or being able to talk about any thing and everything were not possible. Many couples get into a comfort zone where they do not open up to one another enough and so not only is it something you should do from the beginning but also continuously to have a happy and successful relationship.