Friendship In Addiction Recovery

When actively using, you may have gotten used to loneliness or being isolated. It may be difficult to get back into circulation.

Making Friends in Addiction Recovery

Making new friends can be exciting or intimidating, depending on your personality and your circumstances, but ultimately it is rewarding. To meet new people who might become your friends, you have to go to places where others are gathered. The hardest thing about going out and doing anything in the community is doing it for the first time. It’s hard for everyone. Push through those hard feelings and go. Most of the time, you will be glad you did.

Don’t limit yourself to one idea or strategy for meeting people. The broader your effort, the greater your likelihood of success. Try several of these ideas:

• Attend a support group, such as a 12 step group. Support groups are a great way to make new friends. It could be a group for people who have similar health issues or life challenges, or a group for people of the same age or sex.
• Go to community activities like sporting events, theatrical productions, concerts, art shows, poetry readings, book signings, civic groups, special interest groups, and political meetings. Take a course or join a church. Let yourself be seen and known in the community. If money is a problem, consider going to your local library and looking in the newspaper for listings of free events. Spend time in places that are free, like a local bookstore with couches where you can sit and read for a while. You will have a feeling of connection even without any dialogue with others.
• Volunteer. Strong connections often are formed when people work together on projects of mutual concern. When volunteering, you are already with a group of people with a common interest. You could help out at a soup kitchen, read to children in day care, visit people in nursing homes, deliver flowers in the hospital, or serve on a political or social action committee. You could bring snacks for the other volunteers and arrange a time to get together and eat with them for more social contact.

Some people use chat groups and other connections on the Internet as a way to make friends and to relieve loneliness. While this can be a good short-term way to connect with others, avoid sharing personal information and your phone and address with people you do not know well or whom you have not met in person.

Reaching out to establish a friendship sometimes happens simply and casually. At other times, it takes special effort. If you feel you need and want to take some action so a person you have met becomes a friend, you could —

• ask the person to join you at a cafe for coffee or lunch, to go for a walk, or to engage in some other activity with you
• call the person on the phone to share a piece of good news you think they might be interested in
• send a short, friendly e-mail and see if they respond
• chat with them about something of interest to both of you
• offer to help the person with a particular task if you think it would be appreciated

Even window-shopping with another person can be good, especially if there is a theme, even humorous, like “I’m going to find something in the window I could wear to a Halloween party.” A woman in the focus group said she went window-shopping with a friend. They tried on lots of clothes that they’d buy if they had the money, and it was great fun.

Test the waters by proceeding slowly. The addictive mind tends to be all or nothing, hot or cold, black and white. As you both enjoy each other more, the friendship deepens. Notice how you feel about yourself when you are with the other person. If you feel good about yourself, you may be on the road to a fulfilling friendship.

If you have never had a close friend, you may have a hard time knowing when to take action that will allow the friendship to deepen. A friendship may be starting to get closer if you are feeling more comfortable with that person, you feel content and at ease when the two of you are together, and you feel disappointed when you and the other person can’t get together, but you don’t “fall apart.” You can be aware of how the other person is feeling when they are with you by listening closely to what they are saying, by noticing their body language and responses, and by asking them.

Don’t overwhelm the person with phone calls or other kinds of contact. Use your intuition and common sense to determine when to call and how often. Don’t ever call late at night or early in the morning until you both have agreed to be available to each other in emergencies (for example, one of you is sick or has gotten some very bad news).

Tagged as: Addiction Recovery, friendship in recovery, Halloween party