One of the key elements to enjoying and growing in addiction recovery is being social again. I don't know about you, but for me certain simple life skills are difficult. Things like making small talk, mixing in at social events are pretty awkard, if not downright scary at times. Here is a nice little article that addresses one of thise addiction recovery tools: small talk.
Improve Your Social Skills and Social Life With Better Small Talk
By Royane Real
If you want to improve your social life, it helps to improve your social skills.
And one of the social skills that you should try to master is the art of making small talk. Small talk is the name commonly given to the fairly predictable superficial chatter that makes up a large portion of our social encounters. Neighbors chatting over the fence, strangers speaking to each other in a grocery line, or workers talking at an office party will often engage in the exchange of fairly ritual, routine observations, comments and questions.
Often there is no intent by either party to take the conversation to a deeper level. Most of the comments and questions tend to be of a fairly trivial sort. For example, a person might say, "I wonder when this heat wave will ever end," or "Thats a nice dress, where did you get it?" Other typical small talk dialogue might include basic questions like, "What do you do?" Or "How long have you lived in this neighborhood"?
Small talk often has a bad name. Many people dislike small talk, precisely because it is so mundane and trivial and predictable. It rarely touches on anything important. It does not lead you deeply into the soul of another. It is conservative and safe. You do not discuss really serious issues like world hunger, or the meaning of life, or the results of a recent scientific breakthrough. People who are very intellectual or very shy, and those who are socially rebellious, are often unable or unwilling to engage in this sort of chatter, which they consider meaningless and trite.
They long instead to have only intense, meaningful, and soulful exchanges about important matters. If this is true of you, if you have had nothing but contempt for the very existence of small talk, if you look down with disdain on all who engage in it, it is time to consider revising your opinion. Small talk, however despicable, however cliché, has an important role to play in initiating, developing, and deepening social connections with other human beings. Think of small talk as the oil that lubricates the wheels of social interaction. If you see a person regularly, you can use small talk as a way to gradually learn more about each other.
Small talk gives people a low-key, non-threatening way to exchange very basic bits of information with each other. Through these very tiny, safe, and cliché exchanges that each person offers the other, you can find out what interests you have in common, and whether or not you like the character of the other person. A complete inability or refusal to engage in small talk can severely limit the overall number of social relationships you develop.
Refusing to engage in some form of small talk will send out the signal that you are not a friendly person, or that you think you are too good to talk with others. On the other hand, the more often you engage in small talk encounters with others, the more likely it is that you will find people who want to move on to discuss some of the topics that are of more importance to you. Instead of refusing to play the small talk "game", why not really make a game out of it? Decide to practice small talk strictly for fun and give yourself points for starting it and keeping it going.
Think of small talk as a skill you can develop, and practice working to become better at it. Do it everywhere, and do it often. Becoming good at small talk will eventually pay off and give you even more opportunities to talk about those things that really matter to you. You can actually learn to enjoy the light hearted, low key, small talk process, and you may end up liking many of the other people you meet along the way!
About the author: This article is taken from the new downloadable book by Royane Real titled "How You Can Have All the Friends You Want - Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends" Download it today at http://www.royanereal.com
Here are some additional articles:
Why You Should Seek Out New Relationships (I really like this blog and have contributed to it through the Bolg Carnival)
Lonely? How to meet young professionals like yourself
Edited by Bill Urell,
MA in Addiction Counseling, CAAP-II, Owner and Editor. -
There is a gallery of sober living and addiction recovery information available in the FREE, 103 page Addiction Recovery Help Guide, Use the form up top at the right to claim your addiction guide.
2 responses so far ↓
1 Carys // May 16, 2008 at
Well I must agree that improving your social skills would help improve your social life, haha.
It's hilarious how bad some people are at these things. My boyfriend (God bless him haha) met his brother's girlfriend for the first time, she says "Nice to meet you" and he says "Wish I could say the same." The funny thing is, he was trying to be nice, to joke around. Sarcasm and little jabs are for people you know well. I hate when people talk to me like I'm their best friend and I've only just met them.
People's social skills seem to have gone down the drain. I blame T.V., video games, the media, and pot.
2 Dartz // May 22, 2008 at
True, quite a few addicts shut themselves out of the world when they have a heavy addiction. My dad is an alcoholic, and he became oblivious to life, he never even noticed that I moved in with my uncle for a week.
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