Jealous – It’s Not A Loving Emotion!

I’m jealous of my wife. There’s no reason for it. I know I’m going to lose her if I don’t quit.

Olivia was jealous. She could hardly stand it if another woman looked at her husband. Gavin’s comment to us was, “She’s even jealous when I play with the kids. Frankly, I just want to run, but I need to save my marriage for their sake. If I left, she’s do everything she could to keep me from seeing them.”

Olivia refused to go to a counselor or a psychologist, but she liked our books. Her husband Gavin hoped that we could help her make a change Gary was doing the same thing to his wife. Though she’d never been with anyone else, and although she made sure he was with her when she went anywhere and clearly was in love with the man – he was really jealous. It all came to a head when after church they got into a huge argument because she’d talked to a guy in their small group meeting. It didn’t matter that Gary had been there to see exactly what she had done. No, they hadn’t been talking about anything but the preacher’s morning message. Yes, when Gary walked up, she pulled him in close and put her arm around him.

But Gary’s imagination went wild. He started thinking of all sorts of things that his wife could have been talking about to the other guy during the first couple of minutes of conversation. He demanded to know exactly what had been said, why they were talking and what was said about him. His wife patiently answered the first few questions, but as Gary got angrier, she dissolved into tears, wondering what she had done to deserve this attack. She loved her husband but this had gone too far.

Jealousy is not love. It is rooted in fear. Fear is the catalyst for insecurities that create cracks in a solid marriage. Insecurity, in turn, results in possessiveness, and the need to control. Possessiveness and the need to control evidence themselves in jealous behavior. Jealousy will choke the life out of any relationship and can drive even the most devoted partner away, because it creates a prison – not just for the person who is jealous but his/her partner as well.

Jealousy is not love. It is rooted in fear. Fear generates insecurity. Insecurity, in turn, results in possessiveness, and the need to control. Possessiveness and the need to control evidence themselves in jealous behavior. Jealousy will choke the life out of any relationship and can drive even the most devoted partner away, because it creates a prison – not just for the person who is jealous but his/her partner as well.

If you’re a jealous person, and you want your marriage to survive, we’ll say it as bluntly as we know how – you need to do whatever it takes to get rid of the green-eyed giant. If you truly love your spouse and want to trust that your marriage is solid you can make a change.

Jealousy can show up in the lives of people who otherwise seem strong and in control. They seem to have a need to fasten an iron grip on people, jobs, ideas and attitudes and tighten that grip if anything starts to slip. They can crush the life out of the people and projects they are associated with by smothering them. Learning how to react in an acceptable and reasonable way is the key to solving serious jealousy issues.

Even gentle people can be jealous if they are insecure and fearful. Their jealousy evidences itself in dependency. Others soon tire of their clinging and feel suffocated by their possessiveness, so they find excuses not to be around them. Even the other partner needs to have support to make a change. Envy and jealousy can occur in your relationships with everyone. If you haven’t conquered the demon, you may be unkind toward your spouse’s relatives – especially your mother-in-law. You may even be envious of your husband’s or wife’s successes.

Jealousy makes everyone involved feel awful. It is like a cancer that gnaws at relationships. It’s ugly. The Substitution Technique; or shall we call it our Save My Marriage Technique can help you change the pattern. It’s essential because many marriages and relationships are destroyed by jealousy. Get rid of the fire spitting beast and safeguard your marriage. Before you drive your loved one any further away, download or send for our material.

You can save your marriage. Go to www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com. Get rid of jealousy. Our marriage saving material is exactly what you need.

Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com

Save your marriage, Save your marriage today, and get separate help for men. Also published at Jealous – It’s Not A Loving Emotion!.