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This is true, I have never smoked a cigarette or done any drugs, except for health reasons. I’m 70 yrs old. My sister was the same until several months ago. She is 65, and went through a heartbreaking time with her husband’s alzheimers. He now is in a nursing home. She took up with a man and has admitted to smoking pot with him. She has stopped calling her friends and family including her children and grandchildren. Just out of the blue. She has lost total interest in her business and it’s going down hill. Her son is running it, and feels she has abandon him. In the past she was in her childrens lives to the point of talking to them everyday, several times a day. Now you feel that you’re interupting her. If she does call anyone, its only when this man is out. Her life changed so radically, we wonder if she is addicted to pot. Could that be?

None of it is good for you. Alcohol is alcohol. For a diabetic (or anyone else, for that matter). Alcohol is metabolized in the same manner as fat, and is very bad for diabetics.

Hello everyone,
Stopping your addiction is really very hard especially if you don’t know how to do it. I do know of a friend who had been addicted to alcohol and I have to say that it really had been hard on her. She would say she’s not addicted to alcohol and that she only drinks to ease away the pain from the problems she is facing. But I know she had been a slave of alcohol. She drinks more than any decent man would drink occasionally and to top it all she had been skipping classes just to be with her friends and drink. I don’t know what to do with her. She is a dear friend and I just want to help her stop. She knows I don’t like her drinking so much but she just won’t listen to my advice. Sometimes I become so desperate and berates her. I just pray that one day, she would come to her senses and stop drinking.

I attend Al-anon meetings and they do help. I however am having a difficult time with the “dry drunk” He was my boyfriend and that did not go well because I kept taking the blame etc. I have attended intensive emotional therapy for anxiety-depression. The mental anguish is there at unexpected times. The problem now is that he just seems to be a “dry drunk” and while I still love hime he seems to be even more self centered than before.I would like articles to read on this and perhaps someone elses expperience with this. Thank you

Most people are too proud to list their shortcomings, faults and weaknesses for the whole world to see, but I am not most people.

Most people would be much to ashamed and humiliated to fess-up to all the horrible, stupid, selfish things they have done, but I don’t care what anybody thinks of me. All that matters is what I think about myself.

We all have our skeletons. I am no different than anybody else.

That being said, I am living, breathing walking proof that anyone can get back up after hitting rock bottom. My new life is proof positive that anyone can recover from addiction and depression. As hopelessly lost as I was, I am a demonstration that anybody can change for the better. I have faith in you. So I bring hope to all you who are still suffering. This is my story…

I was born in 1961 on an American Air Force Base in Germany. My father was a United States Air Force fighter pilot, my mother a German national, so I was raised and spent much of my life in the small village my mother was from in Germany, near the Belgium and Dutch borders. And although our family moved around a lot, being stationed back and forth between American Air Force bases, we always ended up back in Germany.

Having witnessed first my Great grandmother, then my Grandmother, both get old only to suffer a stroke, whither away and die, I decided I wasn’t going to get old and go out like that. I was going to live fast and die young. It’s no wonder that, during my youth, Jim Morrison of the Door was my idol.

It was while attending an American Air Force Base High School in Germany that I first came in contact with drugs. At first it was only marijuana and hashish, but soon progressed to occasional LSD, amphetamines and prescription medications.

At age 21, in 1982, I joined the military. After 15 months of service I had enough of military life and was honorably discharged upon my request.

I started going through life like a chicken with it’s head cut off, trying to find myself as a want-to-be hippie on America’s tropical beaches of Florida. But I soon tired of paradise as well, and moved back to Germany again. It was there that I came to discover heroin in the late 1980s.

Trying to support my habit, I started selling all kinds of drugs, from hashish, to methamphetamines, to cocaine to heroin, I was selling and using them all. It was during this time of madness that I met and married a German woman as crazy as me, becoming a father to a beautiful daughter soon thereafter.

Wanting and needing a change, I decided to make a break from it all and my wife and I moved to Cincinnati, Ohio, leaving our daughter with my sister-in-law. It was not long before our marriage turned sour, and although my wife and I stayed friends, we were soon living our separate lives.

Living alone in Cincinnati, I had a brief period where I was able to stay away from the hard drugs, only using and selling marijuana while driving a cab. But when I lost my taxi permit due to an accident and lack of insurance, I relapsed with flying colors, soon becoming more addicted to hard drugs than ever before.

Before I knew what was happening I was hopelessly hooked on heroin, cocaine and crack cocaine. At first, I was able to function to some extent, even managing the San Antonio office of a well-known, national veterans organization, joining a martial arts club, even dating. But living the life of an addict, my life spiraled out of control and I became the very person I despised; a lazy, irresponsible, junky, thief, fraud, liar, felon and con.

I was in and out of jails, spending 8 months in an Ohio prison, only to be released to do another 11 months in a prison in Texas. I ended up homeless and begging for money.

There came the day I could go on no longer. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had had enough. I was determined to make a change. And it was this determination that has been the deciding factor to my recovery and my New Life.

From one day to the next, I moved in with a non-using acquaintance I had just met. It was a small dump of a room in a shabby neighborhood, but it was across town from my so-called dope-using buddies. The key was that I didn’t know anybody around there that had anything to do with drugs. And I wasn’t looking… so I wasn’t using…

It was during this first clean time that I found out I had clinical depression. In fact, it was later determined that I am manic-depressive, that is, bipolar. For the first time in my life I actually reached out to someone. I went to the Center for Health Care Services in San Antonio, Texas and told the admissions worker I needed help.

This government sponsored clinic helped change my life. They helped me with housing and financial assistance, providing counseling and referrals. They put me up in an apartment and helped me apply for federal assistance.

Today I am living a stable, legal and drug-free life! I have had complete mental, physical and dental checkups. I take only medications prescribed to me for anxiety, depression and high-cholesterol. I am in the process of getting my teeth (or lack thereof) fixed.

I have regained the will to live, purpose and self-esteem. I now have a really nice, really big pad. I get a small pension and I have a humble, home-base, online business. I belong to a martial arts club, work out, practice archery and play golf. I would like to someday do some extreme sports like parasailing, parashuting, waterskiing, etc., but for right now I have too little time or money to practice these. I have promised myself that I will someday. Someday soon.

I am founder and president of the San Antonio, Texas based nonprofit Disabled Veterans Association. I am in the process of launching an (this) addiction recovery Website, and hopefully will be able to launch another site helping those afflicted with anxiety and depression soon as well.

I am networking in hopes of starting archery, golf and survival clubs, as well as a computer recycling center, but much of all this grandeur is my manic side thinking, talking and writing for me. However, I will follow all of these hopes, plans and dreams as best I can… one day at a time.

For now, because of my experiences, and information and knowledge I gained because of these experiences, I am committed to helping those who are still suffering from any kind of addiction and/or mental illness. And because of my experiences as a veteran and watching the struggles of other veterans, I am committed to helping veterans in need of assistance, support, counseling and referrals in any way, shape or form I can.

All in all, to make a short story long, I have a new lease on life. And a new life, period. And I appreciate it to the point of living each day to the fullest, come whatever may. Oh, I still have my cycles of anxiety and depression. Even with medication these are unavoidable. However, today I know that these will pass and that the day will come when I feel better. That the day will come when life is good, exciting, even fun. That day is worth waiting for.

Life is good! Enjoy it!!!
Thomas Retterbush´s last [type] ..Is Food Addiction the Real Reason Youre Fat or cant Loose Weight

I forgot to mention that my cousin’s parents are now deceased. Her father died of cancer and her mother died of alcohol-abuse and heavy smoking-related illnesses. The cousin also smokes, of course.

My name is Blanca and I am a recovering alcoholic this is my story of recovery through the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Was I born an alcoholic? This question I am often asked when sharing my story, there may be a debate about whether alcoholism is a disease or a disorder in the medical science field. Whichever the case may be, I know that I had a predisposition for alcoholism because of my genetics and because of my inability to control my consumption once taking that first drink.
I was born in San Francisco, CA . My mother was an immigrant from El Salvador and my biological father remains unknown. At the time of my birth my mother was married to a pedophile who sexually abused me and my two older sisters. The affects of that molestation remain in my obsessive-compulsive behaviors. Due to these incestuous episodes I developed a mood disorder of Dysthymia a chronic depression, which three quarters of patients have another psychiatric disorder such as one of anxiety, drug addiction or alcoholism. This disorder may have been one of the ways I was able to survive. A lot of us who have had such trauma early in childhood don’t make it to adulthood.
Growing up in an alcoholic home made me anxious constantly, always having feelings of impending doom, fear permeated my every thought, striving to be perfect for love and affection, seeking approval continuously created an insatiable desire to please people. Because of my sexual abuse wound I attracted untreated child molesters and perverts. When I wasn’t being abused, I would abuse myself. How to best describe my daily state of mind for most of my childhood would be to say, I was not comfortable in my own skin. I felt sad, quiet, loneliness due to the isolation and there were very few times did I ever get respite from the chronic pain. The chronic depression was an outward expression of my inner reality. I would unconsciously find ways to get out of feeling the feelings of emotional pain of my abuse, the betrayal of trust from persons who had authority over me and the self hatred that came as a result of my shame. When I drank alcohol all those demons inside my mind went away. Although alcohol was damaging it became the source of my relief.
The relief was instant and I would black out at times which brought on more shame the next day not remembering what I had done. I would have long periods of not drinking then have binges that brought physical, emotional and mental upheaval. My family would tell me the next day what I had done, while I was recovering from a bad hangover. I thought they were trying to make me crazy because I could not remember what had happen or worse yet I could not remember what I had done.
At the age of eighteen I married my first husband in El Salvador, influenced more from the desire to get out of the house then out of love. We had a daughter within our first year of marriage. I was divorced by age twenty three. I came back to San Francisco hoping to find a better life for myself and my daughter. During this time I learned how to drive, which made me dangerous when I drank. There were a few times I drove in a blackout. There for the grace of God, I did not kill myself or another. Some of my brothers and sisters in recovery have had to face courageously the taking of a life under the influence.
The horror of the next day was painful, trying to piece together what happened. It was scary waking up and not knowing how I got here. One time, I drove in a blackout to my boyfriend’s house. He told me later that when he opened the door I collapsed. The last thing of that night before awakening (in recovery we call it coming to) was the hostess at the wedding popping open the champagne bottle.
Now at the age of thirty, I desperately wanted to be married and have more children. I believe this was one of my ways of deflecting the truth about me. Running away, getting married, having babies were only ploys of my twisted thinking to get out of facing the truth and taking responsibility for my life. My behavior and decisions were inconsistent with reality and truth about myself and my condition. I did not realize how emotionally sick I was from the affects of alcohol and of my childhood abuse. I kept adding wreckage in the wake of my departures.
The men I dated didn’t want to commit to an unstable person and no one wanted an out of control drunk. My untreated alcoholism kept me in the company of unhealthy people. My cries for help were wrapped up in self pity and self loathing, berating myself internally, constantly and without mercy. I was perpetuating the abuse to myself with alcohol, sex and anger to escape from the mental torments.
In 1978 there were many disappointments that turned my hopes for a better life to an obsession. Trying to find some self respect and dignity there was an imaginary electric wire hanging from me trying that I wanted to plug into someone I could marry. I was also trying to end a five year relationship that was going nowhere to an older man. In the psychologist world it would be said, “She’s looking for the father”. What I did not know my emptiness was a need for God.
I met my second husband at work, I was thinking life is passing by me; it is now or maybe never. My husband had old fashion ways which was uncommon in California and he was eight years older than me. I felt he could be my security. He was at the time separated from his first wife, within six months of meeting I got pregnant. An alcoholic of my type manipulates, behaves dishonestly and is unaware the harm his or her behavior causes another person due to our self-centeredness. I was not the cause of my husband’s separation but by becoming pregnant this insured he would not reconcile with his first wife. This is the disease of alcoholism, the roots of addiction and the unconscious acting out of selfish and obsessive motives. This was my bondage.
We moved out of California and came to live in Vancouver, Washington my daughter was twelve years old at the time. Since becoming pregnant I stopped drinking and after our son was born, my mood disorder came back with a vengeance. I would check out mentally. I would overeat in place of drinking. I tried to find outlets that would relieve that chronic emotional pain.
In 1988 some traumatic events happened to me within a short period of time that pushed me over the precipice of an emotional breakdown. My step-daughter who came to live with us for four years was found out to be a child molester and was taken away from us. All those old demons of my abuse came to me reminding me that I was damaged goods. The stress of my step-daughter later going to jail because of another incident put a strain on my marriage. I had constant thoughts of my husband leaving me. I tried holding it together until our son fell off a tree and was hospitalized and had brain surgery. The ordeal of witnessing his pain and suffering brought every past trauma and loss into my mind. I thought I would go insane. Thank God, my son did not suffer any physical effects from the fall.
One of my older sisters had found A.A. six years prior and encouraged me to go. June 1st, 1989 at 42 years of age I started my road to recovery. At first it was electrifying to feel this good, people at the meetings really cared and genuinely wanted me to succeed on staying sober. I got a sponsor, started working the Twelve Steps. Read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, did not understand at first the ideas presented but I enjoyed the stories.
I started to make a living amends to the people I had harmed by staying abstinent from alcohol and continued to make progress in my spiritual growth. Two years into my sobriety my daughter got married and I wrote a letter of amends to my first husband, for taking our daughter away from him; for not letting him see her. He did not come to the wedding but he did get to meet our daughter and I was able to talk with him freely and openly about what happened.
At five years of sobriety, arrogance and self importance started to harden my heart. I stopped working the spiritual program. I thought I was cured. Part of the reason was I was under the belief that this feeling of feeling good about myself would last without my continued work on character defects. Since I stopped growing I went back to my old behaviors. My marriage started feeling the effects of my inner disturbance.
What I know now is that during these past years of marriage, I had fulfillment with my children, my home and my family. My daughter especially had been with me for all this time through good and bad times. This stage of my life I started to be left alone, some call it the empty nest. For me it was much more, my family had become my identity, my emotional dependency and my life.
I asked my husband to fill the emptiness that I was feeling with more affection and love. He could not fulfill my request. It was unrealistic of me to have asked for this. Instead of seeking help, I responded what I perceived, I am not lovable. I started to be haunted by the guilt of becoming pregnant before my husband was divorced. Thoughts like, “God is punishing me” or “I don’t deserve to be happy or loved” would invade what little serenity I had at the time. I sought relief from the emotional pain and from the hurt; what I believed was rejection the only way I knew how by finding someone else.
My husband was devastated when he found out about the affair and we separated in 1994. We saw each other very few times till our court day on April 19, 1997. My husband died two years later, he had a bad heart when we married over time it got worse. I believe the disappointment I caused aggravated his condition. His death left a big hole in my life, once again I felt lost, there was no cushion to shield me from shame, guilt and fear I felt daily.
After my ex-husband’s death and a relationship that I was having at the time ended in 2000, I became suicidal. I started seeing a therapist to address my emotional sickness. This is when I was diagnosed with Dysthymia. At the time I did not give it much importance. I felt this was another label therapist give people to fit them in a certain hole. Up until this time I always had a cushion, something that would keep me from my own emotions. Either it was alcohol, relationships, children, church or my own fantasies. In sobriety everything is real and needs my full attention. During this period of my sobriety, I struggled how to live life on life’s terms without a cushion, a crutch, a false dependency or an addiction to numb me from my emotional pain.
Therapy at that time put a band aid on my emotions and I managed to get eleven years of sobriety. I met my current sponsor/mentor who slowly introduced me to the real program of Alcoholics Anonymous and the Twelve Steps and brought me back from insanity of trying to live on my own self will. With her help I surrendered again to my Higher Power with much more humility and became convinced that God needed to run my life and I need to seek Him on a daily basis.
Two years later thrown into a depression due to the loss of my eldest sister. I started going to church, first by reading for the first time the Bible. I had stayed away from church since coming into A.A. Now I became a seeker to define my Higher Power. I did not want to go back to the Catholic Church. A.A. started me on a spiritual journey of reliance on a Higher Power of my own understanding, I called God. I had grown up in a Catholic way of seeing God as one who punishes and never could I be good enough. I still had not addressed my childhood demons that kept taunting me every chance they could with fears, insecurities and anxiety.
A Breaking Free class given at the Christian church started to heal those scabbed wounds of my childhood abuse one by one. After two years I accepted Christ into my heart. When Christ came into my heart He filled all those holes I expected people, places and things to fill.
Since coming home to Christ my life is much more at peace and there is tranquility in my heart that was not there before. I live on the twenty-four hour plan and the daily bread plan. I continue to attend meetings of A.A. and added to my spirituality is being a Christian. Having both balances me out in those times of depression or being anxious. Now I have more times of feeling grateful and I have been given a quiet place in the Son to rest.
My hope for writing this guide is that you will be encouraged to help those like me who have had a harder start in life than most; that need more time, more help and more love to heal spiritually because our wounds are so deep that try as we might we cannot do it alone. The church and the Twelve Steps teach me, how to live and walk the sober and Christian path one day at a time and how to be comfortable in my own skin with the best cushion one could possibly have the Twelve Steps, God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
Through my emotional setbacks, I have learned not to rely on yesterday’s recovery for today’s sobriety. I need to have an action today for my recovery, for my spirituality and for my connection with God. I need the manna that is provided at meetings and/or church. I could not survive the challenges of abstinence from alcohol, bouts of dishonesty, relationships and anger without the fellowship of A.A. and the church. It is mostly the program of recovery and spirituality of A.A. and the honesty found in the fellowship and meetings that keep me sober and the church keeps me on the right path.
The elders of A.A., who we affectionately call old timers, would tell us newbie’s, “Put your shoes underneath your bed so you end and start your day in the right position, on your knees”. The other piece of wisdom they imparted on us, “Whoever got up the earliest that’s who has the most sobriety”. My favorite, “Don’t leave before the miracle”, and the miracle that happened to me was when God took over my life and I began to let Him.
I have a debt of gratitude to all my brothers and sisters that have helped me through my sobriety and coming home to Christ. What they would say to me about how I could repay them would be to pass on what they gave me to other still suffering alcoholics. Much like our Lord started his ministry with passage from the book of Isaiah, “The Spirit of the Lord is in me, this is because God chose me to tell the Good News to the poor, God sent me to tell the prisoners of sin that they are free, and to tell the blind they can see again. God sent me to free those who have been treated unfairly” Luke 4:18 New Century Version
My primary purpose today is to help the still suffering alcoholic with every ability, talent and creative part me. Thank you, for letting me share my story. I hope we meet on the road of happy destiny. God bless you and keep you till then.

I’m currently studying the topic of drug addiction in London and so this is prime info that you guys above have given me, many thanks you guys and stay strong.

I have been sober since August 10, 1979. I spent the first 4 years coming in and out of the AA meetings, not realizing why I kept coming back, today I know it was because I wanted to have a relationship with god, that I saw most people in AA had. I expeienced childhood spiritual abuse, as my mother was a child serial killer, and had been in involved in a santic cult. I was raised with a step father who sexually abused me for years, and a mother who pulled all my hair out, and beat me daily for years. I was raped at age 14, and spent most of my teenage years in Juvenile Hall and Foster Homes. After I sobered up, I went back to college and became a substance abuse counselor. I lost my children because of my drinking, and was divorced three times. I have spent my last 10 years of sobriety living alone, and today I’m dating a wonderful man, and have a wonderful counselor position, working with alcoholics. I want to share with everyone what God has done to heal my little girl, and given me a chance to have a life I only dreamed of. I am available to tell more of my story and share my experience, strength and hope with anyone who believes they are hopeless. I tell people “Get Angry, Get Even and Get Well!” You are loved, just write to me any time. Remember “God Wins” and the 12-Steps Heal.

I’m a 47 year old man who has led for a lack of a better description a rock and roll life style and I”m paying for it now. I don’t know what my intention for writing this blog is, maybe cathartic, maybe encouraging someone else to seek help before they begin walking down the road I’m currently on or possibly I’m just being self indulgent. For whatever reason, here I go.

About 10 years ago I went to see my PCP, we had a regular check up with the usual chit chat regarding food wine and travel, three of my favorite things. Wine and it’s use as a self medication substance as well its distant cousins bourbon, gin and whatever alcoholic beverage might be handy. My life was a vicious circle and I was happy with it, get up, work, drink, sleep and or pass out depending on the amount of alcohol that I was able to choke down that day. A few days after that initial physical my Doc called letting me know there was a problem with my blood tests, come on back and lets do it again. He had slyly set me up with a barrage of blood tests focusing on liver function, viral loads, biliruben and blood cell counts.

Sitting at my make shift desk of a folding table, surrounded by half smoken cigarette butts and half finished bottles of wine and beer, my phone rang. I’m sure I was drinking something, probably half in the bag with nearly a bottle of Rhone in my belly. It was Doc C… “how you doing…”, “good…”, “I have some bad news…”, “yeah….”, “You have hepatitus C…”.

I wish I could say I lost my breath or my head started spinning or even that I feinted. Nothing happened, he might as well have told me me I had a hang nail, it would of carried more weight.

After explaining to me that Hep C was a blood borne illness that causes inflammation of the liver among other things I took a minute to digest any repercussions this illness might have and replied “Can I still drink?”
“You shouldn’t, but a sip here and there probably won’t hurt you at this stage of the game.”
I thanked him, quietly hung up the phone, finished another bottle of wine, smoked a cigarette and buried my head in the sand for the next ten years.

If you’d like to read more, check out my blog wwww.liverserum.blogspot.com (it is not a commercial endeavor, it is the story of revovery and hope).

Hey Bill,
Again awesome site. I was actually addicted to opiates (specifically heroin and Oxycontin) for a long time – probably like 3-4 years. I have since turned my life around and now make websites on addiction to help people who are suffering with addictions. I think you are doing a great thing here Bill…very good job with addiction recovery basics .com!

Greg

Hello. I am a 39 year young mother of a beutiful little girl who is 10 yeasl old and she is the light of my eye. about 6 years ago, Istared to takinjg percecet for contant painthough out my body. After a while the percet did nothing..So they I asked for something stronger. They put my on Oxycontin 80mg. I started taling them, and Ilitereally felt like superwoman. I could do anything in the world and I had not a worry int he world. about taking this forabout 3 months, they stopped helpin me with my pain.So therefore they doctor perscribed me yet another high dogage. I started taking about 10 aday and was gettin no relief..But the weiredst thing ofall, I woulf feel nothing. They would make me so tired that i wouold fall asleep on mycomputer desk..not to mention when Iwould pass out, I would pass at there right atmy computer desk to wak upwih burises allover myface..It was starting toscaremy mom and mygirl…I actually went tosee adoctor who perscrbied me suboxone and klonopin. THE klonopin was for my realy bad pancik attacsk..until onenight when I hate a date with areallygood friend of mine to watch some hanunted houses…Well,after we rode bythe Haunted House, it was closed…Nowmind you, I have never taken klonopins in my loife so I didin’t know what toexpect..boy was i infor a rude awakening..I has gone to speedway think that Icouldgrab a snack andomething to drink andthat would make me feel liess tired..ot much my surprise, Ihavd fallen asleep inmy car withthe damn card stillstarted..anyway, about 4 am in the mornig I heard this banging on my car …I woke up out ao this daze, they made meget out of the car and doallthistest..I couldnot do one..so I just told them totakemetojail..itwas by far thewrost night of my life..I havenever been in trouble in mylife…My god,Icanhonestly tell you I have learned my lesson..I CAN HONESLY TELL YOU IT IS SONOTWORTH IT..IFYOUHAVEA PERSCRIPIOJN AND YOUDON’TNOW HOWEXACTLYHOWIT’SGOINGTOEFFECTYOU,THE FIRST TYRITJUSTAT YOUHOME..DO NOT GOING DRIVINGAROUND..BECAUSE YOU WILL FEEL LIKE YOU ARE A TOTAL SOMIE..tAKE IT FFROMSOMEONE THATCARE…nO MORE FORME..iAMSODONEWHATALLTHAT BULLSHIT…

Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) offers live and techology based 12 step meetings based around the US & World . Tools- like literature, downloadable ebook & audio workshops available. Outreach, GLBT, Women, Men & Young adults.

Promoting step-work only.
Spiritual not religious step-work as present via pages touring through the principles of the 12 steps via fine original art and MUSIC! MUSICIANS AND ARTISTS SOUGHT to help illuminate he 12 steps. NO REHAB BEDS SOLD HERE we are a non-profit and have a 12 step book on spiritual quotes for all people in and out of recovery.
And yes, as your site is spiritual we would put a banner on our resources page for you.

My name is Robert and I’m a four time cancer and stem cell transplant survivor. I am also a recovering alcoholic. When I was 7 years old, back in 1977 I was diagnosed with Burkitt’s Lymphoma. I had surgery to remove the tumor and began a 18 month coarse of chemotherapy. After the first three months of chemotherapy the doctors found cancer cells in my bone marrow. At this point I was placed in Laminer-flow (boy in the plastic bubble) enviornment and given ultra hi doses of chemotherapy that completely wiped out my bone marrow. I spent 40 days in the bubble while my immune system recovered. After this I went into remission and continued on with my life. At 11 years old after three and a half years I relapsed. The cancer was back. I had another surgery with the tumor and a portion of intestine were taken out and I began chemotherapy. After six months of chemo I was again in remission. Life went on I grew up played sports went to high school and college. I also started drinking like almost all adolescents/teenagers do. At first and for a long time drinking was fun. It was a social lubricant, got me out of myself and allowed me to overcome the overwhelming shyness I had. Looking back on things I can see that after the first couple of times I didn’t drink normally, I always drank to get drunk. What was the point of having one or two drinks. It wasn’t until other things in my life started to fall apart that I became dependent on alcohol. After the death of my father and not being able to get my undergraduate thesis done I began to check out of any semblance of a normal life. I became an unemployable drunk who bailed on graduation with a B.S. in Biology ang a good shot at going to medical school on a full scholarship. My sister and brother in law didn’t want me around their new family, who could blame them and my mother had to sleep with her pocket book under her pillow so I wouldn’t steal from her. I finally bottomed out at the age of 27. My life had become laying on the couch, drinking when I had money and my mother was out of the house. After getting a really bad case of pneumonia and ending up in the hospital I got honest with someone about my drinking. It was the doctor in the ER. She referred me to an outpatient program, which in turn got me into AA. Life got better. I got a life beyond my wildest dreams. I got a career, I got a wife and I was able to be a good son, a good brother, a good uncle and a true friend. After about 4 and a half years of sobriety I found out I had cancer again. I had been in remission for over 19 years. This time it was diffuse B-cell lymphoma. I went through chemo again and went back into remission. Life went on. I knew I would get through the cancer I had faith in my higher power. Life went on. After about 8 years in the program I let all the gifts that I had received in sobriety get in the way of my sobriety. After a health scare where my doctors thought that I might have cancer again I stopped going to meetings all together. About a year later I picked up a drink. Things went this way for a little over a year. I hid my drinking from everyone who knew that I was an alcoholic. It’s really pathetic. When my girlfriend who later became my fiance was out of the house I would occasionally get drunk and play Mob Wars on Facebook. The progression was relatively slow and for the most part I was just hurting myself. Someone had other plans. In January of 2009 I found out that I had cancer for the fourth time. Again it was diffuse B-cell lymphoma but it was really bad. I had a 20cm mass in my hip and tumors in my thyroid gland, my heart, my pancreas and intestine. the only answer was chemo and a stem cell transplant. I underwent 4 brutal rounds of chemo and on June 4th 2009 I had my stem cell transplant. The prep for the stem cell transplant was lethal doses of chemo and total body radiation. It was pretty horrific. I honestly didn’t think that I would survive it. I I had the love and support of my family but there was no trust or faith in a higher power. It might sound silly but that lack of any kind of a faith in a higher power made going through the cancer so much harder. I didn’t drink during the months of chemo before the transplant (I was too sick from the chemo and was in the hospital more than I was home) but in the weeks between the chemo and waiting for the transplant I would occasionally drink. When the fear got too great I was going to drink or loose my mind. I didn’t have my program or support network to go to. I wasn’t alone but I felt like I was. Well 23 days after the transplant my body began to make its own blood cells again and I was released from the hospital. Over the next six months my fiance and I broke up, I had to move back in with my mother because I couldn’t take care of myself (I had no immune system) and I got fired from my full time job while on medical leave and had to worry about losing my health care benefits. I was lost. Most people would be grateful to be alive. I was to mournful of what I had lost and afraid of what the future had in store. And I was drinking. The life that I was trying to rebuild/salvage was about to be destroyed by drinking. I knew where I needed to go. In Feb. of 2010 I went back to my home group and said “My name is Robert and I’m an Alcoholic and I have one day back. That”s enough out of me for now, I will add more later. I’ll just finish to say I have about a year and a half of sobriety and I’m becoming grateful for my life again.
Would love to hear some feedback to anyone who reads this.
Robert Goudreau
ambulance835@yahoo.com

I am really inspired with the stories. Hope that my brother would be free from addiction since he is already 35, still, no decisions in life. We had made every support he needs hoping for improvement, but it only worsen the case. He thinks that everybody would support him always.

Hoping to receive suggestions that will help us help my brother

My addiction began in 2008. I had 5 surgerys in one year and was prescribed pain killers for the pain. At first I didn’t think I was dependent on them until I started to stop taking them and withdrawls began to start. To prevent the withdrawls I just continued to take them. I always continued my daily life…work, doing house work, everything that needed to be done I would do it. I would hide my addiction from everyone even my own husband didn’t have a clue that I had a problem. In 2010 right after christmas I was asked by my husband if I had a problem. At this point I knew I couldn’t hide it any longer and I told him yes. I entered myself in a IOP (intense outpatient program) From the day I entered the program I dropped the drugs completly none of this take less til you take none….I was taking up to 30 pills a day and went from that to 0 pills a day! Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t easy not the least bit. the first week was AWFUL at the least I had no energy was sick at my stomach all the time, and wanted to sleep all the time. After that first week the symptons started to get less and less. I knew I was ready for my life back I didnt want this diease of addiction any longer. My program was 3 days a week 3 hours a day and I met some of the best people in this program. Some of these people that I would keep a realtionship with for the rest of my life. This program was what saved my life! Addiction is not something that can be played with and for most of you that have never had to deal with it wouldn’t not understand why cant you just stop, it can’t be that hard. The one thing that I would like for someone to understand if you or a family member is going thru this it isn’t something that you NEED the addiction can’t exist without you! The addiction NEEDS you bc it can’t live without you! But the problem is the addiction will kill you. And I know how any addict thinks “it hasn’t killed me yet” Well guess what no one said It will happen today or tomorrow but IT WILL HAPPEN! I beg anyone that suffers with this diease to please get some kind of help. Getting help was the best thing I have done in my life period. It can’t hurt to at least TRY that is all that anyone can ask is that you TRY!

Addiction has taken over not only my life but I am also in a relationship with someone in denial over their addiction too.
I feel that every day is ground hog day where I am waiting for the end. No light but just the next fix of either gambling or drugs to keep me going till the next ground hog day.
I want to break free but my partner who I have not supported for the last few years is deeper in the pool than I am
Death, although a cowardly exit, seems to be the only way to break free from the endless days of crying in despair of where we are today.
We have neglected not only ourselves but also those around us who have no idea how bad it is.
I cling onto hope daily but it is only a thin strand of cotton which I want to cut to end things.
Maybe a sharp shock will save my partner because I don’t care for myself and the weaknesses I have.

Pray for me

hi, i want u to tell a story about my girl friend. he start to take drug 2 years ago. he used to drink everyday,every week and nobody could stop himself. we love each other and talk about all types of recovery but day by days he became very abusive, he talked with me very badly and sometimes try to hit me. one day he killed a man who is also addicted and went to the jail. now i am waiting for him when i will see him or he will come to me with a normal person.

The Thanksgiving I Didn’t Go To Rehab

Deep in Denial:

I had been doing better. Not a drop since Labor Day. The family had their hopes up again.
My wife and oldest child were witnesses to my diligent efforts not to drink; to “do better”. They were optimistic about Thanksgiving, but my youngest, away at college, remained the family skeptic.

“How’s Dad doing?” , I heard her ask her mother on the telephone.
“Better”, my wife assured her.
“Yeah right”
“No really ….Better… really. Sweetie, please come home. Its going to be a great weekend. You can see your friends. ”

***********
Together, my wife and I decided to go through with the family’s usual Thanksgiving plans. A big dinner was arranged at our house. Family friends were invited. The kids invited their friends too. It was one of our favorite rituals. In years past, before my “problem drinking” had become an un-welcomed holiday guest, we had enjoyed many Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays that came right off of Hallmark cards. These were the holidays before the glasses and bottles started showing up in odd places and before the phone was off limits to Dad after 8:00p.m. These were holidays now several years past, but still remembered like they were yesterday.

The Thanksgivings of years past were such precious memories that none of us could let them go. Especially me. This year, I was “doing better”. I was trying my best. I knew my footing was dubious, but I also knew I might be spending my last Thanksgiving with the family. Drinking or sober, I inwardly knew I was “toast”. Alcoholism had me in its silent strangle hold and I knew it. My loyal loving wife, a real fighter, had not yet faced the undeniable fact of alcoholism in our lives. I was sincerely trying to be the father and husband my family had once known. She was still trying to hold our lives together, even though I was broken. I was still insanely claiming my persistent efforts would overcome my obsession with alcohol. But, in my soul, I knew wasn’t “winning”.

Cooking the turkey was my job. Probably, it was never as good as I thought, still the family remained happy to let Dad have his way. The kids were busy with their friends. My wife, a self admitted holiday addict, was busy with the many preparations. I was left alone for the bulk of the day with no responsibility other than cooking a turkey and watching Thanksgiving football. This day, I was grateful. Newly sober, I believed we were on our way to another wonderful Thanksgiving.

After many years, as you might expect, the family stuffing and the turkey gravy that accompanied the meal had to be just so. It was important to all of us; part of the ritual. Our stuffing recipe was elaborate. It included apples, raisins, pecans, onions and celery all caramelized in butter with a touch of chicken broth and cooking sherry. This concoction was added to the stuffing and puréed in the gravy and I’m telling you it was good…. really good. It was my annual contribution the family festivities. In my alcoholic mind it was, in fact, too good to change. Even under the circumstances, I told myself this “important” part of the family ritual needn’t change just because I had a “drinking problem” and the same held true of the cocktails we always offered our holiday guests and the light white wine we always served with Thanksgiving dinner. My wife and children agreed with my assessment. This Thanksgiving could, and should, be just like old times.

I don’t know when I decided to taste the cooking sherry. It was a good while before the best football game started. I know, the bird went in the oven by 10:00 a.m. because both of the turkeys in the house were thoroughly “cooked” when the guests arrived. I’m not sure when I went to the store to get the replacement bottle of cooking sherry. It had to be before noon because the grocery closed at noon on Thanksgiving. This means I drove after drinking; something I had promised myself I would never do again. I have a vague recollection of stealing one of the bottles of dinner wine, opening it and stowing it away for myself. Since I couldn’t drink at the party, my perfected ritual was to put a bottle away in a secret place to gulp in stolen trips. In short recesses away from the company of my friends and family, alone and literally closeted by my addiction, I would gulp my Thanksgiving dinner from a plastic cup.

As the guests arrived, I know I embarrassed both of my children terribly in front of their friends. I know I made such a travesty of the Thanksgiving prayer that I was invited in the kitchen for a scolding by my disgusted wife. Shortly after dinner I remember I was sent directly to bed like the ill behaved child I had become. I can still vividly see the saddened faces of our guests as I made my pathetic exit. On this regrettable Thanksgiving day, I unnecessarily inflicted pain upon my wife and children. I am intensely aware of the incision I made in the consciousness of my family and friends that day. These are facts of my life that I choose never to forget; valuable memories of the poison alcohol becomes when I drink it.

This is the story of the Thanksgiving I didn’t go to rehab. Still held hostage by four of the greatest enemies of the alcoholic or addict that needs help, I sabotaged yet another holiday for my family and friends. The delusion of “impending wellness” which I was trying to perpetuate was actually the product of a mind filled with denial, rationalization, justification and minimization. I didn’t know how truly defective my thinking was at the time. At the time, giving the holidays a valiant try seemed like the best thing for the family. In the name of trying to recapture the days when my life was manageable , when I was “ a good Dad”, I made yet another bad decision to resist the truth that I was an alcoholic and my life was especially unmanageable in the holidays. As it says in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous , I was really “whistling past the graveyard”.

Given a chance to do it over again, I would get on with it. I would go to rehab for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I would admit personal defeat and get the entire family much needed help. Alcoholics and addicts like me, don’t want to self destruct in the holidays. We don’t want to hurt the people we love. Yet there is an undeniable angst to the holidays for many of us. Sometimes the revelry of the holidays is more than those of us who are willing to become sober, but not yet able to maintain sobriety, can take. With time, usually a good deal of time, most of us can carefully return to some degree of holiday normalcy, but early on, especially if we are still fighting the obsession of alcoholism or drug addiction, the holidays need to be approached with caution. If taken too lightly, the holiday’s can be filled with peril.

J Thomas- 11/19/11

As far as my experience goes , for giving up alcholoe addiction you need supportive medication plus desire to quit . I was give anti depressent tabs while I was trying to quit. I used to sleep most of the times for first 10 to 15 days . Thereafter , slowly I sstarted my schedule but without alchohole . I continued antoi depressent tabs for six months or so. Them I gave up the medicines also. I am alchohole free now. God bless you ifyou are trying to give up this addiction. God is great.

Remember that ‘self efficacy’ is the key to the change process, (addiction recovery). Remember that options in approach to recovery are the gateway to sustainable recovery -That holds true for any challenge. Remember that you are not, nor will ever be powerless in any addiction-challenge you experience…in the same way you are not “powerless” in any other kind of challenge you face in your life -Where’s your faith? Remember that freedom from addiction/the change process/recovery has less than nothing to do with believing or not believing “you are unique or special”. That’s folklore. Recovery has to do with your own belief that you are capable to problem solve for your own circumstances (self efficacy).

Remember to use your own instincts about “any” advisements. Use of words such as “stupid” under the guise of “support and help” should raise a red flag about it’s merit as a sourceof ‘actual’ help and support. There simply is no excuse for stigma-inducing terms and language in the arena of recovery. Our society is evolving past the days of using terms like “addict”, “drunk”, “junky” “dry drunk” etc.. We are moving with increasing momentum in the recognition of neurobiological and psychological evidence-based, best practices in recovery. Thank God for that.
Recovery happens…all the time. “God helps those who help themselves”. “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we can not see” Hebrews 11:1

Remember “Menu of Options”. One size does not fit all. http://smartrecovery.org/

Hi my names Becca, and I’m an alcoholic.
My whole life had been surrounded by some sort of addiction. I was born in a family with an alcoholic/addict father. I thank god every day I have an amazing mother to overpower the pain I felt growing up without someone I had to call daddy. He left our family when I was only eight years old, leaving his daughter and son behind because getting drunk and high was more important. I never understood how someone could do that until the day I looked in the mirror and saw myself as him. I became the person I hated so much. This is my story;
I had my first drink at the age of 13. I loved it; everything about it. And at first it was the solution to my depression and anxiety. I felt the most free I have ever felt; Like I was reborn. I found the magic in alcohol just from that first sip. I spent my high school career only caring about when I could drink next. I was obsessed with that next drink. Nothing else seemed to matter. The partying had gotten me into trouble at home which resulted in four hospitalizations and one arrest. I still didn’t learn my lesson though, I continued to drink. Even after smoking weed laced with PCP and ending up in the hospital, that didn’t stop me. The insanity of this disease is scary. I had no fear. When I graduated high school is when it started to go downhill. I jumped from relationship to relationship. I needed that validation because I hated myself; everything about myself. This ended me up in a few very abusive relationships. You know they say “the person you date is the exact reflection of who you are and what you think you deserve.” My very last relationship was the worst. Drugs, alcohol and fighting consumed the entire thing. I loved him though, even with all the lies, the bruises, the fights, I loved the chaos. The lifestyle I had was nothing but abnormal, but it felt so right. Having no money due to our addiction, lead to us selling drugs. Whether it were my pills, or being the “middle man” in crack deals. The stress between us got too great and ended our relationship in one last fight. The scars left on my heart hurt more than the bruises he left all over my body. A quote that best describes this feeling is “it’s like you’re screaming, and no one can hear, you almost feel ashamed, that someone could be that important, that without them, you feel like nothing, no one will ever understand how much it hurts, you feel hopeless, like nothing can save you, and when it’s over, and it’s gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back, so that you could have the good.” When the relationship was over I went on a two month straight drinking binge. I would do anything for a bottle, whether I had to steal, pawn valuables, or have sex with a guy. I degraded myself just to feel ok, to stop the shaking. Just to hide the pain of what had happened to me. And every time I degraded myself it was another reason to drink. It was a vicious cycle. I felt trapped, lost, and broken. I’ve hurt a lot of people during those two months. I was walking through hell everyday but I was dragging the people who care right behind me. I’ve put my mother through unbearable pain. She never knew if she was going to get a phone call saying her only daughter is dead. The sad part of it is that I was praying and praying I would die. I put myself in situations where the possibilities of my life ending were great. I’ve come to near death experiences more times than I can count. Ranging from alcohol poisoning to drunk driving to getting involved with gang members. I didn’t value life anymore. I felt I had no reason to live. I couldn’t stop drinking on my own, it was nearly impossible. I ended up in two different rehabs from September to December. Relapse is a part of my story. This disease is very powerful, everyday I’m sober that monster is doing pushups, getting stronger, waiting for me to slip, so it can drag me back to hell. I have 33 days sober today. Today, even though most days are beyond shitty and my emotions drown me, at moments I feel a genuine happiness that can’t be found in a bottle, a pill, or a guy. I feel grateful that I can look at myself in the mirror and say “I’m not a bad person.” I can’t change my past and no matter how dirty my past is, my future is absolutely spotless. I take it day by day and I do not drink no matter what. Addiction is what I have, NOT WHO I AM.

iam a recovering addict who has been working daily on addictive thinking as well. manipulation has been overall the hardest behavior to overcome but i know it can be done.

my life has been eaten by sex addiction and when the time comes i want to stop its like i cant just trying to seek help any sugesstions