by Bill Urell
When I was told I would need to address spirituality in addiction recovery “Are you nuts?” was a pretty watered down version of what I thought and said. I didn’t even believe in God and now you’re telling me I have to get spiritual? This is going to be a pain.
So I concentrated on maintaining abstinence without addressing spirituality, my sponsor said ‘Don’t worry about spirituality yet, that’s the advanced stuff. Just concentrate on staying abstinent for now”. Oh, says I, that makes sense. so I accidentally did the right things for the wrong reasons. I went to treatment, and after that I followed a continuing care plan, all the while going to meetings and building a sober support network.
About 7 or 8 years sober a question started creeping into my head. I asked myself ‘Is this all there is?’. Despite being abstinent I was not happy. I started to feel that I was actually happier using than not. Luckily I was a good student and new that this was the beginning of the relapse process. But how do I turn it around?
I addressed the question of ‘spirituality‘. I had come far enough along to realize that what I had was not as important as who I was inside. I think it was Jason of the Argonauts, or maybe Ulysses who fought the Cyclops the one eyed giant monster. He beat him by forcing the monster’s eye around so he was looking at himself. He died because of what he saw. I sure did not want to turn my eyes inwars and look at myself. I was looking outside myself and finding fault with all that was around me.
I was not comfortable with the traditional God image, so I had to get creative. I heard of spirituality as being described of as connection. Connection with yourself, with your family and the society and world around you. That, I could work with. My spiritual journey began at year 7 in recovery and it started with simply asking questions. To me, it was the asking that was important, not really the answers.
The breakthrough came for me when I realized I might not ever find the answers, and that was OK. I could restructure my life to be of service to others, do the next right thing, and be conscious of, and take responsibility for my own actions. That kind of sounded like a workable spiritual plan for me in addiction recovery.
Spirituality did not get me sober. It keeps me sober. What it does for me is add texture, color and depth to my sober living experience. It is not really all about me anymore, but rather how I fit in and connect with those around me. Spirituality, while not the originator of my sobriety, sure makes it a richer experience and is crucial now to my addiction recovery’s longevity.
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I’M NOT NUTS. You’re in the carnival of all substances, Bill. Stop by and say hello, http://everyoneneedstherapy.blogspot.com
Very nicely put. I think that most people would have the same outlook and question about these two topics being put together. I think that when you find yourself spiritually you generally find out more about yourself than you would ever imagine.