Comments on: What Is A Dry Drunk?

By: Christina@ Hand Held Sewing Machine

Christina@ Hand Held Sewing Machine — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 22:48:00 +0000

I think those drunkards or who uses drugs also needs rehabilitation. It is not normal that you just quit on them so easily. So there is still something wrong. This will also help them forget the bad experience they had and can help them move on.

By: lori

lori — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 22:44:32 +0000

I just got out of a three year relationship with a DRY DRUNK. I could not understand his complusive nature, his HUGE EGO, his fights with everyone he came in contact with, the emotional hell he put me through for three years. I had heard the term long ago, but I thought that his finding GOD was as good as AA. I was WRONG. I would almost have preferred him drinking so I could have understood what was happening. I thought I was going insane. I turned to smoking some pot just to calm my nerves and that was a mistake too. He tried to blame me for his breaking up when all along I know it was his lies and his life that lead us to being apart. THANK GOD I got the point..if your living with a dry DRUNK get help..aSAp

By: Dave James

Dave James — Tue, 18 May 2010 00:43:40 +0000

A “dry drunk” is the evil curse that AA hardliners wish upon anyone that recovers outside of AA and has happy productive life.

The 12 steps aren’t the only path back to sanity.

I will admit that there are some people that have absolutely moral compass and nothing to live for. AA is the only way for them.

By: Jackie Union

Jackie Union — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 19:39:14 +0000

What I needed to help me in my battle was a loved one to help. When I was single, I could get into bad habits easier. Once I realized I had someone who relied on me, it was easier to resist.
Jackie Union´s last blog ..Dating Girls – Five Important Things to Remember About Dating Girls

By: ann

ann — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 03:32:29 +0000

As I didnt know my ex when he was drinking, I am unclear if it is this “Dry Drunk” syndrome that is at play here-He is currently prone to rash and impulsive behaviour with zero knowledge, awareness of anything or anyone that does not provide him with an immediate sense of personal gratification. It just turned into a complete nightmare-he revealed himself as utterly self absorbed, he was narcissistic to a pathological degree-his attempts to lie, cheat and manipulate at every available opportunity just seemed to SO belittle and belie the 12 step programme he currently followed. I just couldnt get my head around that. He was 3 yrs into his recovery programme(I think now that he really was 1 yr sober)and yet was unable to accept any degree of personal responsibility for his own thoughts, actions,feelings and behaviour. He was at times obsessed and obsessive about his therapy-but yet deeply unwilling to share any of his personal thoughts, discuss his emotions on the subject. He was very demanding and made every attempt to control and manipulate everyone and everything he encountered. He was very prone to throwing temper tantrums,He would fly into a rage at the slightest little thing-would shout and scream if he didnt get what he wanted. He was my boyfriend for just a few short weeks, months. I discovered in that time that he had cheated on me and more than once -within the first 2 weeks with an ex! I broke up with him eventually-once i realised that he really only cared about himself and his own needs. He had no conept of anyone or anything else other than in the initial period, our relationshi(he was OTT and I felt the need to caution him as to his unrealistic view and expectations of “us”- I advised that we should just take it 1 day at a time-see how we both feel at each and every step of the way-later i found out that he had been sleeping with his ex the entire time!!??!!)and his AA meetings and his counsellor friends. Three weeks in to the relationship He out of the blue announcedvia txt msg that he was breaking up with me- (despite a litany of preceeding txt’n msgs throughout that day professing his undying love for me!!) that he felt needed time alone-I was a little shocked and confused but accepted his decision-within 1 week, he rang and apologised to me-revealing that he had got back with his ex but it hadnt worked out so would I like to meet up with him???
I personally believe that people are much more than their actions-and I have always given people the benefit of the doubt. I dont believe my ex is a bad person-I just believe that he is without self control-he appears not to know his own mind and has little or no impulse control. i found his total lack of personal culpability, personal responsibility disconcerting-It disturbs me to think that someone who is a member of the AA and who is following the 12 step programme feels no personal sense of responsibility for his own thoughts, actions and behaviour. He all too readily dismissed and distanced himself from any and all personal responsibility in relation to the lies he repeatedly told me, he expected me to ignore his mis deeds entirely. He wasnt ever keen on discussion of any kind-he would just change the subject or try and cajole me through intimacy-or he would get v dark and brooding, becoming sullen before he would erupt in anger and leave the room before his anger imploded-he had a violent temper and was following an anger management programme. I had such admiration and respect for this guy because he had invested so much effort and commitment in his bid to turn his life around-i knew the recovery proccess could prove an un predictable roller coaster of a ride-and as such there would be intense moments-but i had no idea that the guy would behave in a manner that seemed so far removed from the recovery proccess he pursued.

By: pms

pms — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 14:35:39 +0000

I live with a dry drunk as well. He thinks that 1-2-3 go to meetings was enough and that was 9 years ago . Hasnt even done that in 9 yrs. I am so tired of walking on eggshells, being laughed and mocked at, having being told that I dont work a program (I do every day), that I dont “get it”, that I dont contribute enough etc… I feel very abused. It is hard to love someone with this affliction. I am losing my desire to be with him. I am sad all the time. Just needed to vent that somewhere.

By: Dean D.

Dean D. — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 01:28:25 +0000

Bill,

I recognize the behaviors you shared regarding “being a dry dunk” in myself. What do I do to change them?

By: megan

megan — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 20:15:45 +0000

it would be a good thing to get yourself into the al-anon program which would give you the skills to support yourself..not only does he recover but you are in recovery too from the problems associated from his alcoholism..your husband has a disease of the mind, body & spirit & has probably been sick for many years you can not expect him to fully recover from such a disease in 9 wks – it’s going to take time! he did not get sick in a day he will not get well in a day either. If he is not in the a.a. program perhaps you may suggest this to him to attend – the program works if he has the willingness..the a.a. program will help with these remaining “defects of character” which you refer to as “nonsense”..alanon will help you with your “defects of character” because nobody is perfect! (36y.o. recovering alchoholic – 2yrs)

By: avacaal

avacaal — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 22:40:11 +0000

As I understand it, a “dry drunk” is someone who has quit drinking or his/her other DOC, but has not gone into true recovery. Therefore, behavior does not change for that person. I have 13+ and as you gain more time you are not as sensitive to certain “labels” or “misnomers” that others may call us who do not understand, such as “dry drunk.” On my worst day I was that and more and I need to keep that in mind.

By: TR

TR — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 02:08:14 +0000

I am so frustrated by this condition… I lived with an active alcoholic for 4 years… and put up with such horrible verbal and emotional abuse… but I stood by his side becuase I knew or THOUGHT I knew who he was prior to his addiciton taking hold. We have been married going on 8 years and he is 9 weeks into his recovery.. But now after dealing with all that hurt.. i have to deal with this nonsense.. he fits this article to a T and I can’t STAND it any longer. We go to counseling together and he goes by himself as well.. but I am bringing it up to the counselor this week. I can’t do this. I honestly don’t know if I see a future for us. He’s so selfish I can’t tolerate it any longer. I thought once the drinking stopped things would be better.. but they are just about the same… with a few more good days in between the bad ones than before. When he was in the first few weeks once he got past the withdrawal symptoms he was WONDERFUL… then he just started having this horrible attitude… downing himself and me, and nothing is ever good enough that I do. I am only 27 and we have a 5 year old… I deserve so much better than this. After standing by his side and being the ONLY one he could depend on, I am angry that I should now have to tolerate MORE abuse… I am beginning to think maybe it wasn’t the alcohol at all that made him so mean, maybe that’s just who he really is…. *sigh*

By: Rädda Sverige,nu! Författare Lena Holfve bloggar om mediekorruptionen.

Rädda Sverige,nu! Författare Lena Holfve bloggar om mediekorruptionen. — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 15:09:23 +0000

[...] inser inte att de måste slita upp roten till varför de ens söp. Tillståndet kallas för ”Dry Drunk” – torrfull. De är som aktiva missbrukare – fast de är på ytan [...]

By: susie c

susie c — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 17:20:52 +0000

is it possible that people are stronger and more astute than the addiction affliction that they are convinced into believing they hav when in reality they are just bein givin xcuses 4 a simple lack of solidity and fortitude.hope the best for all but dont let “professionals” tell you that something other than you runs your life..just a suggestion..dont fall prey to doc squak. good luck

By: Tom Leto

Tom Leto — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 03:52:35 +0000

I first heard of this term from my just recent ex-girlfriend. We were in a relationship for 4 and a half years, but dumped me for another man last month whom she met at a New Year’s Eve get together for, I believe, clean and sober people. She has been clean and sober for a year now. She told me what dry drunk was. I have no idea whether he recent actions were those of a dry drunk, but she goes to AA and actively works on her recovery at health care facilities.

The second time I heard the term was a reference to former president George W. Bush as a dry drunk, he a recovering alcoholic who became an evangelical Christian. For whatever reason I know not.

Whether my ex is a dry drunk or not, I stuck around. There were times it brought on a depression for me, some lasting for days at a time. Nevertheless I genuinely loved her and her three kids.

Thank you for this post. It allows me to pour out the storm of emotion I experienced as it ended. It’s sad to see something debilitating and even sadder to pay the price for it. I mourn the loss yet I know it was all for the best.

By: Sandy J

Sandy J — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 19:22:58 +0000

Thank you for the insightful comments. I think my husband is a dry drunk & I have been living with this for over 30 years. Catherine’s story sounds so similar to mine, except he is not in AA, but his both his father and brother are recovering alcoholics. MY mistake: I’ve married him twice!!!! I wish I had these posts earlier in my life. I am a stroke survivor, and dealing with his ups and downs is very difficult. I pray the Serenity Prayer every day.

By: Christie

Christie — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 22:02:17 +0000

Thank you all for the help I just got out of a 1 year relationship with a man James whom is in AA 5 years sober. With out knowing the term “dry drunk” prior or anything about AA to dating this man I was really kind of baffled not having addictions of my own. I told my neighbor Susan about my heartach and pain, the put downs, the nothing was ever good enough attitude James had toward me the fact that he blammed everything on me daily this made me sink into a cave a depression of tears I hid. It was so hard on me to go through this because I loved and adored him he was everything I dreamed of until this shadow of his alcoholism surfaced. Susan then said to me, flat out- with out even knowing “is he in AA?” I said yes, how did you know? She said “then he is a dry drunk I was married to one for 18 years.” Our past were very different but he had made grand changes in his 5 years of sobriety which I truely came to respect. He acted on his desires while I turned my cheek to mine a case of nature verses nuture my nurture made me strong. He did not respect this about me and grew jealous it appeared. His entire family was in AA. They asked me to even join. I have not been a “drinker” but sometimes I do go drink when out with friends at dinner I may even get drunk like on New Years Eve but never alone and no more then 1x per month if that and whom has not done these things. I believe what I endured and what I still endure even though we don’t talk but the memory of the cruelty was that of a dry drunk. Thank you all for letting me know I am not alone in my journey and may this lesson help someone in theirs. Don’t blame your self continue to love yourself and them even if apart but remember life is too short and the pain is not worth it.
Best Regards~c